Over Thinking…..Again

If over thinking was an Olympic sport, I would have a gold medal. I can’t even let myself have a little fun without thinking the fun right out of it. Just when I think ‘okay it makes sense now’, I flash back to L on New Year’s Eve. https://onceuponthewingsofadragonfly.wordpress.com/2014/01/01/new-year-new-moon-new-me/

This is making no sense, let me try again. I am a flirt, can’t help it…I just am. I have a new work boyfriend which is always fun and a nice distraction from thisWP_20140218_001

My ugly ride into work…..again..

Anywho it’s fun, the emails and the conversations with this fun loving stranger that you are never going to meet.

Once upon a former work boyfriend who was ill and asked a coworker to give me his cell phone number because he was bored….. I was even with Cockroach when these phone calls were made and didn’t flirt on the home calls at all. Yet, somehow he grew emotionally attached to me and it was tricky for a while. I never wanted to hurt his feelings and somehow I had, he is over it now and things are back to normal. This is not a situation that I care to repeat.

None of this occurred to me while I was at work only while I was walking around Sam’s Club picking things up….reading the label….sighing…and returning said items to the shelf. My chicken chalet was still there and I restrained myself from buying this instant spring in a box.WP_20140218_002

I continued to over think when I came home because this whole work boyfriend thing brings up the ” sure it’s fun and he lives hours and hours away in another state”….it’s safe. Is the reason I want chickens so badly because I really am a big one? (chicken I mean)

I came up with quite the mental list of why I shouldn’t date.

*my stellar track record

*I don’t have time

*I am turning into that strange person in the supermarket that reads every label before it hits the cart

*I am an earthy girl and would rather play in the dirt and who wants to date someone with such horrid hands?

*Forget the crazy cat lady, I want to be the crazy chicken lady!

*My foot tends to live in my mouth and I always say the wrong thing

*Why get attached to someone when I want to jump ship in 3 yrs and 4 months

*I couldn’t possibly let myself trust another again, I don’t have it in me anymore.

There are many more reasons that I won’t bore you with, but the bottom line is….I am still haunted by L’s advice. If she wouldn’t have said what she did, with that most sincere look on her face, I wouldn’t be sitting here struggling to get out words that make sense. I know she is right, but I don’t think I can ……..Zia

 

About dragonflyzia

I am just a woman finally accepting that I was never meant to be in the box. I don't fit into any stereotypes, please don't try and label me, that doesn't work either. I am embracing my uniqueness in ways that are new and challenging to me, so that I may continue to grow and never stop learning.
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