These Are the Days….

These are the days that will make us…or break us. It is up for us to decide. What is coming won’t be easy but necessary for our growth. Does that sound vague? I hope you said “yes” because it’s meant to sound that way. I am not going to talk about the jab and why it’s relevant to the ridiculousness of the market right now but I will say…the price of eggs, is a sin. I’m fairly certain that the Boston Tea Party was a result of way less…. I could go into the US and it’s Pluto return but I’m not an astrologer but I do understand the significance.

Today was a rare January day for me. I saw the sun, blue sky, cotton candy clouds, and the moon all within five minutes. The only thing missing from this picture is the moon. We have had lots of clouds and rain here in Ohio lately, which is better than snow, I guess. Monday there were some strange happenings in the sky. We had a heavy fog that lasted quite some time but early in the morning it was accompanied by a fertilizer smell. It was reported over four counties that I know of so maybe more people noticed it? Maybe it’s the next generation of chem trails? I hope not!!

New Year’s was full of magical trolls, Dolly and Miley, an intention fire (in a safe fire pit), and vision boards.It really was a nice weekend spent with great people. That made it extra hard to go back to work. I have lots of things to weigh with the upcoming interviews I have set up. You have to give a little to get a little and not everything is about money. Quality of life is much more important and that includes the stress factors.

It’s funny…not ha ha, but funny that I still find myself censoring my own words. There are the tiniest handful of people who still read my words that were here before the big delete and yet…I am still holding back. Why? The part about the jab I get…I have my own strong feelings about that issue and unlike the majority during 2021, I will not impose my beliefs on anyone else. Chem trails, price of eggs or well anything…falls under “the 5% is tired of trying to wake the 90%” so I wouldn’t waste my time. The real question for me is why I hold back and choose to not speak my truth? Maybe that’s what I should spend 2023 working on….Zia


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Irons in the Fire

Have y’all heard of private equity groups?  Not sure why I felt the need to go all southern with that but I did? They are the kiss of death for all things optical, in case you didn’t know. The hardest part for me? I can see through their lies…I’m sorry, you are going to have to try harder if you want to bullshit me because energy doesn’t lie and actions speak louder than words.

Next week, after the New Year… I, as well as my fellow coworkers will have to face things without our sergeant at arms. It won’t be pretty…at all! I have some irons in the fire and will leave it at that for now. If and when I make the jump…I will blast theses guys with the truth on any platform that will allow it!

I had my astrology chart read for the first time tonight. She is a student and my reading was one of her final tests. She was spot on in so many ways. My favorite thing she said was “you are the intelligent, psychic, server.” I took away a lot of positive things from this reading.

There are so many things I want to say….I am still weighing the pros and cons so I’m afraid to jinx things. Give me a week, maybe two and I will have something new to report. But for now…anything work related is on the down low….Zia

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That’s All Folks….

And just like that……it’s over. December is always a frenzy of making things but I think it felt more intense this year because of all the work drama. In the end…most of it was done. I’m done forcing things this life so if it didn’t get done, it wasn’t meant to get done.

The weather this weekend has been ridiculous! My kids think I’m crazy but hear me out… the next time you are out and about and keep noticing X’s in the sky…pay attention to the weather. The chem trails are always strongest before the storm. I think last night was the worst part of this storm. I opened the cabinets under the kitchen sink and left a small drip over night and the pipes were fine this morning. The most important thing was that the chickens were okay!!! There was a brief moment where I contemplated bringing them in the house. What a mess that would have been. Thankfully they have proven to me what “cold hardy” actually means. I love those birds…

One of my last big projects was the evergreen wreaths for my cousin’s wives. These pretty much took up most of my Friday. With the storm it didn’t matter too much to me…it gave me something to focus on instead of fretting about the chickens.

I foraged all of the greenery, I dried the oranges and the pine cones. I still have a pretty big bag of pine cones that I dried late last Spring. I made two of the bows and must have bought the other three on clearance last year. I did use wire wreath frames but I purchased them throughout the year using a coupon so they really only costed my time.

Today I made some tea blends and that was the most fun I’ve had in a while. Creating the blends and then naming them names like “raspberry beret” and “hit me with your best shot” was so much fun. That last title went with my elderberry blend which was an extra fun pun for me. I think it was just as fun coming up with names for them as it was to create the blends themselves. I even wrote down the ingredients which is big for me and for some of them I even noted my measurements…this is new….

There’s so many things I have wanted to say but it’s late and I’m tired.This is the problem of getting behind on my writing. I have lots to say but for now I will just keep it in the present. I wish you a Blessed Solstice, a Happy Yule, a Merry Christmas, or a Happy Hanukkah…whatever you celebrate.

Welcome the light, open your heart, love hard, and shine bright my friends…Zia

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My Heart Is Full


Today I took an IET class and it was beyond all of my expectations! It feels completely different than a Reiki attunement…..must be the angel energy. My friend BD also took the class which always makes things more special.  Everybody receives energy differently so it’s nice to get the feedback. According to BD every time I moved to the next integration point she would fall asleep and when she would wake up it felt like cold water was washing over her. Mind you in class we only held the points for a minute, she said it felt like she was asleep for twenty minutes each time.

Earlier, after we first received our attunements and were sitting in a circle I saw buffalo next to one of the girls. My eyes were closed and it almost looked like a painting of a herd of buffalo roaming on a very green prairie. Then I heard the heartbeat. It was consistent at first and then more sporadic once we started practicing on each other. It was a pretty powerful day and I look forward to working with the angels and this new energy. Right now…I’m exhausted!

Yesterday The Girl and I did our normal running around town. We had Christmas music on in the car and White Christmas came on, the one sung by Bing Crosby and she said “this sounds like Fallout music, only festive.” The world according to video games I guess.

Friday I had a great day! I drove out to a castle that only gives tours on Friday. This weekend they were having a Christmas fundraiser on Saturday so the whole place was decorated. The tour guide said that I was lucky because they don’t normally decorate for the holidays. I was the only one who showed up for the tour and while it was nice to get the one on one, I felt like I had to look at her and nod etc. I was there strictly for the pictures and I did get some nice ones but if there were other people I feel like I could have taken more pictures.

The tour guide suggested another stop in town that had a large troll village. Trolls aren’t really my thing but I thought “why not?” It was truly a magical place and I will definitely go back. Trust me…no one is more surprised than me by that comment. For me it wasn’t the yellow and pink haired trolls it was the handmade ones and the Norwegian trolls. I actually have a Nyform troll. I was telling the lady how he came to be mine and before I could finish she said “you found him in a closet.” Storage room…closet, pretty darn close. Nobody at work knew where he came from or how he got there so I brought him home with me. Trolls…who knew?

Friday was extra nice because it was time well spent with me. I could take my time, no daughter nagging me and I could go wherever I wanted. I even started a new book this week. Not because I had to read it for book club but because I chose to read it. I think PT may have suggested it? A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah Maas and I’m about 30% into it so far. I listened to it in the car Friday so that added a couple of hours. Fairies, magic, and curses…it’s pretty good so far.

 Castles, trolls, fairies, and angels…that all adds up to a pretty magical weekend!  I might have to back to work tomorrow but for now my heart is full….Zia

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Never Enough Time

As vacations go….this wasn’t my best. Yes, while I didn’t have to get get up and be anywhere by a certain time, I don’t feel rested or accomplished. Of course that’s how we are taught to think. There is so much to unlearn and not enough time. I’m disappointed in myself that the only real thing I did for myself this week was the one mantra class I took.

Well, that’s not entirely true. The Girl and I drove about forty minutes North to see a local Millionaire’s Row. I was hoping to get some good pictures but it was a bust. The very young people working at the visitor’s center at the historical society were very nice but not helpful in the least. Especially since I called the week before and spoke to the young girl. I didn’t even look at the pictures I took yet. Hopefully tomorrow will be better, there is a castle to the West that if I’m lucky, might be photogenic.

I have lots to look forward to this weekend but I certainly don’t want to wish my time away. There’s always a little bit of magic in every day. Today I saw Santa twice driving through town. Once I drove by him and just a little bit ago I noticed flashing red lights outside and when I looked out the window, there went Santa again. I’m sure this is one of those thing I might have known about if I watched the news but I just can’t watch….so I’m always surprised.

I was on my way to an event at the local library down the street when I saw Santa the first time. My friend BD owns a sustainable store in town and she was setting up a table so I wanted to make sure I stopped by the event. They had quite a turn out, which is great for all of those small businesses. There was a nice energy and I found myself hanging out and keeping her company for a bit. So much for the popping in and taking a quick walk through, that’s okay I’m glad I stayed. I bought some herbal tea from a girl from up North and some green juice from someone in town. The green juice was amazing, expensive but amazing! That was about it for me, I don’t usually do well at these vegan events, food wise anyway. I do eat meat and I choose to by local directly from a farm. I don’t eat gluten, soy, or refined sugar which cuts out most vegan food.


I just got off the phone with one of my coworkers, she is an emotional mess. I know her so add a bottle of wine to that and some of the conversation was repeated more than once. It was bad enough that we had to say goodbye to the head of one of our departments today , only to find out that the office manager also gave her notice today. I knew it was coming but I thought I had another couple of months. I went in for the goodbye lunch today and had to take a nap when I came home. It was all just too much.

I turned down a job offer last month and now I’m questioning that decision? Everything about her office was lovely but she didn’t offer health insurance, how could I say yes to that?  There is so much I want to say about work but I will hold my tongue…for now.

The only other thing I did today was stop at the new crystal store in town. I was surprised at how much I was drawn to sunstone. The palm stone was huge so I bought a more reasonably sized point. I’m not sure why it called to me but maybe after I work with it for a bit it will become more clear?

I hope you have a lovely evening. Maybe tomorrow I will have something more exciting to talk about….Zia


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Unintended Betrayal

I did a guided meditation this morning and it brought up some unexpected emotions. I’m not sure why I’m so surprised? One of my cousin’s little girls is clearly an empath and his behavior has been quite the trigger as of late. I won’t let him do to her what was done to me…not that he would want to if he understood, he just doesn’t understand. I feel it’s my job to make him understand. This morning’s meditation brought up that issue and then some.

See , here’s the thing….my mom was my rock. The person who always stood by me no matter what…as an adult. As a child? She was 20 when she had me and she only did what was done to her…. I’ve actually learned a lot from my aunt during our bimonthly calls.

My mother was the oldest girl and was the golden child until the baby was born which was only five years before I was born. There were four girls out of eleven and the aunt I talk to was the third girl, who has fourteen years on me. It turns out my grandmother wielded quite the wrath. If one of my younger uncles did something and made it out of the house before my grandmother got a hold of him she would turn to the others and say “you best go and fetch him or else you will take what was meant for him.” My sweet grandmother was a force to be reckoned with back in the day.

I guess I never thought of my childhood as violent, it was just normal to me. Understanding what it means to be an empath has changed some of that but I never have blamed my mother. I did check with one of my paternal cousins today and the punishments were pretty much the same from the dads.

So punishment from my dad was almost always the belt and he always did that annoying dad snap as a warning. Almost any memory of my dad then and now will cause an eye roll. I’m not sure when my indifference to my dad started but it was when I was young for sure.

Here’s the thing about me…I feel everything deeply….fathoms and fathoms deeper than the average Joe. Take that fact and add a mouthy child who would challenge any authority that doesn’t “feel” right and none of that equals an easy childhood. My mother told me many of times that when we were in public and I was acting out (in what way, I’m not sure) she would reach under the table and give me a big pinch with a turn. When I would start crying she would say “oh, did you hurt yourself?) The worst of the worst was a day when she decided that I needed to clean my closet. I have always been messy, I can’t help it….it goes with the creative gene. She was so upset and now when I look back, I’m not so sure it was actually about me…I was just there.

She was yelling at me to clean it up and then yelling at me about the way I was trying to clean up. I was confused at the conflicting yelling and angry at being yelled at so I yelled back which resulted in having her grab the the hair at the back of my head and she repeatedly slammed my head into the wall. Not her best moment….she knew it, and she knew I remembered it. Why did I never blame her for it? It had to be because I felt what she was feeling and our feelings overlapped.

As an adult I know now that she was miserable in a marriage to a self involved twit….who by the way did NOT invite his gay son to stay with him when he comes home for Christmas this year. This might actually be the easiest way to rid myself of those bimonthly calls…after Christmas maybe?

My aunt told me my mom was in love with someone else but by the time she realized it she was married and pregnant with me. My dad has always put himself first so at that point my mom is far away from home, the only people close to her were my dads family. My grandmother was awful to my mother as well as my aunt but my grandmother’s sister and brother were always there for her. Actually my great uncle is with me to this day as a spirit guide…he is the only one loud enough that I can actually hear. I remember my great uncle being there when my mom had her first cancer surgery and my parents had been divorced a long time before that.

My grandmother did not come up in the meditation but since she was awful to my mother she is here now. My cousins however….have a very deep grandmother wound. It surprised me and I’m not sure why, I watched her treat them like second class citizens and even commented on it. That’s not my trauma though…I can see where my dad and his brother might have the mother wound, not that they would acknowledge it.

I can’t say that I have never channeled my maternal grandmother when yelling at my kids when they were small, but it was just the yelling. The boy had his ass beat many of times but just his ass and just my hand. My paternal cousins minus one confirmed have never used a belt as punishment. These kids are all disciplined without a belt or a timeout chair….somewhere in the middle seems to be working for us.

I would give anything to have my mother here with me now and I feel like I have betrayed her memory in someway with my words. That was not my intention. The meditation brought up these feelings and I am writing them to release them….My mother came from a world where you didn’t talk about these things and therefore I was raised to never talk about those things….but I’m here now to talk about these things….Zia


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Love is Love

Love is love. How many times do I have to say those words? My little brother is coming home for Christmas….finally!!! He is bringing his husband with him, who I am excited to meet by the way! My middle brother hasn’t told his teenage sons yet….best example of reborn christians so far… (inset large eye roll)  I just had to endure my bimonthly phone call with my father and when I asked if my brother would be staying with him in his big empty house he said “yuck! I don’t want them doing any of that icky in my house.”

The Girl said “if that was me, I would have just hung up.” Ha! if it were only that easy. My dad has been in his new house 4, maybe 5 years and I have never stepped foot in it. Not out of spite or anything, I just have no reason to go there. I’ve been through this a million times, I don’t hate my father…I’m just indifferent. Mostly I’m not certain my mother won’t rise from the dead and kick my butt….I don’t want to piss her off!

Now that those 24 minutes of my day are out of there I can talk about things that actually matter to me. Wow does that sound harsh? I guess the truth isn’t pretty but it’s how I feel.

The Girl and I stopped at a couple of local businesses today for small business Saturday. The first stop was my friend’s sustainable store and then we made the trek to another favorite. I used to frequent her store a couple of times a month before the C word. She moved her business to a location further away and I never quite trusted my car to make it out there or should I say…to not break down on the East side which is a not so nice part of town.So I took my new car on it’s first little trek into the unknown. Her new store is a beautiful space and I was able to get quite a few Christmas presents while I was there.

Then one of my coworkers picked us up and we went to an event at local historical site. I love my yearly chestnut roasted on an open fire. It was extra fun because she had her four year old daughter with her and Santa was at the event. It was a beautiful day, much like last year. Speaking of beautiful days….I’m obsessed with taking sun pictures these days!

Why have I never tried it before? This one is with a basic iphone, I have had some different results with my camera. It’s been a fun experiment.What fun new things have you tried lately? Did you partake in any holiday shopping this weekend? What was your favorite purchase?

I tried to keep things local as much as possible but I did indulge a purchase for myself…a merino wool bra. I know it sounds crazy…even to me but I have been struggling lately with fabrics that aren’t natural. It’s almost become like a mission. I have found some pieces thrifting but they will need to be altered. I guess I am going to have to figure out that sewing machine for real.

I hope you have a wonderful Saturday night! I will leave you with a photo of our 2022 tree with no ornaments. One look at the picture and you will know why…..Zia

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The Spider Speaks

I walked out to my car which was parked in between two very bristly bushes…why would I back my car up in that spot? There was also a large spider web in front of my car but it wasn’t really my car. I knew I had to remove the web to get past it but the spiders were extra creepy. I have never seen spiders like this and was not surprised when the mom slid down the web. She was huge and I knew when I reached out my hand that she was going to bite me…I did it anyway. She opened her fangs and latched on to my ring…there was a struggle and I woke up.

I get it… I’m nervous about having a car payment again…especially one that is more than the agreed upon price. But whatever…that’s the new game the 1% is playing. Last year it was the housing market and now it’s the car market. Did I put myself in a prickly position by buying a new car? I hope not! The spider will not be silent. She shows up dream after dream so today I’m listening and I’m here…weaving my web.

Is anyone still out there? I mean the people from 13 months ago…are any of us still here? I know Amy from still posts but other than that I have been pretty absent. I guess I’m going to have to reacquaint myself with this space since it turns out I’m staying, by direct order of the spider.

So much has happened since my last post….the most important is discovering my love of the photography of abandoned spaces. This year I won my first award at an art show and had two pieces hang in an actual museum for a few weeks!!!! I traveled to Michigan and Tennessee and am still amazed at how much I loved Lake Michigan…if it wasn’t for all of that snow, I might be there now.

I also discovered foraging and it seems to bridge my love of herbs and flowers in a new way. I never leave home without my camera, my clippers and a small shovel. My basement is full of flower essences, herbal infused oils, and tinctures. I have many, many things to say about all of this but not all at once.

I had to walk away last year…it was too much. Too much vaxx bullshit and I can’t even believe it’s still an issue today. As a person who has been sending out resumes….trust me, it’s still a thing. Not sure why? I’m not going down that path because …just because.

I was lost for so long after I stopped blogging but I couldn’t post, I just couldn’t. Now I’m back, it’s not my job to wake people up…it took a long time to realize that one. I can’t make you see what you aren’t ready to see and my energy is too valuable to try.

I’m on vacation next week so it seems like the perfect time to try and get back into the rhythm of blogging….Zia


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My cousin from the North came down yesterday and her best friend drove up from the next state over. When they come to town, I drop everything if I can. I was on vacation/staycation last week so it was the perfect timing for a visit.

The magical clock in the picture above came with a pair of matching candelabras for a mere thousand dollars……yikes! I love everything about it….right down to the Greenman in the center of the clock but a thousand dollars? No wonder it’s been sitting in the store for years. It is a 25″ Imperial Brass Franz Hermle Italian/German Brass Mantle Clock. I have found it on various sites for $125.00 or less….which is much more reasonable. I did by a book from 1812 about fairies and other stories of wonder, but that was it from this place.

I have been down quite the rabbit hole lately…it is multi-faceted. You pick…Tartary, the book of Enoch, mud floods, and resets. Locally I have not been able to find much but I do have an antique map coming from across the pond the notes the Tartarian Empire. Reference books about the Tuatha De Danann are impossible to find so I have to take what I can get. One rabbit hole…leads to another and some days it can be exhausting. So I am always seeking out the unusual in unique places.

The last two days I think we covered almost all of the thrift stores and most of the antique stores….it has been quite the adventure. The only exception was our trek through the cemetery. We spent hours seeking out my grandmother’s baby brother who died at five months. Once we located and documented the find, then we moved on to the rest of the family members. Most of the graves had overgrowth and we didn’t think to bring tools so we used our hands.

Traipsing through the graveyard barefoot….check, using your bare hands to clear off overgrowth on tombstones….check, finding the elusive tombstone…check. This was the end of my all trees and few people week. I spent many hours by myself following the trails and playing with the light,,,always surprised at the results. Nature is magic…never forget. I know I never will…

Tomorrow morning we will meet again for the send off…until next year. We have grand plans for next year but who knows what the world will bring….Zia


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Poof…..It’s Gone

Nine years, 1,728 posts, and 863,055 words later and it’s gone…just like that, well not quite. I did copy and paste every dream into a file and that took quite a bit of time. Deleting the posts 20 at a time is also very time consuming. I knew this was going to take some time but geez, I just passed the four hour mark! **At the 6th hour, I decided to leave the very first post***

I would like to give a shout out to those who continuously showed up to read my words, thank you. It takes a special person to keep showing up while I repeat myself…over and over again. How many times did I refer to my dreams as “wild” or “off the charts”? Too many times to count. It’s embarrassing, appalling even…

It was a tough decision to delete all of my posts. I guess it isn’t too different from burning my old journals, but I felt this one more. This blog has become a huge part of me and it hurts my heart to not sit down and write like I used to do. I am not saying goodbye but I will be holding back some. It’s not a secret that I tend to overshare….a lot. 2020/2021 has taught me so much and has opened my eyes to more than I ever wanted to know. How did we ever miss so much?

I’m not sure what this blog will look like going forward, just like I didn’t know back in July 2012. Only time will tell….Zia

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