The Blue Dress

I had a patient bring me to tears this morning. It wasn’t because he was upset and was yelling but because he shared a piece of himself with me. I am not sure how we went from “your copay is $40.00” to him sharing his story.  I didn’t ask but I am guessing that his wife had Alzheimer’s although I am not sure.  His story went something like this.

” My daughter wanted me to put her away. I told her that isn’t the vow I took. When I said for better, for worse,for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part I meant it.  My daughter…she didn’t understand that. My wife was a lovely woman who gave me the best years of my life and when she needed me, I couldn’t abandon her. I bathed her everyday by myself because that is what marriage is.  She will be gone ten years next month and when my time comes I am ready. I have lived a good ninety years, it’s enough.”

Once he started there was no stopping him and I was already wiping away tears at this point. What exactly was I supposed to say? He clearly felt the need to tell me this story so I guess I was meant to hear it.

When I gave away all of her clothes I kept one thing. There was this blue dress that buttoned from the shoulder all the way down to the knee and my wife filled that dress out beautifully, if you know what I mean? My daughter says that I shouldn’t say that but why not? She was my wife after all. So I kept that dress and I can still see her wearing that dress and every morning when I wake, I kiss that dress.”  He then looked at me and then looked around, almost like he just realized that he told me this story.

He looked at me again and said “I didn’t mean to make you cry.” With a choked up voice I replied “no it was a beautiful story, thank you for sharing it with me” He gave me a smile, the kind of smile that only someone who has walked this earth for ninety years can give and said “maybe I will see you next year, or maybe I will be seeing my wife.”

It took me a couple of hours to get my emotions in check before I could retell it to the other girls who didn’t hear him. Maybe it’s just these peri menopausal hormones that are getting to me? I try never to cut the patients short because I know with some of them, I may be the only conversation they have that day.

Every once in a while though, you do get one of “those” patients….the sour kind. There was a patient back over in optical, again…. I thought I himhawed over decisions…geez.  The lady in optical passed me this note when I was asked my opinion on a pair of glasses.FullSizeRender(2)

That was pretty much my work day. Oh, except for the the part where I was mad at Force of Nature Girl.  I went through  the big box of pictures and other stuff last night and came across a photo of me in my awkward stage with a ton of make up on, wearing a tiara, holding an umbrella and donning a pair of dance shoes. I have always loathed that picture. The girl found it and thought it was hysterical and sent it to Force of Nature girl who posted it on FaceBook.  Talk about seething rage!  The girl who had not anticipated this was a little scared and tiptoed around me last night and this morning.  She did ask me “how much of this is…. you are really mad, and how much is…. you are on your period?” Grrr.  I was almost over it right before lunch and then Force of Nature Girl said “oh look your dad posted how proud he is to be your dad and how he remembers this photo” I just looked at her and said “I hate you right now.”  About an hour after I came home she sent me a text and asked me if I wanted to take it down….what was the point now? She wasn’t trying to be mean she really did think it was a cute picture, I hope this experience will make her think twice next time.

I came home today and made the biggest dent in the writing room. I guess I had to face the past and go through that old stuff and organize it in someway before I could move forward. I also made some headway in the basement. What is it about me that I have to work on two sides of the house at the same time?  I am not finished in here but all of the boxes are off the floor.  I guess that’s something.IMG_3426

That little blue organizer thing might end up by the closet which is in the far left of this photo once I make my fear chair which will be centered under my wreath.IMG_3427

It’s weird to have a clear floor and the girl is right, Jennifer ruined this house. This room is exceptionally bad, they must have locked the three dogs in this room.  The scratches are really bad around my desk.

Tomorrow is going to be the longest short day ever. I work until noon and then I go to my second job mid afternoon and will work one party at 4:30 and one at 6:00. I need the money so this is a good thing but I might be super tired Thursday, and that’s a surgery day. Hopefully the second party doesn’t hang out long and I am home by nine. A girl can dream…..Zia


About dragonflyzia

I am just a woman finally accepting that I was never meant to be in the box. I don't fit into any stereotypes, please don't try and label me, that doesn't work either. I am embracing my uniqueness in ways that are new and challenging to me, so that I may continue to grow and never stop learning.
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2 Responses to The Blue Dress

  1. Shelli says:

    Thanks! I needed that story and a cry! 🙂

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