I have thought about my choices quite a bit the last couple of days, the good, the bad, and the ugly. I think that it is part of the process of letting go of “things”….or it could just be me?

In the process of swapping out the attractive wicker filing crate that invites more clutter to rest on top of it as it collects dog hair to the ugly plastic filing box with handle…that will actually get used, I came across an old oil bill. 100 gallons in 2004 only cost $156.99 after tax…..$1.49 per gallon. Oil is at a big low…that’s what they are saying, but as for heating oil I just paid $2.37 a gallon and that’s cheap compared to the last two years….until you find an old oil bill.

Funny thing is I couldn’t afford that price then. It was my personal choice to not put my kids in daycare. I am not saying anything bad about daycare…..just that I wasn’t putting my kids in it. I don’t know how I survived working 2 or 3 days a week…but I did. I was registered for college after my divorce, I would barely have to pay for anything as a single mom of 31 years. I went through everything, all of the paperwork, it was in place….until it came to daycare…I couldn’t do it.

Some may and do say that was a mistake, maybe I would be in a different place? I wouldn’t be the same person that I am now since the experiences would be different. I am pretty comfortable with the person that I am….maybe not the 20lbs I gained when I quit smoking….but that’s physical…maybe it’s the yoga, but I “feel”me….the me on the inside….and I like her.

I had lunch with a friend today and she is a “newbie” at this single thing and trust me she made a strong choice when she changed her life. I think that she was experiencing a weak moment….we must go to Ambiance….stat! I want to make sure that she doesn’t have a big weak moment….that’s when I made my biggest mistakes. I was going to save this for February but oh what the heck…I don’t have that many tarot collages anyway.

Please before you read this and know that my eyes were rolling as I am typing…keep in mind that a neighbor was shoving Nora Robert’s (I had really never read this genre of books before) and Susan Elizabeth Phillips books into my hands every other day… wonder I was so gullible….and stupid….and hopeful. I don’t think hopeful is in me any longer. So feel free to laugh and roll your eyes….just like the jaded me is doing….IMG_0661

The Lovers

Heart to mind,

body to soul.

Passion envelops,

both as a whole.

Choice to be made,

whether to trust.

attraction or love,

or unbridled lust.

Can balance be found,

somewhere between?

It is all so risky,

when the future’s unseen.

Will the chance be taken,

to build a partnership?

Can you open your heart,

and begin this courtship?

Zia Odanata

Cheesy right? This was written by a girl who oddly was at the same stage of abstinence/celibasy that I find myself in again….only I am not as hopeful. I’m glad that I didn’t wait until February to share this embarrassment….it’s too close to the curse. If you don’t remember the curse…..

I was telling the girl about the curse and she said “mom….I wouldn’t have made him take me to school…we have two days to make up a test!” ….as she looked at me in horror!!! Well the nuns weren’t that generous! I don’t know why I say it like that, I had more lay teachers than nuns…dramatic effect I guess.

Well….I’m glad that’s over…none of my tarot poems are epic, but this was the most embarrassing…..Zia


About dragonflyzia

I am just a woman finally accepting that I was never meant to be in the box. I don't fit into any stereotypes, please don't try and label me, that doesn't work either. I am embracing my uniqueness in ways that are new and challenging to me, so that I may continue to grow and never stop learning.
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4 Responses to Choices

  1. It is so important that you love yourself. Because then you know your worth

  2. You know, I read your post (because you are always so kind and like mine) and I thought that you remind me of, well me! Except I full on read Nora Roberts (reading one of her trilogy right now) and am not ashamed of it. 😉 Anyway I love your collages. My friend and I once year do what we call Life Maps. It is a sort of sub-conscious collage that we have been making for over 12 years. Yes wine is involved! Last Saturday we created our new ones for this year. Mine gets pinned up in front of my ironing board in my laundry room where I ponder it throughout the year. It never fails to amaze me that there is always pictures in it that relate at different times of the year about stuff that is going on. The last thing I want to say is never under value what you create. It is the true essence of who you are and should always be celebrated. It takes a brave soul to put any kind of art, whether a poem or a collage out in the blogosphere. Bravo to you!

    • dragonflyzia says:

      Thank you for your kind words! I do occasionally read a Nora Roberts book by choice at that time I was writing about the girl next door had an endless supply…it was an overload. I have Shadow Spell on my coffee table right now. 🙂 I love your idea of a life map collage, what a great idea! You’re lucky to have a like minded friend to make them with….and drink wine. 🙂 Thank you for your encouragement, I know I’m a little rhyme-y but that’s how my poems always end up. Thank you for responding…and I love that I remind you a little of yourself! 🙂

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