Dream Weaver

Is it possible to have a dreaming problem?  I am starting to run out of song titles containing dream or dreams. I know I have mentioned my increase of dreams this past week and I think I might have the perfect example. Yesterday I had my alarm clock set to get up to go to PT’s for breakfast. My alarm was set for 8, I woke up and looked at my phone and it said 7:59 so I closed my eyes. I had a dream that felt twenty minutes long and it was only a minute.

Saturday night’s dreams were the roughest. I had dreams about Cockroach, yes plural. They weren’t nightmares and I wasn’t afraid but still….ick. I even had a dream about his mom. I remember saying to her “why are you talking to me like we are still friends?”  I think this part stems from the invitation to pregnant girl’s baby shower this weekend. The girl still needs to find someone to go with her and it’s at the freakin’ VFW. All of those people that I go out of my way to avoid will be there. Cockroach could potentially be there?! I feel like I am sending my daughter into the lion’s den. She wants to go so I won’t stop her but no way in hell will I be there. I still can’t get past the freakin’ VFW for a baby shower.

Last night I had the strangest dream of all….I dreamt of a unicorn on the edge of the woods surrounded by bright white light. This is a new one even for me. I don’t even know what to say about it. The image has stuck with me all day.img_5436

Now I’m home typing away because it’s the girl’s night to cook dinner. She has only pulled me away once while saying “I need guidance, guide me!” She is making a chicken stir fry, I did cook the chicken for her so she wouldn’t worry about poisoning us. I’m tired of doing it all by myself and I’m hoping this will help some. It’s only one day a week and she will learn to not starve. Hopefully it’s a happy experiment….Zia

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180

Yesterday was a really weird day. There was so much tension all week and while one or two of the people in the back held on to it, the rest of us were basking in the day. Patients were canceling, everything was flowing better than usual and we even left twenty minutes early. It was a very odd day and seems misplaced in this dreadful week.  Me….I’ll take it!

It was crazy nice outside on Friday and I think we may have broken a record for the warmth but I’m not sure.  It was windy but I didn’t care and Force of Nature Girl and I sat outside and ate lunch. I saw at least four hawks while we were out there and one sat and watched us for a while. This isn’t the best picture but I didn’t want to scare him off by trying to get closer.fullsizerender160

While Force of Nature Girl was looking he pooped and I can’t believe how excited she was to see that? Seriously she told people all day, it was a little odd. Once he flew away I decided to try and work with the wind instead of against it, although I was pretty sure my hair was done for the day. I was right. The last twenty minutes or so I sat facing the sun. I was very surprised to see how red I was (I don’t usually get red) and that I had a tan line from my ruby zoisite. How crazy is that for Ohio in February? It’s faint but it’s there…..fullsizerender161

I was hoping that since we left work a little early that I could enjoy more of the sun. It didn’t work out that way. I came home and the girl was asleep and by the time I got her moving it was cloudy and it was starting to get dark. There will be more nice days, today was not one of them. Today was cold with snow flurries, talk about drastic change.  I am worried about the trees. Some leaves are so close to opening, I hope the cold doesn’t hurt them.

I discovered a new yoga class last night and woke up early today to check it out. Yes, 9am on a Saturday is early for me. It was only $5.00 so I had to check it out. I have fallen out of practice and this is the perfect thing to get me back in and $5.00 is the perfect price. She was a very sweet lady and it was a very gentle class, still….I felt taller when I left. I will be back for sure.

On my way to the class I  was driving down the road when I noticed a robin was flying alongside me. “how cool is this?” I thought to myself.” A robin is a sign of new beginnings and here I am off to a new class and oh look….there are two. Wait no!” I said as I slammed on the brake. I really thought I hit the one but I drove through there twice so I must have missed it. Why do they do that every Spring?  It gives me heart palpitations.

The other thing that I forgot to mention was the deal I scored this week. The girl and I were in Giant Eagle and we were checking out the clearance carts and she was asking me if she could get a cutesy bottle of bubble bath. I said “sure” as a woman pushed another shopping cart to add to the clearance. I just looked at her and said “is this for real?” she said “yes we aren’t carrying this product anymore.” I couldn’t believe my luck! The only thing that would have made this deal sweeter was if the had the Anise-Lavender scent which is my favorite. These Indigo Wild Zum bar soaps are crazy expensive.img_5416

They were in the cart for $3.00!!!! Three pounds of handcrafted goats milk soap for $3.00. None of the scents were marked but that was okay, we sniffed our way through it.Part of me wanted to go crazy but how much soap do you need?  I bought four. I picked one and the girl picked one for our use and I picked one for KB and her daughter and the girl picked one for her friend with sensitive skin who takes her to school when pregnant girl doesn’t (that whole situation isn’t settled yet)fullsizerender159

I had the fancy cutter so all of the soap is sliced and in bags waiting to be used. We lucked out on the scents, talk about being in the right place at the right time. It’s the little things that keep me going.

Work tonight was slow to start but we picked up nicely. My last table was a sweet older couple who I bonded with almost immediately. She is a Saturday soup girl and I am a Sunday soup girl. Her husband is her vegetable chopper and later in the meal we bonded over hockey.  The cook teased me “look at you…you made new friends.”  If the situation was different…for example, if I sat at the same table with them at a wedding we would be Facebook friends and have exchanged recipes and maybe even phone numbers. They were good people and I don’t make connections like that everyday. She did introduce herself and her husband and shake my hand while telling me how much she enjoyed the meal and the conversation. It was the best part of my day…….Zia

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Challenging

Challenging is the nice way to say that this week was not a fun one. Monday set the stage for the week and the drama that followed was ugly. In a doctor’s office is it always the front versus the back?  We didn’t leave work until 6:45 Monday night. The techs in the back are blaming the girls in the front and the girls in the front want to know why the 12:45 patient checked out at 3? That was the first patient after lunch? I don’t get it and I don’t care to. Force of Nature girl and one of the scribes that follows the main doctor started going back and forth about it at lunch. I stopped eating and added an extra ten minutes to my nap. The heck I am listening to that.

We are short handed again, the woman in optical brought round three of sickness. She also brought round one and two. Knock on wood….I have managed to escape round three thus far.  The days do go much faster when we are short…

Tuesday was uneventful, mostly because I was still exhausted from Monday.  Oh…I forgot to mention how I tortured the girl Sunday afternoon. I drove out and picked her up from her friends house. I text her ahead of time but she wasn’t paying attention. When the mother opened the door she kept nervously picking things up. I don’t care about what your house looks like….my kids are just now getting to the point where things stay clean for almost two whole days after I clean it.  I felt bad that she was uncomfortable.

It was a beautiful day Sunday, it was still a little chilly but the sun was shining and that made up for it. The girl through a little fit and begrudgingly walked the labyrinth but she did it. I told her it was the only sunshine and fresh air she was going to get that day and to suck it up.img_5406

It was my most peaceful moment this week.  For those twenty minutes I had no where to be and nothing to do and it was perfect. Well…as perfect as it could be with mopey girl walking behind me.

I did get the stuffed pepper soup made for Force of Nature Girl. The girl and I had some and I saved a small container for two others and gave the rest to her. She was supposed to take it home but instead she left it at work so she wouldn’t have to share with her family. It’s not that hard of a soup to make. I never had anyone hoard my soup before.img_5408

Wednesday morning I drove the girl to meet her ride. It was getting close to the time when I needed to leave so I asked the girl to text pregnant girl. Pregnant girl had court and wasn’t going to school. Now….if I hadn’t asked the girl Tuesday night to text her friend it would be a different story. I did and she didn’t. I had to call and say that I was going to be late as I drove the girl to school trying to not lose it on her. Trust me, she knew I was holding back.  This brought back both permits that my child let expire without getting her license. Rage I tell you! The girl is perfect most of the time but when she makes me mad…it’s really mad.

It was half day Wednesday so I picked her up so she could take her permit test again. Guess what? It was two days past the time she could use her expired permit to take the test. She needs her birth certificate and social security card…..two days. I’m still pretty upset but I’m not sure how much is peri menopausal pms and how much is frustration with my kid?

I also went downtown to the jail to pick up my renewed conceal and carry license and my last name is spelled wrong….really? I didn’t have a spare second to call today but I am fairly certain that I will have to drive back down there.

I don’t want to sound like a Debbie Downer and I think that is why I haven’t been able to bring myself to blog this week….it’s been horrible!

Last night was okay, KB and her daughter came over for dinner. It was fun and good for them to get out of the house and to eat something other than take out. It was late by the time I cleaned up and I haven’t been sleeping very well this week.

Has anyone else been dreaming crazy? I almost always remember my dreams and that has not been the case this week. For example last night I had a continuing dream…I would wake up suddenly only to fall back asleep and pick up my dream where I left off. I can’t remember anything except….there was a black crocheted lacy type sleeveless shirt that was all flowy on the bottom and it was mine, only it was hanging so high that I couldn’t reach it. I said “how did I get that up there and now how do I get it down?” That’s all I remember and even today at lunch during my nap I woke up a few times from the dreaming. I am exhausted and am hopeful that tonight I will sleep soundly…Zia

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Distracted

My mind has been all over the place the last couple of days. I guess that’s what happens when you have a lot on your mind.

I’m still looking for a place and no such luck on that front. I had my heart set on living across the street from KB but the realtor had some valid points. I would rent it in a heart beat but I can’t make the commitment to buy it down the road.

Speaking of KB….the girl had a birthday party to go to on Friday night at a local restaurant. I text KB and asked her if she wanted to meet me, I feel like I have been neglecting her. It’s hard sometimes which is why across the street was so appealing. I also asked one of the girls friend’s mom to join us. It was crazy for her to drive all the way home just to turn around and come back. During our conversation it comes up that this woman went to grade school with KB’s late husband! What are the odds of that?

I took the girl home and KB picked me up and I went with her while she ran some errands. I was a little nervous in Best Buy because that was one of the last places she went with her husband on the day he passed, she was okay. She is stronger than she thinks she is. We went to Ulta next because I needed lip liner. Mental note….do not take KB into Ulta. I remember this stage of grieving when your heart is still broken, your are uncertain about the future, and your worried you won’t have enough.  She bought me the most amazing smelling shampoo…I would never have spent that kind of money on shampoo and there was no reasoning with her. Which is why my hair smells great today.img_5399

Last night was really weird without the girl here. She had another birthday party yesterday and it was a sleepover.  I still have to go get her, and get to KB’s to dry some towels, and do some meal planning and go to the grocery store. I really need to work on my time management skills….I am doing a bad job of it these days.  Oh and make soup. Force of Nature Girl requested stuffed pepper soup, I forgot about that.

People roll their eyes when I go off on a tangent about produce from Mexico and how they need to pay attention in the store. Here is the perfect example. I walked up to these peppers and was excited to see Product of USA on the sign. It’s hard to find USA peppers this time of year. I need to be better with the food prep this summer. fullsizerender157

Because I never believe the signage, I picked up a pepper. The whole top layer was covered with peppers from Mexico.fullsizerender156

Thinking that I had no choice at this point…they are the main ingredient in the soup, I started  picking through them. Underneath all of theses peppers were a few peppers from the USA.fullsizerender155

The USDA can slap a sticker on anything they want to so I hope this sticker is accurate. Somebody please remind me of this in the summer when local produce is abundant, I promise to freeze more this year.

I had some wild dreams last night. I had another darkness dream which always freaks me out. I had that dream of walking down that path with water on both sides again. Only this time there were lights in the water, I could see land, and it was snowing. I have no idea what this dream means. I had another dream that involved grass and the boy mowing it. I have dreamed about this yard before as well. Weird, just weird.

When I woke up from the darkness dream it took me a little bit to fall back asleep. I started thinking about a post I saw on Facebook. A woman that I babysat a million years ago posted about a previous abusive relationship, photos were included. It’s hard to see and even harder when you held this person as a baby.  I am still in the purge mode but now I think I am going to start a collection to take to the woman’s shelter. Normally I want to drop it off as soon as possible and that is the only reason I donate to Goodwill….convenience. This year I will make the effort to meet their representative at her place of choice to drop off clothes. The year I did this at my girls night out party I gathered lots of nice things. I am hoping to do the same this time…..Ziaimg_5403

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Are You Sure it’s Not Friday?

Today sure does feel like Friday…..the girl doesn’t have school tomorrow and has friends sleeping over. I had a session of access bars tonight at my future mentor’s home and we talked for a good hour and a half after. Now I am making ham and cheesy potato casserole times two because we are having a pot luck for the second surgery day this week. I can tell you now….it will be extra difficult to get up in the morning.

My Reiki guru had a trunk full of books and cards headed to Goodwill and she let me go through them first. I brought these home….img_5397

Some may stay and some may end up in Goodwill anyway but these are the ones I thought looked interesting.

Yesterday I was getting ready for work when I heard something and froze in my tracks. I turned off the television and opened a window and listened harder. Two seconds after I opened the window the cat busted into the bathroom and was laying in the window, how did he know?  Then I heard it again….the coo of the mourning dove. The fat lady of Winter has sung….My grandmother from the farm always said “it’s not spring until the rain crow coos.” Every year that moment will belong to her as long as I’m alive.

Mourning Dove, Cabin Lake Viewing Blinds, Deschutes National Forest, Near Fort Rock, Oregon

Mourning Dove, Cabin Lake Viewing Blinds, Deschutes National Forest, Near Fort Rock, Oregon

I also received news that there are new babies on the way….yep plural. This cousin is a book geek like me and I am almost positive the nursery will be a Harry Potter theme.  I told Negative Nancy my plan and she had a cage for me. I just need to clean it up, paint it and put a stuffed owl in it and it will be adorable.img_5394

I had a hair appointment yesterday and am gray free today. The girl who does my hair was running behind and while I tried to talk myself down and be understanding….it was hard. When you work six days a week you value your time.  I ended up inviting her over for a late dinner. It was partly catching up, partly the new babies, and partly getting the girl to meet her four year old son. The girl won’t get a job…..I will bring a job to her. They didn’t leave until 10:30 last night. The girl said “the four year old who should be in bed wants to go, go, and all I could think about was my warm and toasty bed.” This should be interesting. It could work and there is no driving involved, I still can’t believe she isn’t driving yet.

That’s it for me tonight. I still have to shower, make one more casserole and the girls want rice crispy treats…….Zia

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Unscathed

Whew! I survived another one. Honestly I should just schedule vacation days on Valentine’s Day, I have such anxiety.  I couldn’t wait to get home and lock the door from the rest of the world. I am not going to bore you with the curse story again but if you are new or have forgotten, it’s right here.    https://onceuponthewingsofadragonfly.wordpress.com/2013/02/14/happy-heart-day/

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I did make cupcakes to take to work. They aren’t fancy but they were tasty. Fresh blueberries in a lemon cake mix was my concoction.fullsizerender154

I also had a lavender cake mix that was gluten free, vegan, and disgusting. I threw most of that in the trash. I did learn something when I was making these last night….I didn’t have any powdered sugar for the icing. I read somewhere that you could make powdered sugar from regular sugar? I wasn’t sure about it but I knew I wasn’t going back out so I gave it a whirl. I took my magic bullet and put a cup of regular sugar in it and holy moly….it worked!

I talked to the woman who offered to mentor me tonight. She has a Holy Fire Reiki course that I am interested in and because I have taken the regular Reiki course it will be half price. I was happy about that and it will be one on one so I am extra excited about that.  I want to set up an access bars session but I’m not sure what the girl is doing this week.

There is no school on Friday or Monday and there will be girls sleeping over Thursday, maybe Friday and to another girl’s house on Saturday. They are old enough to take care of themselves but still….I would rather be here.  The girl’s normal ride (pregnant girl) hasn’t been to school since last Thursday and her friend that lives close to us has been taking her. It has been a nice change of pace for me since pregnant girl isn’t always timely. The girl chooses to ride with her stating “she doesn’t like driving alone mom.” So I leave the house early to sit and wait for pregnant girl to show up at “never the same time” and sometimes fly to get to work on time.  The things we so for our kids……Zia

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I Missed It!

img_5379All weekend long I was looking forward to the sound bath tonight. I took a quick half hour nap and everything because I was worried about falling asleep. Last time I was aware of everything and everyone around me, this time I remember the first twenty minutes or so and the last fifteen. That means I lost almost an hour. I must have fallen asleep? Normally when I fall asleep I am aware when I wake up, oh boy….I hope I’m not losing time now.

I had a few throat chakra moments which is not new but I did have a hip issue and that is new. I think it might be more Sacral than Root but I am not sure because I am not an expert at these things, I just notice when it is off. The teacher said it didn’t matter if you were awake or asleep, the effect was the same.  I really struggled at the end, my hip was bothering me and I couldn’t get comfortable. I didn’t move a muscle the whole time at the first sound bath, this time was different. It is supposed to be different every time but for me, I prefer to remember it. It’s still an amazing experience that I highly recommend…..Zia

 

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The Weight of Heavy

Yesterday was a very bad closet day. I think I might have even worn the same thing last night that I did to book club last month. Sadly even that was uncomfortable. Normally with the LuLaRoe stuff I’m all soft and comfy….last night I felt like I was wearing a tent. I can’t keep doing this….

You guys know that I only bought 4 pieces of new clothing last year, unless you count LuLaRoe then it would be 8…..2 of those were free so I guess it’s really 6. The point of that? I wasn’t going to buy any new clothes until I lost weight. I didn’t lose the weight, I didn’t gain any new weight but I didn’t lose the twenty pounds that need to go. If you look on any chart it will tell you that 154lbs on a 5ft 4 1/2 frame is borderline obese. Thanks for that….I already feel bad about it.

I need…not want, but need a black tunic. I have been looking for a while and I can’t find one that looks right. I had to use a salt cave gift certificate today or lose it, so I used it. It was a relaxing forty five minutes and I now I breathe a little deeper. There is a boutique out that way so I took a chance and stopped. Two of the pieces of clothing from last year were from this store. They were having a 75% off sale…talk about luck.

While I was in there trying stuff on, I had a conversation with a sweet lady. She brought champagne to the store since it was her birthday. I have never shopped while drinking champagne before. This woman had great skin for turning 64 but I wasn’t surprised at her age. Ominous L is the same age and looks so much younger. (L gave me the “don’t be me” speech a couple of New Year’s Eves ago) You could tell by the way this woman was dressed that she had money….in case the champagne didn’t give it away. She dressed loudly though, and although it did match her personality, it was still loud.

I was trying on an outfit when she walked by and said “I though you said you were struggling with your weight?” “I am”  “There is nothing wrong with your weight.” “That’s just because you don’t know me, I used to be a size 4 and these pants here are a 10.” “you have to let that go honey, you can’t go back. All you can do is dress yourself, accessorize, put on your makeup, do your hair and work with what you have.” I instantly was reminded of a card that I keep pulling from the moon deck.img_5370

This card reaffirms my purge impulses but now I think I may have been looking at it the wrong way. Sometime this week I am really going to go through my closet and let go of things. I have too many things that will look great if I only lose 10lbs, or 20lbs but make me feel like Shamu right now. I can’t do it anymore, I won’t.  Don’t worry….I’m not going to go buy a whole new wardrobe at once but I am going to be more picky. This is the outfit that I bought today at 75% off, each piece was $20.00.img_5367

I haven’t purchased anything brown in along time. Cockroach and his mother used to tease me whenever I wore anything brown so I stopped wearing it. I like brown and no longer care what they think so I bought it. I also bought this shirt….it’s not a tunic but it fit nicely.img_5368img_5369

I liked the lace detail on this one. It was only 50% off which made it $30.00 but I bought it anyway. I put it on a credit card. Talk about giving yourself anxiety. I didn’t like the way that felt one bit. The balance is very low or was until I came home and took the statement out of the mailbox. Amazon really should let you know before they renew your Prime membership. I don’t feel comfortable with that balance and will more than likely take $100.00 out of my savings to make that go away…….Zia

 

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Over the Hill

If you ever needed evidence that I am officially old, tonight is the night. The girl and I left book club about 8:45 and we headed straight to my cousin’s birthday party. It’s just a tiny bar, not a lot of room and it was packed. People talking over other people, it was so loud and sticky….the bar was sticky. I did a shot of apple Crown with the biscotti lady and that was enough for me. We didn’t even last thirty minutes. I hugged one of my cousins good bye and he was calling me grandma because I was leaving. As he was hugging me he put his head on my shoulder and said “I want to go home so bad, I’m old too.”

I have a headache and my throat hurts from trying to talk in all of that noise. I am officially old. I am now home where it is quiet and I am in my pajamas….all is right with the world.

Book club was fun and the conversation was lively. My little buddy came for the first time tonight. We are growing again which means that I need to keep better records so I know who gets to pick the next book.

I was disappointed that it was cloudy tonight, I was hoping to see some of the lunar eclipse. We couldn’t see any of it. I almost feel cheated….it was a very rough day at work and I know part of it was because of that moon. It was supposed to start 7:44 my time…..I don’t know why I make such a big deal about it. Maybe because it doesn’t happen very often?

Today is Friday and that is working in my favor. My weekend is busier than I like it to be, that happens sometimes…..Zia

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Calling Spirit

I think in little ways over the past decade or so I have been working on ways to call my spirit back to me. The deeper I go the more I feel like all I have to do is remember. I’m not sure what it is that I need to remember, I only know that I need to remember something.  I don’t feel lost, blocked maybe, but not lost.

The Reiki has helped tremendously and I feel like I have grown in leaps and bounds since taking that step. I am actively continuing working on further growth in that area. Tonight I stepped a little out of my comfort zone and went to an introduction to Shamanism lecture. I found it interesting and decided that I need to explore it a little more. Before I left I signed up for a more intensive workshop next month. I really liked the woman who was giving the lecture and if my hair would look like that….I would stop coloring it tomorrow.

Towards the end there was a drumming session. The goal was to journey into the underworld to find your power animal. That didn’t work for me, maybe because I know my totems? Maybe it will come to me in my dreams like so much has lately? Let me tell you….it didn’t much matter to me because I enjoyed every single minute of those drums.img_5362

Yesterday I did really well at Goodwill…..I haven’t been there in a while.fullsizerender153

The print is of an old tapestry and I can’t remember the name of it. The unicorn stands out but there are many other symbolic animals in the image. I thought it was a steal at $4.99. They had six of them but I don’t have the space or the money to spend on something so frivolous so I picked my favorite one. There’s a fairy project that I want to try with the mannequin and that super sharp coat was $1.99. It was in mint condition but the size was 18W and that wouldn’t fit me. Luckily it fit Force of Nature Girl perfectly. I couldn’t pass it up…..fullsizerender152

The kids and I went to look at that house yesterday. I’m still blown away by the realtor. She basically told me that I didn’t want to live there. I should look way out that way, towards the rural area. The house next door was in limbo so who knows who could move in and while the area was okay right now, it could change at any moment. She then said that she knew that the owners would never rent because they weren’t in a situation to do so. I happen to know that KB talked to them a few days before and they were. I was crushed. I know that the realtor was right about everything but the renting part so that in retrospect was a good thing. I really wanted to live across the street from KB for a while. I think we both could have benefited from it.

The boy had a chance to do his part in helping the family out in their time of crisis…..He carried KB’s husband from the car to the house. Whatever vessel she picked for him was pretty heavy and the boy was a trooper about it.

So now we are back to looking for a place. I really don’t want to stay here. The sad part is…..all of the houses that I like with the built ins and the unique/ornate moldings are all on the crappy side of town. I am just looking for a little bit of charm, a lot of whimsy in a safe neighborhood. That’s a tall order in this town.

Once again I am disgusted with the county engineer’s office. It stopped snowing at 1/1:30am and there was no excuse for the condition of the roads this morning. The big route was clear as a bell because it is maintained by the state. It really is a sin. Everyone that drove from the south today said “we were good until we hit NL” That was the town South of the old house.  I get so upset and then I remember that the girl picked the local university and now I’m stuck every Winter in the same cycle of disgust until she graduates. Ugh!

I am off to shower and finish the book club book.  I only have thirty pages to go but I am in charge of the questions. Tomorrow night will be a long one and hopefully a good one…..Zia

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