My Sad Little Peeps

I don’t even know where to begin… has been an emotional couple of days.  There are less and less people at KB’s everyday. I know she needs to ease into it but I am worried about her. Last night there were five of us for a while and ended with three of us before I left. The girl sent me this text….fullsizerender146

I was close to leaving anyway and came home and made a quick dinner. I really need to have some freezer meals in place for this exact reason.

Then I learned that my little buddy and her family took her mother off of life support yesterday. She’s a tough old Italian lady and is still holding on today. It won’t be long though, she is old and the cancer came back. I’m not quite sure how I am going to be there for both of them. Maybe I will get lucky and there won’t be any overlapping crisis.

Today KB had the mass and the calling hours. It was a little backwards but she wanted it done in one day. It was heart wrenching to witness, even the girl was crying and she never met the deceased. I think maybe she was putting herself in KB’s daughter’s shoes. I’m glad that she has empathy, not everyone does.

We left and ran to TJ Maxx before book club. Last night in the middle of the night I had “holiday heart”. That same little voice that said “it’s time” when I quit smoking said “lay off the wine” to me last night.  Did I mention it was a rough week? So the girl and I are experimenting with teas and these are the ones we picked.fullsizerender145

We are going to give it our best shot. I only have one of those stainless steel tea balls and it’s in her cup of Earl grey right now. I want to try the cinnamon sage one first, it smells pretty darn good.

Book club was a lot of fun and we had a pretty good discussion even though not one of us liked the book. We talked and laughed so much that I felt guilty when I got in my car to leave. One of my oldest friends just said good bye to her husband and how could I leave the calling hours and not think about it at all for that hour and a half. Maybe I needed to forget for a while? Mostly I just want to crawl into bed and sleep……Zia

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Uber Relaxed

I did not go to my friend’s house today….I couldn’t work up the energy. I really need to work on protecting myself and not absorbing so much from others. There was a smaller group there last night and I think it made it a little harder.  Here is an example…I am on the couch with KB. When I feel her starting to get emotional, I take my hand and rub her arm. Her little boys sees this and walks across the room and hugs his mother… heart breaks. I was so drained last night so today I took a break and of course I feel guilty about it….

I stopped at Goodwill today and it has been months since I have been there. I found this very interesting pitcher and immediately snatched it up.img_5269

I took my silver polishing cloth to the top and it seems to be working….it will take forever, but it has potential.fullsizerender143Not bad for $2.29. It was my deal of the day. I also have a new obsession…..


After eating my own pumpkin seeds for most of November I found that I couldn’t go back to the store bought. They were just too salty so I needed an alternative.  Somebody gave me Skinny Pop to try and while it was non gmo and yummy, it was ridiculously expensive. I found this bag of kernels for $2.69, I put olive oil in a pan with Himalayan sea salt and I make my own. Much cheaper and I know exactly what’s in it. I hope it really is non gmo…..I have no way to check that for sure.

I still went and had my massage today even though KB had to cancel and holy cow was it amazing. I have never had a massage before. I have never been naked in a public place that wasn’t a doctors office before either. Well almost naked…panties only. It took some courage but I did it and wow…just wow. I had an hour massage followed by fifteen minutes of Reiki and it was unbelievable. I have never been more relaxed in my life.

When she was doing the Reiki she asked me “do you like birds?” Tropical birds?” I answered with “I like birds, I’m partial to birds of prey especially the red tailed hawk and eagle.” She said “sometimes I see wings and yours are iridescent blue and green.” I waited  until after the Reiki treatment was finished and I propped my chin on my hand and asked “iridescent like a dragonfly? Dragonfly is one of my totems.” She shook her head no. “They are big and fancy and there is gunmetal mixed in, almost galactic.” I can’t really picture that but it’s a nice thought.  I like wings….maybe they are there and maybe not? To be honest I was too relaxed to care about anything. When I came downstairs the one of the owners said “you looked wasted.” I guess that’s what uber relaxed looks like on me.

I am pretty done for the evening. I will probably go to bed right after my shower…hopefully I will sleep hard, with no dreams. I have had a few doozies lately but that is a story for another day……Zia

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Being There…..

There was nothing I could do for my friend today except be there for her. Let me tell you….it was not easy. Watching someone you care about suffer, never is.

I am happy to report that she had a house full of family and friends, which made it easier for her.  She was worried about what would happen after everyone left.

Her little boy is facing things head on and wants to go to school tomorrow. Her daughter is avoiding it all. She was laying in bed when I got there…like that was going to stop me. I crawled into bed and hugged her, she hugged me back…it’s that whole weird recognizes weird thing. Later she left to go to the movies with her friends. She will ignore what is happening around her until she can’t and then oh boy….that will be ugly.  KB is doing the best that she can and is holding it together fairly well.

The last half hour or so it was just us girls, there were five of us snuggled under blankets talking. That was the best we could do for normalcy.  I stayed for almost two hours and left because I knew I would have to cook dinner. Sometimes I think the girl could be a little more self sufficient…..some of that has to be my fault I’m sure.

I haven’t seen KB’s mom in years. She must have hugged me and kissed me at least ten times. She is such a beautiful soul, it was very hard to be nice to KB’s father knowing what I know now. I said to KB’s mom “maybe you should move in here for a while.” she said “don’t be putting ideas in my head.” I said “look around, life is short. That is exactly what I am doing and you deserve the best.” Maybe it’s wrong of me to meddle and frankly I don’t care. That woman doesn’t have a mean bone in her body and she deserves way better.

All of the plans will be finalized tomorrow. I already told the girl that she will be stuck going to book club Friday night. There won’t be enough time to take her back home. She needs to be at the calling hours and that is the way the cookie crumbles…..Zia

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Remember What I Said?

You know how I have been on this life is short kick?  Tonight I sat down to blog….about nothing. What happened today? Nothing.  I went to PT’s for breakfast, met my little brother before he went back to Arizona, ran some errands, made some soup, and watched some Game of Thrones. Oh and the girl’s friend finally went home.

Honestly…I don’t even remember what I was going to say.  My other brother sent me a text “KB lost her husband?” I immediately picked up the phone and called her. I haven’t been on Facebook all day. She is on complete autopilot. I remember that from when mom died. We had massages scheduled for Wednesday, I’ll need to cancel those. What do you say?There is nothing that you can say.  She wants me to come over. Not tonight… but tomorrow after work for sure. Her oldest is in eighth grade, her youngest is in fourth or fifth. This is going to be an emotional roller coaster for sure.

Last time she was over….a few weeks ago, she was telling me how all of a sudden he was on a health kick. He was diabetic and never really paid that much attention to it. She was really proud of how well he was doing. She has no idea what happened last night and has to wait for the autopsy report.  She said he got up to pee in the middle of the night, she heard him peeing followed by a loud crash. He never regained consciousness…..he was 43.

And to think…..the biggest thing on my schedule tomorrow other than work was to watch the last episode of Game of Thrones season 6…..Zia

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Germ Party

Germ party….sounds a little better than snot fest 2017. The boy was sick, the girl is sick, and the girl’s friends are sick. The boy slept for two days and I think is on the upswing. The girl and her friends are camped out in my living room with pillows,blankets, and movies. There is a central box of tissues and a bag to put the snotty ones in. Doesn’t my life sound so glamorous? One of the friends had to go to work and I am not sure if she is coming back tonight. Just think of all of the people she will contaminate while working at her fast food job….this is why our whole area is being hit so hard with this cold/ flu whatever the heck you want to call it.

This morning they watched Silver Bullet followed by the original Fright Night. I think it’s funny that they are watching the same movies I watched in high school. I had to leave them to go to work at my waitress job. Every week it is getting harder and harder to make myself go. Once I get there I am fine and I am almost always the first one out….I am just not feeling it anymore. I thought about talking to my cousin’s wife who just picked up a few days at a local bar but once I thought about it for half a second I realized it would be bad. I don’t want to work at a bar, even though the money would be better. I like getting home by eight or nine, I don’t want to work until 2:30 in the morning. I like wearing a uniform…well not really but at this time in my life it’s what I want. I did really well last year and only bought four pieces of new clothing. If I remember correctly? The outfit for the 4th of July party, the blue flowy shirt that hides everything and the long black vest. Three of the four can still be worn after I lose weight.

Oh wait….the LuLaRoe shirt and leggings and I have been wearing the heck out of those. I have worn leggings in public….three times so far. It wasn’t so bad…mostly because my legs are still skinny. They are super soft…..I can’t stop touching them.  It took me a long time to jump on this bandwagon but I did it and I’m hooked.

Now I’m just doing laundry and making my list for tomorrow. I will be putting a chicken in the crock pot tonight so I can make some soup for these sniffling girls tomorrow.  They don’t seem to have any issues with eating, so I keep feeding them……Zia

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Tag Team Thursday

People are dropping like flies…..I must have canceled at least ten patients for tomorrow. If the patient wasn’t sick, then it was the facility that housed the patient and their workers are sick.  In our office it was Force of Nature Girl that was out today. Negative Nancy hurt her knee and is on crutches and took our crude girl to help so that left me and M. It wasn’t so bad. We had to cut our lunch short but I still got a ten minute nap in so it all worked out.

The girl (my kid) who mocked my illness as “just a head cold” is a sniffling mess. I had her do an herbal steam. She refused the Rosemary and insisted on Eucalyptus so I guess we will see how it works for her. She has to go to school tomorrow if she wants friends to come over. I personally warned the friends of the illness but I’m a mom and I know nothing…..we will see about that.

My brother is now a free man. He came in from out of town for his divorce hearing today. I guess he came with my dad and his wife and she came with her crazy ass mother. This is a divorce? When I went to court, I loaded my kids in the car, drove an hour and a half to the town we were living in, left my kids with the only friend I made in the brief time we were there and met my ex at the court house.  When it was done I caught up with my friend, thanked her and put my kids in the car and drove home. Who brings parents to their divorce? Oh well, it’s over…my brother is free from my cheating skank sister in law who took back her maiden name. Thank goodness! She doesn’t deserve our last name. Maybe now he can move on?

The girl and I watched two more Game of Thrones tonight….it was the Hodor episode. WHY????? He was such an innocent soul. I knew it was coming because the girl tells all but it was still sad to watch.  We finished five episodes so far, we should finish it all this weekend and then it will be a long wait until June. That’s when I plan on using our “one month free trial subscription to HBO Go.” It’s the end so why not? We don’t watch anything else on HBO. We had to wait a while (months) to get it from the library but it was free.

Have you heard of Thred Up? When I was in my semi sleep coma Monday I was laying in bed scrolling through Pinterest when I came across it. I sent away for my bag. The bag was $9.99 and the credit for signing p was $10.00 so I figure it was a wash if it didn’t work. I was doing fairly well on the purging front before I got sick and maybe I can make a little back? Next stop is all of the jewelry that I don’t wear. I think I will put that on eBay. I am surprised at how much I have considering the Cockroach stole more than half of what I have left….bastard. It’s mostly the gemstones that I have set in sterling silver. Let’s be real….ever since I had the dream that said “put this pendant back on…I don’t change it out.” There is the question on what it is though…it was sold to me as Zoisite, I always thought it had more Ruby in it, and a geologist professor declared it Garnet….so who knows? All I know is that if I have a dream and it tells me to wear the stone…..I’m wearing the stone.FullSizeRender(61)

I was slightly distracted from my “purge” because of the flu but I am better now. I am patiently waiting for my Thred up bag and then I will slowly start putting stuff up on eBay. What is the point of holding on to useless “things”. The tricky part for me is that I always come across a project that cleverly uses something that I let go of six months ago…that’s always a kick in the pants…..Zia

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Lucky Wednesday

I felt much better today. My poor office manager who did not stay home two days like I did is still suffering. We definitely have the same bug. Lucky for me my first day back was half day Wednesday.

I had to get my grays covered so even if I wasn’t feeling better, I was going to work. One of my very strict rules in this house is….if you don’t go to work or school then you don’t go anywhere but the doctors. I missed the Reiki share last night, I couldn’t miss my hair appointment too.

I was able to make an access bars appointment today, I always feel better afterwards. I was floored when the girl offered to be my mentor. She knows that I have been struggling since the Reiki 2 attunement and that I don’t feel a connection with my teacher. She wants to help….where’s the heart emoji when you need it? It’s not everyday that someone invites you to their house around their small children to help you. I feel extra special at the moment.  I will take her up on it, I would be crazy not to…..

It is finally our turn for the Game of Thrones season 6, I got the email from the library yesterday.  Seven days to watch ten episodes…..tonight we watched three, I think we will make it….Zia

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Sleep….My Wonder Drug

Well….I survived the flu. It was not the stomach flu, but the flu flu. Does that make sense? I am lucky that it was a mild case of it since I heard on the news that the hospitals were flooded with flu cases.

It started Sunday late afternoon. I had every intention to blog Sunday night but I was too disgusted at the display of hate at the Golden Globes. When Viola Davis walked out in her yellow dress that only she could have pulled off and gave that heart warming tribute to Meryl Streep, even  I was misty eyed. I was appalled that Streep barely acknowledged Davis, grabbed the award and spewed Donald Trump hate for a minute and a half. I think that Viola Davis deserves an apology….what a slap in the face. As for Streep… are an entertainer. You make an obscene amount of money to entertain people. No one cares about your political views. Suck it up people! Idiot 1 beat idiot 2 and guess what? It’s over…move on. Am I the only one who thinks that Viola Davis was wronged?

I was only watching to support Caitriona Balf in hopes that her performance as Claire from Outlander would win. Sadly she did not win. I will never watch the Golden Globes after this debacle. If I want to see a part of it then I will go to Youtube. I haven’t left the house since my waitress job Saturday night….I just had to say that to someone.

I have pretty much been in a sleep coma the past two days. My fever broke this afternoon and I have been out of bed since around five. I did make an herbal facial steal with some Rosemary essential oil and it seemed to help clear my nose some. My nose is in a sad state of affairs right now, all red and chafed….. I just remembered that I have Tobradex, I will try that asap!img_5246

I also used the trivet that my aunt gave me for Christmas. I was a little nervous that it could not withstand the heat but it did just fine.img_5247

The only thing I did accomplish was finishing the book club book. I listened to it because holy all over the place Batman….I don’t know how anyone could read this book.img_5248

SB text me last night and she was out, 59 pages in and she was done. SC had already asked me about cliff notes. I have had to cheat a time or two when I didn’t have time to finish the book so I get it. It wasn’t that great to listen to either. I found myself rolling my eyes and calling the guy names. He really was a dick. I am picking the fluffiest, witty, lighthearted piece of brain candy for next month, we all need a break after this one. Plus SB said that the dialogue is superb in this one and I need to study it. Win, win for me…..Ziaimg_4592

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Baby It’s Cold Outside

I am not cut out for this bitter cold….this is where the part of me that is bear, screams for hibernation. Unfortunately things like work and kids make it hard to ignore the elements. For example….my phone rang this morning at 2:08 am. It was the boy, his car wouldn’t start. So I rolled out of bed, started my car,brushed my teeth and hair, put on a bra and went to pick up the boy. It wasn’t horrible….it was 31 minutes from phone call to crawling back under the blankets. There were only two other cars on the road and all of the lights were green.

This morning I took him to his car and waited for the tow truck. His car is all fixed up now but that alternator and battery sucked up two weeks worth of his pay. I guess it was a good thing he just got paid. Poor kid, that bites!

I made time to stop at the Restore because you never know what you will find. I found these two chairs that I am thinking about…if they’re still there. They are in excellent condition and I like the embossed fabric. $30.00 a piece is a steal.img_5226

I did buy a frame. I am still a sucker for a quality custom frame because I know what they cost. This one is 11.50 x 13.50 and I will more than likely paint it. It was too unique to pass up, plus it was only $2.50.fullsizerender142img_5229

I came home and fought the urge to get rid of things and started getting ready for work. I did not want to go back out in the cold. I keep telling my self “just get to Monday”, it will be 31 which is better than 10. It goes back up into the forties for a bit after that. I like the changing of the seasons but I do not like the bitter cold.

On a less depressing subject….do you remember that cookbook that I loved?fullsizerender141

I brought it into work (real job, not waitress job) and two maybe three people ordered it on Amazon. It really is that good. Oh and speaking of work (waitress job), those inserts that I bought are amazing. My feet didn’t hurt me at all tonight. I can’t believe I didn’t buy them sooner.img_5183

Those inserts made a world of difference, they are the best thing I bought last year.  I hope you are warm wherever you are…I am off to curl up under a blanket with the girl and the dog on the couch while I make my list for tomorrow…..Zia

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New Year Stragglers

Today was slightly better at work, it was half day Wednesday and I am always grateful that I work someplace that has that break in the schedule. It feels different though and I am not sure how to explain it.

I hung out at the library after work, I had a few books on reserve….img_5218

There is so much information that it is overwhelming so I think I am going to pick a number, maybe lucky 13 and then pick 13 herbs to focus on at a time. If I don’t do it that way then I will end up losing interest because I am so overwhelmed. I also reserved a cookbook because I am always looking for something new to try.fullsizerender141

I don’t usually sit down and look at every single page of a cookbook at first glance but I couldn’t help myself. It is the most beautiful cookbook that I have ever laid eyes on, the photos are stunning.  I added it to my Amazon wish list, I liked it that much. I can’t wait to try some of the recipes!

I picked up the girl and took her for a haircut. She is the one who made the decision to let go of all of the dead ends. Now her hair falls just below her shoulder blades and she is of course now is whining about the lost five inches.  “I had to do it mom, it was a sacrifice.” In the next breath “my side braid will be a nub, what did I do?”  I was sitting in the chair watching the girl cut her hair and I knew this would happen. I was messing with her by making hand gestures like she was getting a bowl cut and that got me an eye roll or two. She will be fine in a month or two, her hair grows really fast and she has a ton of it….neither of which she inherited from me.

We stopped at TJ Maxx, I was looking for my Italian jars that I keep my herbs in and they didn’t have any. They had new jars that were similar but they were made in China so I didn’t but any. I did buy some Amaranth, not that I know what to do with it. We are going to try a new food once a week this year and this is our first. They said you could pop it…..I tried three times, epic fail. I followed the instructions on the bag and it was bland mush, which for me is a texture thing. I am going to try one more recipe when I find it and if it doesn’t work out then I will give it to the guy at work. His wife is a chef  and a vegetarian so I am thinking that she will know what to do with it and can add it to her pantry.img_5216

I don’t think I told you about the rather difficult resolution that I made? To be nicer to my sister in law. To stop rolling my eyes and making snide comments when I scroll through my Facebook wall. If it is her goal to be some inspirational health nut, role model, shove my Juice Plus down your face kinda girl then who am I to begrudge her. This makes her happy and she doesn’t know that she comes off as having a superiority complex. Deep down she is a good person, she truly is.  She makes my brother happy, end of story. I need to suck it up and find a way to accept her as she is. I am going to try really,really hard.

I also talked SB into doing a reading challenge. It sounded like fun and plus there are books involved. You can’t go wrong with books.img_5190

The first book, a book you read in school, I am going to reread The Outsiders. I am sure no one is surprised with that pick. The second book is a book from your childhood and I think I will reread Anne of Green Gables. I loved that book too. Those will be my picks for January, I will let you know what books belong to February when it gets a little closer.

It is bedtime already, I can’t believe how fast the time goes these days……Zia

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