I have heard that it is not good to hold things in. They end up festering and no good can come from that. Sometimes though, I think it might be okay to silently wrestle with your problems. Today my inner struggle involves power, mine specifically. I can’t control what others do, I can only control how I react to it. Since most of you know me as “fly off the handle girl”, I am pretty proud of myself for not going there today.
Stuff. Why do we have so much stuff and why are we attached to it? I just made the statement last week that I can live without a lot of my things but I need my books and my art. So from that statement I shouldn’t be too upset that someone stole my red chairs off of the front porch at the old house. The ones from Target a few years ago, that I really wanted. The ones that went on sale the same time that there was a coupon so I could afford them. They are just stupid chairs that I worked hard for and were probably sold for a pebble of crack.
I didn’t look around any further this morning to see what else was gone today. Even though I am armed and it is the butt crack of dawn, I am not comfortable alone there. My brother is coming over later this week to get the majority of whats left, I should have nagged him earlier.
I said “motherfucker” a lot on my way to work this morning followed by “it’s just stupid stuff”. Then I have the debate over whether or not to fill out a police report, what if they want my new address? I don’t want to give that out and doesn’t it then become public record? Umm, hell no! So I emailed the detective that was helpful in the past with all of the other Cockroach stuff and he confirmed that it would be public record but I didn’t have to name it, just the old address is where the crime happened. I still haven’t decided what I am going to do there, I am leaning towards just letting it go. I never get my stuff back anyway and it leaves me feeling stupid and embarrassed. What a way to start my Monday.
It didn’t ruin my day but it did simmer under the surface for most of it and I am here writing about it now. I am trying to let it go, but it’s not easy……Zia