Look at that Gray….

I had the opportunity to look at the gray…straight up…and to be honest? I don’t hate it.  It is true that the accidental blue has helped with the grow out and I get more compliments than criticisms. Don’t get me wrong…there are haters and some of them are even friends…

The fact that my teeth have shifted and now I have a slight gap between my front teeth bothers me way more than the gray/blue hair. This is not my best picture and I didn’t ask my Ren Faire neighbor about posting the picture….it’s on a public sight so I am guessing it’s okay?  It’s the only picture of me at the faire that I have…it was early and still cool which is why I was wearing the scarf like I was all bundled up…

Also….if I am not allowed to sit down for 8 hours….than I am totally wearing Clarks…I don’t care if they don’t match. This is a one and done event so I am not going to go off and make a big deal about the craziness of that rule when I work alone. I am thankful for the opportunity and the experience but I will not be back next year. One more weekend…..I can do this!

Today..work was work and there isn’t a single thing that I want to elaborate on at the  moment… There was one part of the morning when I was working on an insurance check or monitoring productivity when I saw something slam into the window. Me being me…went outside to investigate. It turns out a female goldfinch flew into the window. Once I found her outside she was pretty still and the closer I got..the heavier her breathing became. I did not want to add extra stress to the situation so I gave her a pep talk. “I know you are scared but take a second to breathe. It will be okay… I am going to go back inside and give you time to collect yourself and then I will come back and check on you. Hopefully you are just stunned.”  I went back out and hour or so later and she was gone..she must have just been stunned. Whew!

On the way out of work today…I was on a mission. I needed out of there stat! One of the nurses noted “look at her fly”. The second I opened the back door to leave there was a whoosh and I was staring down a big beautiful dragonfly! I looked at him and said “I get it ….change is coming but for right now at this moment….I need to get out of here!”

I came home and started dinner which took way longer than anticipated. I washed my scrubs and my bed but did not get out there in time to cut the grass. There is always tomorrow….Zia

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Me and My Big Mouth…

When will I ever learn? Probably never (insert eye roll). I surprised myself when I flirted with the man in the kilt yesterday. It was nice to know that I still could flirt when I felt a connection. Big K and Force of Nature Girl have me married off…

I’m not exactly sure what part of “I will never see him again” that they don’t understand???? I will admit that I did a Google search of his name this morning. That new young doctor has been a bad influence on me. Whenever she finds somebody she thinks is interesting it’s my job to find the facts. I leave Facebook to her, I only search public records. So I searched…he is my age. I am really bad about guessing age because I don’t feel 48 so it was nice to know that I wasn’t too far off with this guess.

The artist asked me to get names and emails for her newsletter which is the only reason I knew his name. Sadly I let myself be sucked into peer pressure and looked him up on Facebook. It was quick and only to find a picture to show them. I am always nervous that someone will know when I search them and we are not friends. Out of of garb….I still think he is cute.

They are totally missing the point. This guy is a complete stranger who….I will never see again. Let me stress….never see again! If you asked me on Friday if I would ever consider dating again I would have said “maybe? but probably not…I like my life.” It is true, I do like my life but….it’s been a long time since I looked at someone and said ” maybe…just maybe?”

That brief instant when instinct kicked in and I felt a connection…that was the important part. Not this guy. I imagine he is nice but I don’t really know. I guess if I really wanted to….I could make room for someone else in my life. This is news to me and honestly…I really do believe that was his purpose.

I have one more weekend and then my weekend side gig will be over. I have learned a lot about myself and it’s been quite the adventure. Would I do it again next year? Heck no!  If I am going to be honest….I’m not sorry that I signed up for this year, it was worth it….Zia

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Full Moon at the Faire

It was definitely a different weekend. Today was busier than yesterday but it came in spurts….I found myself looking at the time and counting down the hours an awful lot.

I actually slept at the hotel last night. It was still outdated and run down but for the most part it was clean and the wifi worked. It was strange to me that the toilet and the shower were in the bathroom but the sink with the mirror was outside the door. Strange but better than where I was staying.

I got to the Faire early like I normally do on Sundays since I’m close and walked around a bit. I would really like an authentic garb to wear but can’t justify the cost. I bought nothing this week but I am eyeing a stuffed Nessie for the Girl for Christmas.

Another thing happened today….I flirted. It’s been an awful long time but I am still pretty sure it was flirting. I noticed him when he first walked into the booth….he was wearing a kilt so of course I noticed. He was cute so I looked more than once. He wasn’t very tall but I’m only looking…right? He was there with friends and I learned that he had limited wall space. The friends made a purchase and I was holding it for them. He was to make his decision by the time they came back top retrieve their art.

It was all kind of whirlwindish because they came back right after my breaker came and I had just come back from a bathroom run. On a side note….weekend 5 and this was the best late afternoon Sunday at the porta potties …it wasn’t awful. I was prepared for awful so I was pleasantly surprised. He walked into the booth carrying a framed piece of something and I said something like “I thought you only had wall space for one more piece.” He smiled and replied “I bought this from the coat of arms place for a Christmas present. Don’t worry I wasn’t cheating on you.” This was followed by a light banter back and forth. I learned about a Scottish festival out that way during this last conversation.

Recap….as far as I can tell he is single. He is of Scottish decent. He has great taste in art.  He was cute and wearing a kilt. Those are all great things but none of them matter. First and foremost I will never see him again. The part that matters is…I can still flirt…even with gray roots and a bad henna/indigo experiment blue left in my hair….I can still flirt. I guess I’m not dead yet…..

Once again, no one was in a hurry to leave. I felt extra bad for the woman who braids hair next to me…Someone came up after the cannon boomed and wanted her hair braided. I have an hour and thirty five minute drive…she has a three hour drive. People are so rude.

Speaking of rude….I could not get around the traffic today. When I hit the bridge I hate, not only did I have to drive in the dreaded right lane but another car had the nerve to drive right next to me in the left lane the whole way. I didn’t die but I didn’t like it either. It was dark on top of everything. Only one more weekend…

I made it home around 8:30, changed my clothes and went right in to food prep. I know I have already said it but …one more weekend to go…..Zia

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Let’s See if This Works?

The wifi didn’t seem like it was working on my phone but it appears to be working on the IPad. Fingers crossed….

The kids were up with me this morning. The Boy was dropping a friend off at the airport and the Girl went with him so he didn’t have to drive home alone. He did okay, I was relieved. I wasn’t too worried because the Boy likes to drive but there is a lot more traffic in a big city than where we live. 

I was a little worried about rain this morning and I luckily dodged most of it. There were brief periods of misting and other times there were big fat rain drops but nothing that impaired my driving. I pulled in to the Faire ahead of schedule, loaded up my new wagon with art, and headed down the bumpy terrain. As soon as I dropped the handle of the wagon in front of the booth there was a large boom of thunder. I went around back, unlocked the door, and opened the front doors. I pulled the wagon into the booth right before the rain started. I couldn’t have timed that better if I tried.

It was a good day for the most part. There seemed to be more drunk people than usual but other than that it was good.  There were also quite a few guys dressed in women’s garb. A Renaissance Faire drag queen…why not? Maybe drag queen is the wrong word? I’m pretty sure a good drag queen will require more than one glance to be sure…there was never a question that these were men.

My Holy Fire Reiki teacher even surprised me with a visit! Today was her birthday and this is where she wanted to go, so her husband and daughters brought her. We didn’t get to talk to much because I was working but we did catch up a little. 

When there a lot of drunk people they tend to not want to leave. It took me a long time to get out of there tonight. I’d rather it be tonight than tomorrow night. The new hotel is only one turn away from the old hotel so I found it without a hitch. The wifi seems to be working so that is huge plus! I still wiped everything down and moved my car once I found my room. It’s really old and outdated here but it’s 100% better than the awful place that I have been staying. There are a lot more people staying here as well. I even saw other people from the renaissance faire. The lady in front of me at check in was here doing genealogy research. She lives in Arizona. There’s that genealogy thing again….it keeps popping up. 

I will try to get a little writing done, hopefully it ends up being more than anticipated. I wasn’t sure that the wifi would work and it was a long day, ending with a new hotel. I’m still going to give it a try. I printed out what I have written and studied it pretty good today. Yes there are things that need cleaned up and a punctuation check wouldn’t hurt but for the most part…..I like what I have written so far. I makes my stomach do flip flops and I’m a little giddy….is that a bad thing? Mostly I just spend time proofreading and am only looking for errors. Today I read it from beginning to end, only pausing to make a quick edit. I don’t think I have done that before today.

Is it wrong that I like what I have written so far? It’s far from perfect but I am very proud of where I am in the writing process. Some things are even a surprise to me. The Girl read it last night and asked “where are you going with the feather thing?” I looked at her and said “I have no idea where the feather thing came from in the first place so I have no idea  how it is relevant or where I am going with it….all I can do is persevere and hope for the best….Zia

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Full Moon Rising….

I think I am finally on the other side of whatever it was that was pulling me down this week. I don’t really think it was working the side gig and it wasn’t all because of my cycle although that did kill my energy, I really think it was the moon.


I found this today and fell in love with it…normally I don’t post the same things on my Instagram but tomorrow will be the exception. This is a total full moon kind of post.

Some time today I snapped out of my fogginess or at least it seemed less. I feel like a whole new person tonight and I didn’t even take an extra nap when I got home. I even got some writing done. If I can have some wifi that actually works the next two Saturday’s then I might have a chance to get through some serious pages. I also need to get a working printer in the next couple of weeks. I found two exceptionally good deals on QVC in the last three months but they always ran out before I got mine. They really shouldn’t let you order it if they can’t fill the order.

I had some dreams last night. I only remember part of one and I have no idea what it means? I was somewhere where there was framing going on. Someone was making a shadow box that had the most beautiful earthy colored lace sewn down around the outside of the mat. There was also a bouquet in the same earthy colors that were be mounted to the mat. I noticed some unique paper or felted wool….not sure of the texture, it was handmade though. It was also in earth tone colors and the bottom of the shadow box was layered in this unique paper/wool. I was looking at the wool/ paper trying to decide if I could make it myself when I reached for the stones. There were two bags and the person to my left was hoarding one of the bags. I finally got to look through their bag and grabbed a couple of earth tone stones. I was going to use the stones to make something but I am not sure what I was making?  That was all I remember.

I did wake up and remember that I still had my paper making supplies which made me happy and then I saw a post on Instagram that made me think that it may have been felted wool in my dreams. Weird things are happening in my dreams…I dream it and then it shows up on Instagram or Pinterest…it freaks me out a little.

I love this book so much!!! I can make the paper but I know nothing about felting wool past washing it and drying it. This technique is much different…so different…I’m not even sure what it entails. This beautiful soul is having her art copied and scammed…so sad. It is sad, but to have my dream and then for this to be the first image I saw….it’s just another synchronicity. So many this week!

I have one more day of the real world to go before I get ready for the side gig. Last weekend I bought this…


She gave me a discount because I work there so that was exciting! This is much more interesting than your average fanny pack since they are back in style. My little SE fits in the small pocket with leaves tons of room in the big pocket.  I am planning to get a lot of use out of this! Part of my still wants a full garb outfit but the rational part of me isn’t willing to spend the money….Zia

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What Do I Really Do?

My brother sent me a text yesterday right around the end of the workday. He invited me to lunch today. It took me a couple of hours to respond, first because I am having a hard time focusing this week and second I had to make sure I wasn’t missing something that “had” to be done.

Wednesday is the day I get all of my Saturday and Sunday stuff done for now. I loaded up on meat at the farm last week so that is taken care of until this side gig is over. I don’t need to go to the bank and car payment is next Wednesday. A rep brought a lunch on Monday that I could actually eat so I am one day ahead on lunch. I can swing by the store and pick up lettuce on my way home tomorrow. I didn’t need to stop at Sam’s club this week. I do need wet cat food but I can grab that when I meet up with the girl who brings me art stock for the weekend since we meet in the same area as the store. There was nowhere I needed to be today.

I went to lunch with my brother and stopped at the library. It’s not my library of choice but it is the one closest to home and I didn’t feel like driving back out into all of that traffic. I stopped in the book store, the best feature of this library and found the book club book on sale for fifty cents. Fiction books are 50% off this month so I grabbed a few more. I think my total was $3.50? I wandered around in there for at least thirty minutes…maybe more. I took the long way home so I could swing by and grab some ice cream. I’m still excited that I found a local ice cream that I can eat. It’s safe plain chocolate but it’s still ice cream and that makes me happy. I grabbed some for the beagle as well.

I came home and let the beagle out when I noticed the neighbors were in the pool. Yes!!!! I thought I missed my last opportunity to visit the pool this season. I was able to catch up with them which was nice and it was very relaxing being in that water. I was only over there for thirty-forty minutes before storm clouds rolled in and I had to say good bye.  I was there long enough to get some neighborhood gossip though…. I know I have mentioned the bad neighbors in some capacity in the past. The most memorable was the party where he threw a girl off the front porch face first. I still think they are growing/ making drugs in the basement….that light is always on.  It turns out the he beat her up again and this time she filed charges. I thought it was strange when the Girl said that her studies were disturbed on Monday because of the noise the little girls next door were making. They are never outside for very long. It turns out that on that day the mom moved out. The little girls must have been outside while she and her help were moving their things out. I have never talked to any of them, it was clear that she wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone. If she was outside with the girls and I came outside to water plants or cut the grass, they went back inside. I hope this time she stays away for good! Now if only we could get rid of the jerk that’s left…such drama.

I came home and made my list which included a nap. I am extra tired this week. Maybe things are starting to catch up with me? I have breakfast and lunch down but I don’t always have the energy to make dinner…I do miss my food experiment time. Maybe it’s the full moon this week? Yesterday I had trouble logging into my work computer. Not my password…the generic one that gets me past the first screen. It’s been the same password forever and I couldn’t get it right yesterday. Every day when my alarm goes off I have to ask myself “what day is it?” and really think about it before I get up. I’m tired and I may be losing it???

Let’s hope it’s just the moon…..My point which really got lost in all of these words is…..how much stuff do I do that isn’t necessary? Before this side gig I felt like I was always running around because I was always running around. I don’t think that it is all necessary. Where’s the mind blown emoji when you need it?

I was also a little pissed off when I came home to a sink full of dishes. The Girl and I have had more than one heart to heart conversation about this subject. Maybe I need to start living like I live alone? Wash my dishes and leave theirs…cook my food and clean up after myself and leave them to fend for themselves? I can’t even have this discussion with her because she is at her dad’s once again. Twenty two years old and still sleeping over good old dads once a week….that would have never happened in my world. The boy is almost twenty four and he stays there too. I got married when I was twenty four and the minute I got a job at 16…that weekend at dad’s crap stopped. Sometimes I can’t relate to my kids. Whatever…I am refusing to do their dishes and may refuse to buy them the chemical laden food that they like to eat. I am only one person and if they don’t want to give dear old mom a hand…..they can fend for themselves….Zia


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Playing Catch Up

I did get quite a but done today, even though I left work late. I left at 5:30 and there were still three more patients to go. I stay late most of the time so I left tonight. I had to stop at the store and still made it home before six.

The Girl is doing homework in the living room at the coffee table. I asked her why she wasn’t working at the kitchen table and she said “because the TV is in here.” She has some weird elevator music playing on Youtube with anime in the background…hey, whatever works.

I was able to reconcile the money from the weekend and write out some bills. I made my eggs for the next two days since I have the good ones now. It makes such a difference in the flavor. I think SB was a little offended when I gave her two of the four dozen eggs that I purchase from the Amish farm she recommended.  I knew as soon as I cracked them open that they weren’t what they claimed to be. Once you go free range…you can never go back. If you buy free range eggs and the yolks aren’t orange? I would question the purchase. It’s not just the color, it’s the texture and the flavor too.

I would like to catch up on some writing as well….I feel like I should have more pages ready… I also missed Front Range Radio last night in all of the chaos of food prep and the kids coming home after being gone all week. I will have to catch the replay….once I remember where to find it. I hope your Monday went smoother than mine….Zia

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Oddly Fast

This weekend flew by…even the drive, both ways went fast. There were patches of dense fog on Saturday morning which added to the scariness of the bridge I don’t like, but I survived. It’s much easier to not have a car around me on Saturday morning than it is on Sunday night. I figured out what makes this bridge worse than the others….there is no shoulder. It’s like driving through road construction in those skinny lanes only really high up and over water. I am definitely better driving on the inside lane going both ways, it’s not quite as scary.

Saturday flew by, I can’t believe how fast it went. People didn’t want to leave so I didn’t shut the booth down until 6:43 and then sat in traffic for fifteen minutes or so. I was so happy to get to the hotel until I saw the room. This was the worst one yet!!!!  The stale cigarette smoke smell was overwhelming. At least this room had a window that opened and while it was on the second floor…this made me feel better…

I wiped down all the surfaces with clorox wipes and I never use those at home, plugged in my diffuser with Breathe oil, and tossed peppermint oil all over the room like it was holy water. The wifi still didn’t work so I called the number that pops up. The nice kid asked me if I was a resident or a guest. What????? People live there…it’s that kind of hotel??? No wonder it’s so gross.  I didn’t get any writing done once again.

I was irritated when I called the Girl because of the wifi and I was sitting on the bed and put my hand down. I immediately said “Omg that was so gross! This blanket feels like packing material.” The Girl said “So it’s a texture thing not a gross thing.” I turned the blanket over and found this….

Usually I find the pubic hair in the shower…I was so grossed out that I slept in a hoodie and yoga pants. The gross blanket and comforter were never near me. I was blessed with a cricket or two outside the window that graced me with cricket music. I did fall asleep pretty quick but I did wake up around three. I don’t practice self Reiki enough but I did last night and it did help. Thankfully I don’t have to stay there again next week. There will be a review once this is all over and I never have to go to this town again. People need to know…

Today was busy in spurts. So busy that this was my highest day of sales yet. I met some really great people this weekend. I had a great conversation with a woman who was buying a print for her daughter. Her husband had a shirt on that reminded me of a a documentary (and I use that term loosely) that the Girl and I watched called Hellier.  We talked about it and she put it in her phone. I know I will never see her again but it would be great if I could talk to her again after she watched it.

I met another woman a couple of weeks ago and she requested a print…which I did and had for her when she came in today. She was wearing this shirt…it’s not the greatest photo but it was more for me so I can research the dates.

The genealogy thing isn’t going away. One way or another it keeps coming up. I was thinking about Scotland and I know I mentioned that last weekend but did I mention the part about searching out Highland Festivals? If I did I can’t remember? I do know that I have thought about it more than once this past week. Then this woman walks in wearing this shirt… I have people that I am a DNA match with that neither of us have a clue how we are related who live in Tennessee. I know it’s on the McCullough/Gray side. I also know that this a Winter activity but that doesn’t make the itch go away.

It’s after 11pm already and I have to be at work by 7:45am so I am off. I hope all is well with you…I am not sure if I am coming or going…Zia

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I have been working really hard on trying not to react when triggered. Sometimes it feels easy peasy and other times not so much. For example last week when my car wouldn’t start and I put the windows down and said to the Girl “at least there’s a breeze.” Even she said “That’s it? At least there’s a breeze?” Yes that was it…what good would overreacting do at that point? Not like that hasn’t stopped me before…I know I tend to have these reactions.

Do you remember last year when my brother had me so hyped up about starting a website focusing on essential oils? I let myself get caught up in his excitement and went through the layers upon layers of different companies attached to that site. I made sure that nothing was on auto renewal or so I thought? When I received the charges on my credit card bill which were twice the amount of last year I immediately called the credit card company and disputed the charges. I thought this was all taken care of until I received a letter today. WTF was my knee jerk response and after about five minutes of being hot…pissed off hot…I called the company. The nice girl assured me that the charges will be reversed and that this will not happen again next year.

I must be making some progress because by the time I made the call I was calmer. I am not 100% convinced that it is resolved. Fingers crossed that I don’t have to continue to go round and round for charges on a website that isn’t even active. WordPress needs an emoji button so I can insert the “eye roll face”.

Today I had to deal with one of our more high maintenance patients. She wanted to order contacts and I was going over prices when I had to stop…wait for her to finish texting and start paying attention to me. When I finally had her attention she said “I’m sorry” which I know she wasn’t and my response was “that’s okay. This is the price for two boxes.” Normally her rudeness would have set me off but I really didn’t care today. It was so strange.

Now that Force of Nature Girl has taken over the statements I find myself walking out of the office more frequently than normal. There are too many incidents on this subject and I just can’t… It’s so bad that M unfriended her on Facebook and kicked her off her Netflix account. I would have never done the whole Netflix thing in the first place. I have mine set up where only one person can watch it at a time…I’m not about sharing those kinds of services. Brother, sister, parent…maybe? Coworker? Definitely not!

Yesterday I stopped at an Amish market under SB’s recommendation for cage free eggs. Stupid me bought four dozen and I will be bringing SB at least two of those dozen. Big K volunteered to go get me the good eggs on Saturday. I don’t believe those eggs are what they claim to be…I knew when I cracked the first egg and the color was dull that something was amiss. When I ate them for the first time this morning I was hugely disappointed. These eggs were almost as flavorless as store bought eggs. It sucks for me that the good eggs are only available Saturday from 9-4. Normally it’s not a problem but for three more weeks it will be. I am so grateful that Big K is doing an egg run for me. When you have a diet full of limited ingredients and you find something that works and tastes great…it’s worth the extra efort.

It’s been an exceptionally rough week…I have even started taking some vitamin C as a preventative precaution. My goal tonight is not to stress about writing my story and get in bed by ten.  On a good day I am in bed by 10:30 and that’s a rare one….I do not want to get run down….I am only half way there….Zia

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