Christmas is Here

Merry Christmas! I hope everybody survived. πŸ™‚

I had a very nice day today with PT and her family. On Christmas day itself I am typically a loner. I know it’s because my whole life I dragged from here to there and once I was married it was the struggle over who got more time with the kids. I remember being so upset as a kid. You open up these great presents only to be told to put them down and go put on an itchy uncomfortable dress and sit in the car for two hours while we drive to wherever the big family dinner was.

My Christmas is Christmas Eve with family and it was nice to see everyone and the wreaths as well as the family history project were both big hits. Underneath it all…..I was/am crawling out of my skin. I know I haven’t mentioned that I feel a big change coming for a while, mostly because the feeling went away for a little bit. It’s back and stronger than before and to be honest it’s giving me a little anxiety. It’s overwhelming at the moment…..this isn’t even what I was planning on writing about?! Breathe……

Now that I pushed that back down for a bit, the highlights of last night were

my cousin sent us a box of the world’s best chocolate……IMG_0542

my aunt brought us some of the best cheese…..IMG_0538

my sister in law found the coolest glass water bottleIMG_0540

There were also lots of bottles of wine gifted, my little wine rack is full!

My best memory of the night was my aunt pointing out my uncles bad wrapping job on one of those bottles of wine. In my 44 yrs I have never heard my aunt giggle like that, it was priceless. That was my warm fuzzy feeling around my heart part of the night.

Maybe my anxiety is stemming from all of the wedding talk? Nah I’m pretty sure I am over that. We have had two family weddings and I haven’t felt the need to shout “run!” once, we have two more weddings next year. I don’t know how to explain it….it’s kind of like I was outside looking in and thinking “you’re not supposed to be here anymore” What does that mean? I love my family, but that’s how I felt. If I didn’t have my kids I honestly don’t think that I would still be in this town. The girl has two more years of high school….what if I can’t wait that long? I’m going to stop now, I am pretty sure that this is the worst Merry Christmas post ever……….Zia

 

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About dragonflyzia

I am just a woman finally accepting that I was never meant to be in the box. I don't fit into any stereotypes, please don't try and label me, that doesn't work either. I am embracing my uniqueness in ways that are new and challenging to me, so that I may continue to grow and never stop learning.
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6 Responses to Christmas is Here

  1. Victo Dolore says:

    Merry Christmas! πŸ™‚

  2. Merry Christmas!! Great choice with Charlie Brown!! There can never be enough Snoopy.

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