One of my guilty pleasures is to sing in the car, and if you ever catch me really into it….than it’s a Bon Jovi song. On my way to meet SB last night I was singing one of my favorites. I’m pretty sure it came out in 2001….the year I left my ex and my mother died.
It will be 12 yrs. November 4th and it is still hard….I still cry about it. It’s been almost a year since SB’s mom passed as well, I actually had to take the cd out and compose myself before I completely lost it and I listen to this song all the time. This song always has reminded me of my mom……nobody else ever gave me wings or was my rock like she was.
This is not the song that normally pushes me to the crying state, but yesterday it did. I miss her more than usual and I’m not sure why. Maybe because my brothers are at odds and they are all I have left of her? Maybe because I can’t get through to the one brother with the cheating wife?
I do know that losing her was the hardest thing that I ever had to endure and if it wasn’t for my kids, I’m pretty sure I would still be curled in some corner right now.
My daughter is a lot like her…strong, physically and emotionally, where I am neither. In a lot of other ways we are all three the same…which is kind of scary…in a good way. I attribute part of the reason that my daughter and I have the relationship that we do is because she remembers how I almost broke when my mom died and she doesn’t want that to happen again. She barely even remembers her and my nephews never even knew her.
I can’t ever bring myself to write about her on the dates I should but I am doing it now. I have mentioned before that I never know what I am going to write about or where it will lead. Today it is tears and a pile of tissues….I must have needed a good cry and well now I have had it.
Tomorrow is another day…I will dust myself off….put on my ‘spoon full of sugar’ rose colored glasses and go about my business like I am not the hot mess that I am…..Zia