To Be or Not To Be

In reading The Happiness Project, two words hit home more than all of the rest. Be Gretchen. Her reminder to herself to be herself.  I’m not sure why I am stuck on that, but I am.  What can I change in my life that will bring me closer to being me?  I was born without a filter. You know that little voice in your head that say “oh honey you really shouldn’t say that.” Yes I am missing one of those, and my foot tends to live in my mouth. Sometimes I will replay a conversation in my head, and I end up putting my hand over my mouth and cringe, while thinking did I really say that?  I get so embarrassed, but I do it often enough that it has me thinking, should I be?  Maybe I am supposed to be that person who says what everybody else is thinking.  If I censor myself, am I really being authentic?  Usually my best one liners come from one of those I can’t believe I said that moments.  If I take myself out of the optical hell situations, I’m not mean, just honest.  Is there something wrong with being honest?  I know it’s not socially acceptable and to be perfectly honest, I could care less about that.  So how do I make myself not be embarrassed by my true nature?  I want to be me.  I know that self acceptance is part of life’s journey, and for the most part I know and accept myself.  Did you catch that? The most part. I am still struggling with the least part.  I always thought that by forty-one I would have figured this stuff out, and yet here I am.  I also don’t want you to think that I don’t acknowledge my blessings, because I do.  I have two of the best kids you could ever ask for, a loving and supportive family, and nobody has better friends than I do.  I could go on and on, until I get to the ” why the heck is she with him?”  Yes I make horrible choices when it comes to men.  That falls into the definitely not ready to deal with that part of me yet.  So I will just continue on making “me” better.

About dragonflyzia

I am just a woman finally accepting that I was never meant to be in the box. I don't fit into any stereotypes, please don't try and label me, that doesn't work either. I am embracing my uniqueness in ways that are new and challenging to me, so that I may continue to grow and never stop learning.
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2 Responses to To Be or Not To Be

  1. 1 Year Recovery says:

    It’s a profound, yet simple truth. I get why it stuck with you. I like how she talks about separating who she wants to be from who she is. Like, she wants to be the girl that goes out partying, but she doesn’t find that fun. She prefers to actually be at home with a children’s novel. I loved that part – accepting who we are is hard, but so necessary.

  2. I agree and yet it seems to be where a lot of us struggle. I went through six shelves in the kitchen yesterday and had a box and a bag for Goodwill. I am so guilty of keeping things I don’t need or use. With baby steps I am getting there, I hope you are too! 🙂

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