Is Mercury in retrograde the culprit? Could it be all of the yoga? Is it as simple as a news story? I don’t know what it is but it was coming out in my Yin class tonight something fierce, somehow I was able to contain the emotion to a few streams and not a full on sob.
Things are very different now compared to thirty years ago in almost every way. My life forever changed then….the anniversary is coming up, which is why they ran the story on the news. This is how I remember the day….
I was very irritated that my little brother was coming with me to this party…I was the one graduating from 8th grade….who invited the 6th graders? Whatever… I was cool shit because I was on my way to high school. I was wearing my favorite plaid hot pink and black shirt and my pinstripe jeans and somebody thought it would be fun to throw me in the pool, so I changed into clothes that belonged to the girl who was having the party.
It was warm that day and I’m sure I had a perm or something because I don’t remember being concerned about my hair. I went on a walk in the woods with my boyfriend at the time, we ended up somewhere between second and third base that day….funny how I never let a boy come that close again until 11th grade. I never saw that boy again after that day (that I remember) until a few years ago.
We walked back and the sky was looking pretty dark, I retrieved my clothes from the dryer and changed back into them(in retrospect this was a bad idea and this was the last time I would wear them). We were all in the garage and I was sitting at a picnic table, backwards (legs not under the table) looking at one of the boys picking up a big piece of hail in the driveway, the hail started coming down harder so as he stepped in the garage and began pulling down the door someone to the right of me said “the just said a tornado touched down in a neighboring town”….the garage door hit the floor in slow motion as the windows blew out. I barely remember anything, I was a classic case of shock.
I remember grabbing onto one of my classmates older brothers and yanking on his shirt begging him to tell me it was just a dream. I don’t remember much more other than waking up in the hospital. Thank goodness the parents that hosted the party were drinkers because that is what they cleaned the wounds with. I can’t even imagine having a garage full of kids in the middle of a natural disaster. The father came to visit me in the hospital and told me that I said words he didn’t know girls my age knew…..it doesn’t count if I can’t remember it.
They took my brother to a different hospital than I was at, he needed surgery and still has a scar on his back from rolling with that picnic table. I had to wear a neck brace for awhile and have a few scars on my wrist that are barely noticeable….how is that for lucky?
They wouldn’t let anybody through and I can’t even imagine my mother being told that, I feel bad for the officer or national guard person, whoever it was that had to hold her back. I remember waking up in the hospital and my mom, my step monster, and my neighbor being there. I am not sure how to describe my relationship with my neighbor (he was my age)….I loved him more than a friend but never as a boyfriend…it’s weird I know….we kissed when I was 13 and that was the extent of that. I remember looking up at him and asking “how bad is my face?” flinching as he answered that my face was fine…I was so afraid of that answer, but knew that he would never lie to me. He told me that he wasn’t leaving until he hugged me, and my mom was like “be careful don’t hurt her!” She didn’t understand that he could never hurt me and that was the only way to assure him that I was okay.
Ever since that day I have been afraid of storms and if those sirens go off….all of us are in the basement. There was no warning that day and they didn’t throw around terms back then like do now. Today I learned that it was an F-5….I never knew that before. That was the day that I started questioning my mortality….Zia