I love being anonymous, and have been fairly vague about where I live. I fell in love with a house last night….at first sight….enough that I am risking a narrowing down of my location.
I love log cabin houses, they are warm, cozy and inviting. I also love old houses and I love driving through towns that have a historical district. This house that I am in love with is old and neglected and abandoned. If I hit the lottery tomorrow (that thing I never remember to play) I would find a way to move that house into the middle of five country acres.
I am in love with this house, it’s not rational, but I can’t help myself.
I had never been to the Goodwill by this gem of a house, so it was all new to me. They had some interesting things and it is organized better than the one I usually go to. I didn’t find any major deals…I even have to return a few things today.
SB and I had dinner in the same area, I really liked the food. The bartender made me a washington apple that tasted like cough syrup, and our slightly mentally challenged waiter reluctantly changed it out for a glass of wine. I am hoping that was his mental state or I just over tipped him so he could buy more drugs…there was definitely something “off” with his behavior. I had an awesome filet steak salad and time with SB is always a good thing.
Saturday morning is my “closest thing to meditation that I can manage” time. That time between when I wake and refuse to get out of bed to the time my feet reluctantly hit the floor. Sometimes it turns into fantasy of how I think my life should be, which almost always leaves me cranky.
Today I was stuck in ‘why I see things the way I do?’ Most people don’t at first sight look at a house and say “I want that house” Especially when it is in an area I don’t want to live in and it’s falling apart….but I want it!
My next thoughts went to shopping at Maurices with SB last night. She was complaining about her big butt….which it’s not. She is like 5′ 11 she is just tall, I was struggling with my October challenge as well. Why can’t I just be happy that most of my life I was a size 4….even after having my kids. If I was a size 4 now I wouldn’t be able to stand upright because…we all now why. It’s October and I won’t let myself complain about the girls, I am lucky that I am healthy and I have them. The point is why can’t I look in the mirror at myself with the same eyes that I see the rest of the world?
Which led to most people who know Cockroach will admit that he had a certain amount of sex appeal….I don’t see it now but I did then. One of the ladies I used to work with thought he looked like a serial killer. My old boss (obviously the girl one) said when ever she looked at him she wanted to ride her motorcycle. I don’t get the bike thing.
I get the horse thing though, although it has been a really long time. I have often thought about taking classes just to be able to ride, but I don’t want to jump things or ride around barrels…..I just want to ride and let that horse just go wherever it wants to. The smell of a horse combined with the smell of hay gives me a warm tingly feeling. My theory is…in one of my past lives something really wonderful happened around a stable. Am I having a past life sense memory? I am aware that sounds crazy. Maybe I was in love with a stable boy…..maybe I was the stable boy….who knows, but whatever happened then still has an effect on me now.
Sorry that was my “squirrel” moment of the morning….back on topic. My ex husband, I thought he was cute and had a great butt…my mom thought he was fat. After the divorce everybody said to me, “I never understood what you saw in him!” I see that now but I didn’t then.
My daughter found a picture of my high school boyfriend and said “Thank goodness that you didn’t marry him, could you imagine the nose I could of had?”
Why did I see things differently than everybody else? Is this a good thing? Sometimes my glass half full/Pollyanna way of looking at things gets me into trouble. Why do I look at people and wonder “what happened to make you behave this way?”
I think my biggest problem is that I am a nurturer. I want to take care of everybody, and it certainly explains why I want to feed everybody. I just can’t seem to manage to nurture myself…..Zia