Hopeless Kiss

I went over RD’s tonight, we had some wine and sat outside. I miss being able to sit outside and it was long before the picnic table incident since I was able to sit outside comfortably.  I think we talked about everything tonight. I will always remember tonight as the night I realized that there isn’t a single part of me that believes I will ever be in a relationship again.  I’m still a little stunned by that. Sure I spout things off all the time but at the base of me I am still a freaking Pollyanna, everybody knows that. Today when talking about relationships there was no Pollyanna.

I really wasn’t expecting that. Even on my worst days there was a tiny piece of hope that I was wrong. The thought of suffering through another relationship is just too much. I never saw it making it this far….to the point that I was hopeless. It’s official…I am that person who always rolls her eyes and makes the snarky comments about happily ever after. You know like when Sandy says ” he was sorta special.” and Rizzo said “there ain’t no such thing.” ….That was always my favorite line from Grease. Maybe that should have been a sign?

We talked about a lot of things and since it always circled back around to men and sex, I am going to chalk this up to working on the Sacral Chakra. Some girls like a man that makes them laugh, some girls like a man with strong arms that will hold them all night, me? I like a man that can kiss me stupid….as my last relationship can prove.  Sure I like to laugh, and I like to be held, but it’s all about that kiss with me. At this point and all future points it’s irrelevant but that’s what I miss.

I cry in books all of the time, movies and even commercials, rarely do I cry for myself. Today I did a little….just enough to mess up my mascara. It’s not everyday that you realize that you have no hope for a future relationship. I have all kinds of hope for the rest of my life so I will wipe away the tears, blow my nose and move on….kinda like I always do….Zia


About dragonflyzia

I am just a woman finally accepting that I was never meant to be in the box. I don't fit into any stereotypes, please don't try and label me, that doesn't work either. I am embracing my uniqueness in ways that are new and challenging to me, so that I may continue to grow and never stop learning.
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