Mixed Emotions

It was a really weird day, even Yin could not quiet my mind. I ran into a bunch of amateur garage sales today, bad signage and one girl didn’t price anything. I said “nothing has a price?” and she was flippant with her response “yeah I was too lazy to buy the stickers and price everything.” I then asked her “How do I know how much something is?” The obvious reply was “You ask me and I will tell you.” So I walked down and looked at her meager offerings and said “thanks…have a good day.” This is what comes from seeking out garage sales instead of just stopping at the ones that cross your path.

I didn’t find a whole lot but what I did find was a good deal. The Food Saver bags were a huge deal.FullSizeRender(68)

That’s about a years worth of bags for only $2.00! I also found a collectors edition of The Fellowship of the Ring for $1.00. That was pretty much it and these deals were from sales that crossed my path.IMG_1832

I went to Giant Eagle for the wine taste, like I do every Saturday but today….I just wasn’t feeling it. Even the Wine Steward asked me if I was okay, I guess my my life being up in the air is finally starting to get to me. I’m still not sleeping well and my allergies are going into overdrive….I know it’s mold.

I went to my local grocery store on my way home and who is there? Cockroach. Yeppers and I was pretty proud of myself. I didn’t make eye contact but he has a distinct walk, especially when he is wearing his boots, he actually loomed over his buggy towards mine….a big ugly shadow in an effort to intimidate. I pretended that I didn’t notice and actually stopped in the same vicinity to browse the cheese selection. I didn’t rush out of the store, I didn’t panic, I didn’t even feel annoyed. It was bound to happen and I can’t believe it took this long. I saw him the other day as I was turning onto my street and he was driving past my house. That used to bother me, now I just roll my eyes and say to myself “whatever”.

I came home and unloaded the car, then I loaded it back up with the kids and we drove around looking at some apartments. Let me rephrase that, we were looking for phone numbers and trying to get an idea of what’s out there. There were three big city size apartment communities that I never even knew existed…..and I have lived here most of my life. When we were in my yoga town I had to pull over and google some information and I got that feeling again. It was bigger this time…..going down the first hill on The Beast (Kings Island) kind of bigger. Do you remember when I told you about the voice that said “it’s time” about quitting smoking? Well, I heard it again today…..this time it was about….and I can’t believe I am going to say this, but it’s about dating…..it’s time. I heard the voice….I will consider it… and Blondie back the bus up…..this is not an invitation to fix me up. All I am saying is that I am ready to consider the possibility.

In the mail today I received an invitation to my cousin’s wedding. The first thing I noticed was that it only had my name on it, it didn’t say and family or and kids, or even and guest….just my name. I open it up and  the ceremony is at 3 on a Friday? I have been to weddings on Fridays before and they have always started at 5 or 6. Then I get to the end and it’s an adult only ceremony, the girl is crushed and tried to argue that she will be eighteen before the wedding and I had to point out that it was only my name on the invitation. I will make an appearance at the reception because it’s expected of me but it starts at 7……I will be home by 8. It shouldn’t bother me but it does, just like the birthdays do. My sister in law doesn’t invite the cousins to my nephews birthday parties and my cousin didn’t invite the extended family to his daughters birthday. There aren’t that many of us left, I don’t know why everybody can’t be included. I always included everyone because that’s how it was when I was growing up. I can’t control what other people do, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. These are little things that eat at me and add to my urge to leave this cloudy depressing state.

It’s a lot all at once, it really is…..Zia

About dragonflyzia

I am just a woman finally accepting that I was never meant to be in the box. I don't fit into any stereotypes, please don't try and label me, that doesn't work either. I am embracing my uniqueness in ways that are new and challenging to me, so that I may continue to grow and never stop learning.
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6 Responses to Mixed Emotions


  2. You’re right you can’t control what other people do, but you can control what you do. And that is put one foot in front of the other and live each day as it’s a new day. As far as the wedding, I’d prefer a adult ceremony as well, just because I don’t want kids to be privy to what adults do. I’ve been to too many weddings where kids mock the adults and not in a good way. But they could have possibly had a pre-wedding party that included everyone like I hope to do one day.
    Keep fighting the good fight Zia.

    • dragonflyzia says:

      Thanks K. I see your point about the weddings and I don’t know what the brides side is like but …..never mind it doesn’t matter, it is what it is. Everyone is entitled to their own wedding how they want it.Thanks for helping me to see the other side. 🙂

      • But you know, family should also be considered. I can see both points. But as I said before, I think there should be something for everyone to participate in. I have a huge family so I know how it is when everyone can’t attend, so you have to make something available for everyone. Without family, who do we have you know? Don’t let that get you down though, you need to be worried if they’re having good food at the reception or not girl lol.

        • dragonflyzia says:

          That is very good advice K. I must say that I have never been to a wedding and said “wow, what great food!” I have said “wow did you see that cookie table?” Wedding food around here is chicken….fried or francais…little parsley potatoes, italian sausage and peppers, and rigatoni. I hate rigatoni….the noodle is just too fat I like a skinny noodle like cavatelli. Yes I am a pasta snob and almost always…the meatballs are ick…..but the cookies….yummm 🙂

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