I Hate the Debate

If you didn’t already notice….I have a hard time putting myself out there. I’m sure that the anonymous blog part surely tipped you off.BrickWall

I can open up to friends, even new ones that I feel comfortable with. I’m pretty picky about my friends and have been blessed with great ones. There have been times when I tell a story after a drink or two and wake up the next day and say “what was I thinking?”

The thing about me….even when I haven’t had a single drop of alcohol I am the one who will say the thing that has heads turning “did she really just say that?” I will relive that one for days too.

I once put in an email that the point was mute instead of moot and I still beat myself up over it. The person who received the email probably didn’t notice it, but I haven’t been able to let that go and it was months ago.

I guess that for someone who hates to feel stupid, I shouldn’t be so good at it.

Do I ever divulge the deep dark parts of myself? No never…..not to anyone.

Do I ever think about dating? I would be lying if I said that it didn’t occasionally cross my mind. To be honest…..I haven’t met a single person that made me think “I want to know you better.”

Our world is so different now, I’m not sure that forever is even possible…and then I see the sweet little couples at my new job. The sweet little old lady writing out her check and her sweet little husband holding her coat for her, patiently waiting. They are just so adorable, but they didn’t grow up in a throw away society where everything can be replaced.

This post started because my little brother had a picture of us with my other brother stretched on a canvas for me as a late birthday present. He ordered it a while ago and the day that the Universe decides to have it delivered….what would have been my mother’s 65th birthday.

Do I put it up on Facebook? It is a really good picture and I love my brothers but I am still emotional about my mom….I don’t know if I should have….but I did…..Zia

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About dragonflyzia

I am just a woman finally accepting that I was never meant to be in the box. I don't fit into any stereotypes, please don't try and label me, that doesn't work either. I am embracing my uniqueness in ways that are new and challenging to me, so that I may continue to grow and never stop learning.
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5 Responses to I Hate the Debate

  1. When it’s time for you to want to meet someone, then you will know. Don’t rush into anything until you are ready. But if someone is asking you out, there’s nothing wrong with saying yes for a free night out girl lol πŸ˜‰

  2. I’d like to be IN a relationship, but it’s been a long time since I’ve make any effort to start dating. Thinking about dating makes me tired.

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