It seems most times when it comes to figuring out my behavior……I’m slower than the average bear. Do you remember the other day when I said I don’t know why I am on this big Christmas kick now…..subconsciously I did. I am not going to say what my plans are until I talk to a professional and know all of the risks, but there is a reason that I am preparing as much as I can so early, I didn’t realize it until now.
Facing mortality is another big trigger for me. The last time that I made changes like this, I left my ex husband with two kids 4 and 6 and I didn’t even have a job……three days later my mom died. I have anxiety now just thinking about it……but I survived. The other day when I sent him (my ex) a copy of the email that I sent the principal (2 days….no reply) and I asked him to not tell the girl….the dumb ass told the girl. The one thing that I can say about my ex husband…it has been almost 13yrs since I left and he continually reaffirms that I made the correct decision…..jeez be an adult!
Somebody also pointed out to me that I will be 44 this November and it was right before my mother’s 45th birthday that she was diagnosed with colon cancer. Life is short and is where I work worth the stress….no of course not, but we need to eat right? Is that part of what is fueling my “shedding of the skin”, maybe? I have always been drawn to the Phoenix of Greek mythology, am I too old and tired to rise from the ashes again?
So far the transition back to school has been without incident, well except when the girl grabbed my arm and said “I can’t go back to school mom….I’ve become nocturnal!” That and the one girl she doesn’t like is in her honors english class, so she apparently she isn’t as stupid as she plays….but drives the girl crazy. I have JD sitting next to me taunting apple….tree…..yeah whatever! It’s only one class she will survive……Zia