My emotions bounced all over the place today! Work was…well work, and it was the normal Tuesday hell. JD had missed the deadline to register for the test, remember how I said I wasn’t worried…….I am freaking out now. That’s what I do you know, panic at the last minute.
You’ll do fine…..You’re a smart girl……You know more than I do…You’ll ace it. I don’t believe any of it at the moment. I am not confident in my information retention at all!!! Breathe….I must breathe. I have til the 17th….just breathe.
Then I got slammed back into reality….all with one look.
I was driving home the new normal way (potholes) and I was pulling out from a stop sign when it happened. A shake you to the core Cockroach sighting. I was turning right and as my head was turning from left to right and I was pulling out I saw him, and although he couldn’t see my eyes because of the sunglasses he looked right at them. There was no chance he didn’t know it was me. I know where he works again, talk about needing to break a cycle, that man always hires him back. He only hires criminals though……think about that next time you hire a landscaper. When does the physical reaction go away? I felt like the breath was knocked out of me and then I felt sick to my stomach, and then there was the anxiety that he was going to text and I would have to fill out a police report. Then my favorite…the anger, at me for being stupid and him for being him and there is nothing I can do about it. I despise feeling helpless!!! That’s a lot of emotion to feel in the last seven minutes of my commute home.
I have been dreaming weird again, there aren’t physical marks or anything like before (scary right?)….but something isn’t right and I don’t know how to explain it. I am not afraid to go to sleep so it’s not scary it’s just off. I think maybe my subconscious has a life of it’s own and it is having a party all night every night because I am waking up exhausted. This morning it was an intense conversation that I immediately tried to grasp as the alarm went off and it escaped me. Then I just felt like I was missing something the rest of the day.
I just feel like something has to give, I just don’t know what….Zia
Ps I have remained diligent in my tracking of every penny that I have spent. I also have checked my bank account every day, which is a vast improvement.