The Weight of Heavy

Yesterday was a very bad closet day. I think I might have even worn the same thing last night that I did to book club last month. Sadly even that was uncomfortable. Normally with the LuLaRoe stuff I’m all soft and comfy….last night I felt like I was wearing a tent. I can’t keep doing this….

You guys know that I only bought 4 pieces of new clothing last year, unless you count LuLaRoe then it would be 8…..2 of those were free so I guess it’s really 6. The point of that? I wasn’t going to buy any new clothes until I lost weight. I didn’t lose the weight, I didn’t gain any new weight but I didn’t lose the twenty pounds that need to go. If you look on any chart it will tell you that 154lbs on a 5ft 4 1/2 frame is borderline obese. Thanks for that….I already feel bad about it.

I need…not want, but need a black tunic. I have been looking for a while and I can’t find one that looks right. I had to use a salt cave gift certificate today or lose it, so I used it. It was a relaxing forty five minutes and I now I breathe a little deeper. There is a boutique out that way so I took a chance and stopped. Two of the pieces of clothing from last year were from this store. They were having a 75% off sale…talk about luck.

While I was in there trying stuff on, I had a conversation with a sweet lady. She brought champagne to the store since it was her birthday. I have never shopped while drinking champagne before. This woman had great skin for turning 64 but I wasn’t surprised at her age. Ominous L is the same age and looks so much younger. (L gave me the “don’t be me” speech a couple of New Year’s Eves ago) You could tell by the way this woman was dressed that she had money….in case the champagne didn’t give it away. She dressed loudly though, and although it did match her personality, it was still loud.

I was trying on an outfit when she walked by and said “I though you said you were struggling with your weight?” “I am”  “There is nothing wrong with your weight.” “That’s just because you don’t know me, I used to be a size 4 and these pants here are a 10.” “you have to let that go honey, you can’t go back. All you can do is dress yourself, accessorize, put on your makeup, do your hair and work with what you have.” I instantly was reminded of a card that I keep pulling from the moon deck.img_5370

This card reaffirms my purge impulses but now I think I may have been looking at it the wrong way. Sometime this week I am really going to go through my closet and let go of things. I have too many things that will look great if I only lose 10lbs, or 20lbs but make me feel like Shamu right now. I can’t do it anymore, I won’t.  Don’t worry….I’m not going to go buy a whole new wardrobe at once but I am going to be more picky. This is the outfit that I bought today at 75% off, each piece was $20.00.img_5367

I haven’t purchased anything brown in along time. Cockroach and his mother used to tease me whenever I wore anything brown so I stopped wearing it. I like brown and no longer care what they think so I bought it. I also bought this shirt….it’s not a tunic but it fit nicely.img_5368img_5369

I liked the lace detail on this one. It was only 50% off which made it $30.00 but I bought it anyway. I put it on a credit card. Talk about giving yourself anxiety. I didn’t like the way that felt one bit. The balance is very low or was until I came home and took the statement out of the mailbox. Amazon really should let you know before they renew your Prime membership. I don’t feel comfortable with that balance and will more than likely take $100.00 out of my savings to make that go away…….Zia


About dragonflyzia

I am just a woman finally accepting that I was never meant to be in the box. I don't fit into any stereotypes, please don't try and label me, that doesn't work either. I am embracing my uniqueness in ways that are new and challenging to me, so that I may continue to grow and never stop learning.
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