Ever Feel Like a Pinball?

Pinball-Wizard

My emotions bounced all over the place today! Work was…well work, and it was the normal Tuesday hell. JD had missed the deadline to register for the test, remember how I said I wasn’t worried…….I am freaking out now. That’s what I do you know, panic at the last minute.

You’ll do fine…..You’re a smart girl……You know more than I do…You’ll ace it. I don’t believe any of it at the moment. I am not confident in my information retention at all!!! Breathe….I must breathe. I have til the 17th….just breathe.

Other than my test woes it was a nice day for Ohio anyway. The sun was shining the birds were chirping, I even found a symbol of new beginnings…WP_20140506_001

Then I got slammed back into reality….all with one look.

I was driving home the new normal way (potholes) and I was pulling out from a stop sign when it happened. A shake you to the core Cockroach sighting. I was turning right and as my head was turning from left to right and I was pulling out I saw him, and although he couldn’t see my eyes because of the sunglasses he looked right at them. There was no chance he didn’t know it was me. I know where he works again, talk about needing to break a cycle, that man always hires him back. He only hires criminals though……think about that next time you hire a landscaper. When does the physical reaction go away? I felt like the breath was knocked out of me and then I felt sick to my stomach, and then there was the anxiety that he was going to text and I would have to fill out a police report. Then my favorite…the anger, at me for being stupid and him for being him and there is nothing I can do about it. I despise feeling helpless!!! That’s a lot of emotion to feel in the last seven minutes of my commute home.

I have been dreaming weird again, there aren’t physical marks or anything like before (scary right?)….but something isn’t right and I don’t know how to explain it.  I am not afraid to go to sleep so it’s not scary it’s just off. I think maybe my subconscious has a life of it’s own and it is having a party all night every night because I am waking up exhausted. This morning it was an intense conversation that I immediately tried to grasp as the alarm went off and it escaped me. Then I just felt like I was missing something the rest of the day.

I just feel like something has to give, I just don’t know what….Zia

Ps I  have remained diligent in my tracking of every penny that I have spent. I also have checked my bank account every day, which is a vast improvement.

 

Advertisements

About dragonflyzia

I am just a woman finally accepting that I was never meant to be in the box. I don't fit into any stereotypes, please don't try and label me, that doesn't work either. I am embracing my uniqueness in ways that are new and challenging to me, so that I may continue to grow and never stop learning.
This entry was posted in life and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Ever Feel Like a Pinball?

  1. Best of luck with the test.

Please feel free to share your thoughts..........

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s