Question Before the Court

Do I…..or don’t I? This whole school year I have done everything in my power for the girl so she can walk at her home school’s graduation. Then she wavered for a bit in the last few weeks which let me get my hopes up. Now she is leaning towards walking again. I was surprised at how much I didn’t want to go?  I saw her graduate from her school with all of her friends and while the actual diploma comes from her home school , it’s not required that she walk on graduation day. I was fine for all of this time because I knew I had to do it and then she had to waver… was just long enough for my real feelings to come to the surface.

I could go with the one mom I am friends with….barricade myself within her family unit with the hopes that I remain invisible. For me it feels like going backwards. I don’t give two shits what any of those people think of me but there is always that chance that one of those idiots will send Cockroach a text. I don’t want any drama and this is the very last piece of that part of my past. Can’t I just skip it? The parents most likely to send the text will be there I’m sure. Last I heard their daughter wasn’t being detained by the police in any way so they will be there…trying to stir up something because that’s what those people do. I really, really don’t want to go.

I went to the Saturday yoga class that I have been going to this morning. It’s such a nice gentle class and she always has the best music playing. Sometimes I will hear a song and it will strike a chord with me on some level. This song did just that and the video reminded me that the girl and I never saw this movie. I went online this afternoon and reserved it from the library.

A funny thing happened after class….I was talking to the teacher and my throat closed and I started coughing. Not in a normal way. It was like the Universe was saying “stop talking now” The minute I walked away from her I stopped coughing, it was the weirdest feeling. I also felt something touch my side during savasana. That’s not a first for me although I usually hear things more. It was a very weird morning.

I left yoga and went to the ReStore where I found this signed print in a horrible frame. I took the print and left them with the frame so they could resell it.

I was drawn to the image instantly although I feel she is a little sad. The girl thinks the face is creepy. I think statuesque is a better description but that’s just me. A woman I worked with at Joann’s gave me this as a present because she knew I liked the frame. I never had a place to hang it so it’s been in storage for about ten years. I think I will take it to Hobby Lobby and have a mat cut so I can use this frame.

The girl and I watched the first episode of Anne with an E last night. I loved those books when I was little and I also loved the original mini series. I believe this little girl as Anne. Matthew…while not Richard Farnsworth has won me over. I’m not sure yet about the new Marilla because Colleen Dewhurst was the perfect person for this roll. I give the new actress some credit because you can tell she studied the original. I haven’t made it to the part with the new Gilbert but Jonathan Crombie has some big shoes to fill. The new Anne is pretty young so will they recast her every season? They were able to make Megan Follows look young in Anne of Green Gables so it was an easier transition into Anne of Avonlea. Only time will tell and I have a couple of book page wreaths that I need to make this weekend so I may get quite a few episodes in…..Zia

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Picture Day

I feel like I didn’t get a whole lot accomplished on this half day Wednesday. I’m sure the hour nap late this afternoon had a little to do with that.(wink wink)

I messed with photos from Walgreens and had to make two trips. I sent them through late last night and it’s been a while so I forgot how the image varies so drastically when you change the size. I lost two whole kids when I made a picture an 8×10. They were really good about applying the money from the 8×10’s to the new collages that I made so it didn’t hurt so bad. They have a 40% off sale going on now so I am trying to send pictures in as soon as I know I need them.

Funny story about Walgreens…..I almost ended up with the cheating skank sister in laws photos as well. She went back to her maiden name why is she still using mine? Not only that, she didn’t use her first name and we both have the same first initial. So who is she messing around on now? Not my problem anymore, I am just glad my brother is free of her. 

This after meeting a new coworker at my waitress job on Saturday night. I think I forgot to mention this in all of the graduation excitement. This little 21/22 year old new girl was standing talking to the other girls. I happened to be up on the stairs watching her. Mostly because she reminded me of the skanky sister in law. She happened to be standing by a part of the wall that is a mirror and she kept catching her reflection while she was talking….smiling at herself….and then taking her hair out of the ponytail only to put it right back up. This girl likes herself a whole lot and the nationalities match up. Not that I think all Lebanese people are conceited….just those two. (my ex sister in law is half)  It freaked me out a lot, I hope this girl rarely works a Saturday.

I purchased a small drawer a while back from the ReStore to make a project. I need old sewing drawers, the small one would have a whole different look. Since I had this one I painted it for use at the graduation party to hold the rolled silverware.

I also put the unicorn print in it’s new frame. This frame was only $15.00, it’s not as nice as the one at Joann’s but the size is what I needed.

The mat looks black in the picture but it is really navy blue. I didn’t have time to dig out the tools to put a proper hanger on it. I rarely use what comes on the frame.

That was it….not much. Hopefully I will be more productive tomorrow…..Zia

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The Places She Will Go….

I was so excited for the girl when I woke up this morning. I remember how excited I was on graduation day, although the girl likes school way more than I did. I couldn’t wait to get out!

I got to her school around eight. I made a brief pit stop to congratulate baby mama and give her a hug before I went to the girls class room. She was eager to take pictures which surprised me. She took a picture with everyone in her class including the teacher. I picked the background. I thought the periodic tables were fitting for her class. Obviously I can’t post the pictures but I cropped most of the girl out of one of them.


So after our photo shoot I headed out to the madhouse of seating. I found the ex husband and they didn’t have enough seats which was okay. He did stand and offer his seat which was crazy. I told him to sit down, it was fine, I would find my own seat. When the boy graduated they saved me a seat….well the girl saved me a seat.

I found a seat next to two Chatty Cathys which was slightly annoying. When the kids came in I was the lucky one because the girl walked in on my side. She saw me, smiled, I waved, and in the next second she realized her dad and brother weren’t there. That look on her face was not my favorite….I didn’t  cause it and I didn’t care for it.

I think that he thinks that he steals all of the moments but he really isn’t. Sure he had her last night and today, big deal. When I went to take pictures in her class room, most of those kids knew me. He doesn’t know any of her friends, he only knows the little world he created with his parents, the boy and the girl. To each his own, I don’t feel a bit deprived.

Do you remember that little book page flower vase I made last night? Well, she picked it up and loved it. She made me take the $20.00 even though I only feel it was only worth $10.00. She was happy and that’s what counts. It was my first custom order and it went well. Whew!

The girl just came home, and it’s early? I’m not complaining, I can’t wait to hear all of the things that happened after the ceremony since I had to leave and go back to work. It’s all very exciting……Zia

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The Big Day

Tomorrow the girl graduates high school. I can’t even believe it….she was just four last week. Time really does go that fast. That has pretty much consumed my time since Saturday. All of the invitations are addressed and I took them to the post office last night. She decided that she wanted me to make a book page wreath for one of her favorite teachers and that took up most of my night last night.

I have a couple of different things that I am working on for her party at the moment but I will wait to post until they are finished. I did pull out my tote of graduation stuff I bought last year at 80-90% off. I can’t remember exactly how much it all cost but I’m pretty sure it was $15.00 or less.

I couldn’t remember what I had so I thought I had better bring this out so I don’t over buy like I tend to do. I need cups and maybe some more forks. I still have to make the picture board but other than that I mainly need to concentrate on food. I need to make some decisions there as well.  Lots of people have lots of opinions and that will help me pro and con it until I make up my mind.

So how about this one….I sent my ex husband a text about her party and that he was more than welcome to come and invite whoever he wants. Which would be his parents, one cousin, and I think the kids said he had a friend at work. I am trying to be the bigger person here….I can suck it up and deal with his mother for a few hours. Do you know he never answered me? What’s that about? It doesn’t matter to me, I was just trying to be nice. When will I learn to stop that? Oh well….I am who I am.

I had a patient ask me if I could make a smaller version of my book page topiary, maybe in a vase to use as a card holder for an anniversary present. So I came up with this….

You can’t really see the vase against the black but you get the idea.  I text her a picture and she seems excited. I told her $10.00 and she is insisting $20.00. The poor woman just lost her husband last year. I think $10.00 is a fair price, it only took me a little over an hour to make it.  We left it at “why don’t we wait until you see it in person”. She’s supposed to pick it up in the next couple of days.

I also made brownies for a fundraiser at the ReStore tonight. It’s been a busy one over here……Zia


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Set in Stone….

I had been doing a lot of stressing lately over the girl’s graduation party. I have never thrown a graduation party and that alone is a lot of pressure. I wasn’t sure when to have it or where to have it, although I had an idea. KB booked the pavilion last night and I made the invitations today so I would definitely say it is set in stone. I said to the girl “what do I know about having a graduation party?” She shrugged her shoulders and said “nothing”. I then asked her “what do I know about throwing a Summer Solstice party?” “A lot” she agreed. That is how I picked the date. It’s on a Wednesday and that made the rental cheaper and hopefully the park less busy. I have successfully thrown many parties on this date and I am hopeful this will be one more to add to the list.

We went to the craft store today to pick up some napkins and silverware in her school colors. I had originally grabbed her home school colors and she asked if we could do some in her actual school colors. It’s her party, I don’t really care what colors we use. I have a lot of silverware to roll regardless.

We had a slight disagreement about pictures. She doesn’t want a photo board in any way shape or form. Her argument is “if they want to see me they can turn around and say “oh there she is”. I’m not dead, I’m just graduating.” She’s just going to have to suck it up because she is getting a photo board.

I bought her a desk from the ReStore today. After I fix it up for her it will be her graduation present. It’s the same style as her furniture and has the same drawer pulls as the night stand I bought her in recent months.

I took my camera to work yesterday to get some practice in during lunch. I was looking for anything with a flower. I did not know what a black locust tree in bloom looked like before yesterday and the smell was perfect. I even made Force of Nature Girl walk over and smell it. She inhaled so hard that she ended up with a petal up her nose and still couldn’t smell it. I grabbed some flowers off of it after it rained and then she could smell it. All perfume should be that subtle.

It was a pretty slow night at work tonight, thankfully I had a small party because that was my only table. The girl has a friend sleeping over and once again it is scary movie night at my house…..Zia


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I Forgot to Mention…….

There have been quite a few things that I forgot to mention over the last day or two. Somehow I always start where I am and work backwards, which doesn’t always work. Today was relatively uneventful so I will fill you in on the tiny tidbits I meant to mention.

Tuesday night I was on a mission. I needed a pair of sandals, desperately. I had previously tried Shoe Carnival with no luck and one of their employees made me angry at the same time. I will go out of my way to not shop there anymore. Someone suggested DSW so I started there. I spent at least an hour and fifteen minutes in that store with no luck. I came very close to purchasing a pair of overpriced Clarks because they were the closest fit. I just couldn’t bring myself to spend that kind of money on something that didn’t fit perfect. I left frustrated and was going to try Kohls next.  I passed TJ Max on the way and thought “why not?” I needed more olive oil anyway. I found a pair of sandals that really do fit and I like the $24.99 price much better. I was worried that they might be old lady-ish because the were Naturalizer sandals but some ‘youngin’ in the next isle assured me that they didn’t look bad. It’s so hard for me to buy sandals and flip flops, there is always such a gap on the top of my foot. I wore them last night on the tour and they were very comfortable…no blisters.

One of the most important things that happened yesterday was that I saw my first dragonfly of the season. It was buzzing around my car in the Joann fabric parking lot, I was super excited. I can’t believe I forgot to mention it.

One of the things that happened on the tour last night was a reading of an old poem.  I am more of a rhyming girl myself but at the same time I can appreciate a poem that does not rhyme. This was more of a rant than a poem. I can’t remember if it was from the 60’s or 70’s and I guess that part doesn’t matter. They stressed that it was meant as satire….I found it offensive and can’t believe they read it.  All the pretty girls fly to Texas and the ugly girls with ankles are left? Something else about a little black boy? It was very derogatory in my opinion. I hope the young black girl didn’t take offense. I am trying to find the name of the poem so I can give better examples. Either this dude didn’t like women or he was rejected often. I still can’t believe they read it out loud in the middle of downtown.

The girl finally came home last night, the dog hasn’t seen her since Monday morning. She had really bad cramps and went straight to the bathtub. The dog jumped in the bathtub with her and wouldn’t budge so they both had a bath. This is why I told her that if she goes to help her grandmother after hip surgery…..the dog goes with her. This dog has the worst separation anxiety!

I’m pretty sure (not positive) that I mentioned the creepy young guy from the old neighborhood that is having cataract surgery? I refer to him as (bar name) vermin. He was in today sucking face in the corner with the girl that he is currently living off of… gross. The minute I saw him coming in the door I said “I’m out!” and went to the back. He is caid caresource and in our town those people consistently show up late and are always demanding. His original appointment was yesterday at 8am, he showed up at 11:50…..knowing we closed at noon. His new appointment was today at 8, I think he rolled in around 9-9:15.  It’s not right on so many levels….

Then we had a young frame rep over in optical who had on hooker shoes and a dress that showed borderline butt cheek. Who dresses like that? The boys come in dressed professionally and to be fair this is only second rep I have ever seen tramping it up. I know it’s wrong but I couldn’t help myself and I took a picture. She had already taken her shoes off and while it’s very blurry, you can get the idea.

Not very professional and yet not as bad as the drug rep who gave our tech a beaver shot during one of her lunches.  What’s wrong with these girls? I don’t get it. There are two who always dress stylish with all parts covered….that’s where I would put my money.

Today I received a letter from the girl’s home school….fingers crossed that all is still okay. It was about some award for being on the honor roll all year. She wouldn’t have been able to go even if we received it in a timely manner. She had graduation practice today and again tomorrow. Monday is a mandatory day and then she graduates. Fingers crossed all of this goes well and she gets to walk at her home school too. My refrigerator is filling up quickly….it looks like the class of 2017 exploded all over it. Parties….parties….and more parties. I need to book a place for the girl stat…..Zia


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Red Socks?

Sooooo, RD and I went to a architectural historical tour of downtown tonight. We met up with the two who were giving the tour and introduced ourselves. Both are very knowledgeable about the history of my town. I did learn a lot of things that I didn’t know and I am very glad that I went. I wish there was more walking while talking during this event. It was more of a talk than a tour.

The older of the two was wearing khaki pants and a long sleeve button down shirt. The younger author was wearing a blue suit of a summer fabric and I wish I was better at fashion because it has a name.  When the older one sat down I noticed his big thick red socks. First of all it was way too hot for that much sock and second of all……red? Red didn’t match anything? His shoes and his belt match so I am going to go out on a limb and say this was on purpose????? I haven’t gotten over the red sock thing and any other historical function that I go to and he is there….he will be referred to as red socks.

Anyhoo…..the history. My grandmother came here in 1928 right in the middle of the heyday of this town. There was culture, there was style, there was entertainment….big names too.  Sure there was mafia and not everyone agrees with me when I say “things were better when they ran this town.” Now drugs run this town. You here stories at least twice a week where a three or four year old has to call 911 because grandma and grandpa or mommy or daddy won’t wake up. It’s a scary ass world right now. I’m sure they had their problems back then too. 

The girl always asks me “how can you love the history of this town so much and hate where you live at the same time?” I don’t know….maybe I was meant to be a snowbird? I hate how the road crews won’t take care of the roads in the winter. It really bothers me, I can’t help it. I like the change of seasons but winter in my town is no fun. Plus there’s the whole vitamin D thing.

I love the patina on this door, I couldn’t take a good picture of it to save my life….

RD and I stopped at a little Italian place while were downtown. She had this spicy friend cheese that I have never seen before and I had baked artichoke hearts in parmesan cheese and olive oil.

It was so good but it was too much. I couldn’t even eat half of it. Speaking of food…..I went to my favorite Italian deli and stocked up today. I had a piece and a half of swiss cheese when I got home. That piece and a half was like a huge weight on my stomach. Listen…..I can give up milk, I can give up cream…but cheese? I don’t think I can do it. I have mozzarella and american in the fridge to try, maybe tomorrow? All of this paying attention…..what did I get myself into?

I stopped at two craft stores today looking for a frame for my new unicorn print. I found nothing. I really like the way the frame I found at Joann’s looked but it was too big. I don’t want it to be huge on the wall.


Today went so fast….all of my days seem to go so fast, I can’t believe it’s bed time already…..Zia


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Run With It….

I have been like a machine ever since I got home from work today. Don’t get me wrong when the mood to clean strikes I ride it as long as I can. This was different and more effective. Could it be this guy?

I did practice self Reiki last night using the bear? It’s the only explanation that I have. Wherever the inspiration came from, I am grateful and am running with it.

Yesterday I washed all of the blue surgery towels that we never use at work and today I filled up that cool container I bought last week. I don’t like a stale smelling towel, even a rag so I stuffed a few old socks with herbs, a cinnamon stick, and a piece of star anise or two. Hopefully that will keep them fresh since I don’t use dryer sheets.

That was my day today, I worked and came home and worked some more. It’s after ten and the first time I sat down tonight. It was worth it though…..Zia

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The Colors of My Day

Today was my Holy Fire Reiki two class and I learned more today than I have over the last year. There were two other women in the class and the added energy made a huge difference. Sometimes a small group is better than a one on one, especially when you are practicing. We learned how to scan and give Reiki with our eyes. This was the first time I saw a light. My partner had a halo like light above and around her head. This is the first time I experienced anything like this. It was pretty exciting.

We also learned how to use a teddy bear to give distance Reiki. The best part about learning this is that you can use it to practice self Reiki. I am horrible about practicing on myself. I know now that I have this tool I will use it.  This meant a trip to Build a Bear was in order. I took the one girl from out of state to my favorite store for crystals, incense, candles, etc. I picked the most beautiful piece of Selenite (desert rose) and a piece of pink opal to put in my bear. I did this on a whim and didn’t consult my Love is in the Earth book until after the stones were safely sewn up in my Reiki bear. I was lucky and my choices were dead on with my intentions. A smarter person would have consulted the book before the purchase.

When we were working on this in class, my bear represented my partner. This time it was the other woman in the class. I was sending Reiki to this woman through the bear and as I looked down on the bear around it’s head and along it’s arm was a blue green light. I blinked a couple of times….the rational me was thinking there must be something on my contact lens. Which was silly.  I found it strange that when I looked at the woman I didn’t see anything, but that bear….he was radiating color. Twice in one day I saw something only I could see. Part of me is excited and part of me is like “whoa!”  Only time will tell if it happens again….

This really was my whole day. Class started at 9:30am and ended at 3:30 pm. We stayed and talked for forty minutes or so. I took the out of towner to one of my favorite stores and then to the vault restaurant for a drink. I didn’t get home until almost 6:30 and then the girl and I started running errands. I didn’t get all of my stuff done and I have nobody to blame but myself. I made a new connection today, a possible new friend. I will always pick an experience like this over laundry and grocery shopping.  I would hope that if I ever travel out of town for a class that a local would take the time to show me the cool places. 

I started my day with a wild dream about soaring turkey vultures. Me being me….I grabbed my Animal Speak book and looked it up first thing. Funny how everything I did last weekend with the cleanse is vulture medicine. Pay attention to what I eat and how it makes me feel, that’s vulture medicine too. Except for tonight. The girl and I went to Burger King because that’s where the boy works and had burgers. I’m fairly certain Burger King killed all of the progress I made this week. It was late, I was tired, and in no way was I going to cook dinner.

I haven’t fully recovered from my hell week and it looks like I may be starting my week behind. Hopefully I will find some catch up time after my waitress job tomorrow…..Zia

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Oh Friday….I Could Just Kiss You

Thank goodness I can finally put this week behind me. For being such a rough week, today was surprisingly easy. Except for that part where I spent two hours on the phone with Eyemed. Fifteen minutes total speaking with an actual person and an hour and forty five minutes on hold or trying to get past Eva, the virtual assistant. They only let you check on five claims at a time and I had twenty.Yep, I talked to four different people.

We still didn’t leave work until 5:17 which is later than it should have been but still wasn’t so bad. There’s always that one Chatty Cathy that has to ruin it for everybody. Lesson learned and that patient will never be scheduled that late again.

I needed to be out at a somewhat decent hour because it was book club tonight. It was a very lively discussion.

SB couldn’t get past the fact that she left without her daughter. I agree, I couldn’t have left mine but the times were different back then. This was about Mata Hari and her survival. My synopsis in a nutshell…..the world fucked her, she fucked it right back, and the only reason she took a bullet was because she was a woman. No person should have to suffer the way that woman suffered. She did what she had to, to survive her world.

So Sb and I went a couple of friendly rounds about that, like I said….it was a lively discussion. We ventured off topic a lot and boy oh boy did we laugh. It was a good night. The laughter was much needed after this week.

Yesterday at work we received every off the wall phone call possible. Here is one example….

“John, your secondary insurance isn’t paying. You need to contact medicaid and find out why.”

“I don’t have medicaid, that asshole Trump did away with medicaid.”

“Sir, the president did not get rid of your medicaid.”

“He has his head so far up Putin’s ass, he doesn’t know anything.”

“Sir, I don’t see how Putin is relevant here.”

“Do you even know who Putin is? He is the enemy, he is Russia. I served in Vietnam and I know an enemy when I see one.”



“You still need to call medicaid and find out why they aren’t paying.”

He said a few other things and I cut  him off as I was hanging up. Normally I don’t engage in this way but after many dealings with this particular patient I know it really doesn’t matter what I say. He isn’t listening to me.One out of every three phone calls on Thursday were just plain crazy. I was so mentally spent by the time I left work on Thursday, it was ridiculous. Needless to say, I did nothing last night.

We had Chinese for lunch at work yesterday. I still ate my big salad but I did break down and have a couple pieces of General Tso’s chicken, which led to a touch of heartburn. It didn’t last long but it was there. I had to eat two fortune cookies because the first fortune made no sense. How do you aim high in hope?

My life seems to be getting away from me again. We have had to many late nights at work as of late. I only get one day off so something has to give. I guess I am feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment. So much to do…so little time……Zia


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