I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up

You win some, you lose some.  I lost round one, and I don’t do so well with failure.  For two and a half months I was on the electric cigarette, last week I fell off the wagon.  There are a few things that are different this time around, in the past I knew I liked smoking and I never even thought of quitting.  This time around there are things that I found that really bother me.  First of all I can’t stand the smell, on my clothes and in my hair it’s gross. Second of all I hate how it calls to me, when I’m stressed or right after I eat, I have to have it.  I was a little obsessive compulsive about my weight when I quit and I weighed myself twice a day. I think it was because of the electric cigarette that I didn’t gain any weight, but I felt HUGE.  I know it’s all in my head and I will beat this, I don’t like knowing that there is something that I’m addicted to.  I guess since I never tried to quit before,  I never really thought about it.  I’m still thinking about round two, I need a plan of action so I do not fail again.  I will not love it again, I purposely purchased the cheap icky ones so I won’t like it as much.  I know I can do this, I must not have wanted it bad enough the first time around. I will beat this!

On a more positive note, I have really taken the Happiness Project to heart.  I of course have different goals than Gretchen did, but that’s part of the fun, figuring out where there is room for progress and growth.  My first order of business was to find a theme song, it’s an Ally McBeal thing.  I wanted a song that I could play in my head when people at work were snippy and whining, and it really does work.  I didn’t really pick it, I listened to a lot of different songs and it was Nancy Sinatra that ended up stuck in my head.  These boots were made for walking kept everybody’s bad mojo away from me and I even caught myself dancing a little, which made me smile more.  I have to spend forty hours a week with these people and I refuse to play the whose life is more miserable game. Who in their right mind would want to win that game anyway?

  I took a step forward and one backward so I guess I’m at even for now.

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About dragonflyzia

I am just a woman finally accepting that I was never meant to be in the box. I don't fit into any stereotypes, please don't try and label me, that doesn't work either. I am embracing my uniqueness in ways that are new and challenging to me, so that I may continue to grow and never stop learning.
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4 Responses to I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up

  1. 1 Year Recovery says:

    Wow! I just randomly came across your blog and it’s so incredible that we’re going through similar things. I’m in the process of quitting smoking. In fact, I just went to my doctor and asked her for help. I’ll be on medication that will help me quit smoking. I’m also reading the happiness project! It’s such a great, light read. What chapter/month are you reading now?

  2. I read The Happiness Project from cover to cover, but since the new book Happier at Home started in September I am trying to work one month at a time. I am still off the wagon with the smoking, and until I come up with a new solid plan I’ll be stuck in limbo. I hope you have better luck than I did! I’m glad you randomly found my blog.

  3. Jean says:

    A theme song. I like that idea! I like Mellissa Etheridge’s I Need To Wake Up would be a good one for me maybe.

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