Torn

Torn…..I let myself get pulled in so many different directions….Truth? I do it to myself. I stopped at a Farmer’s Market after work because a girl I met at one of the craft shows had a booth set up. She has a new all natural bug spray I wanted to try and she needed more of my deodorant so we did a trade.

I began my canning season last night with a batch of peach vanilla butter and I tossed a jar in with her deodorant and my new experimental vitamin c serum. She said “you really do it all.” I do it all alright and I have no focus….I am torn between too many different things. Maybe if I focused more I could be out there peddling my wares with her?

I think that it may be a possibility that I am having a post mid life crisis?  I am way past the mid and I don’t know if I have enough time left to learn all of the things that I want to learn and do all of the things that I want to do? Jack of all trades….master of none.

Saturday night I had a doozy of a dream…..it was a double header. In the first dream I am walking through the woods. I have been in these woods before in the waking world so I recognize some things.  I am walking down the path and out of the corner of my eye there is a large buck. I freeze. I have no idea what to do, I know I shouldn’t run…or is that bear only? So I just stand there because I don’t know what to do next. He walks up to me and starts talking to me….not in a Disney movie way but telepathically. I don’t remember now what he said only that he was kind of a bully. So as he is standing there with all of his points in my face a large owl screeches and swoops down at the deer and he trots away. I fall to my knees in relief when a man comes up and says “are you okay” he witnessed the whole thing. “here take my hand.” “thank you I am fine” I said and there was no way I was giving him my hand. Boys only lead to trouble….

The second part of my dream I was in a large tree house. This was a fancy tree house with windows on all sides. The sky was red and burnt orange which made the dark silhouettes of the trees stand out more. I walked to the window on my left and floating through the air like it was a moving slide show were Native American chiefs….lots of them.

They all had the big headdresses like this so I am only guessing when I say chief. I ran over to the window on the right to see where they went and there was the biggest bonfire I have ever seen. A powwow maybe? I am honestly not sure and then I woke up. When I have dreams like theses, full of symbolism, I feel like they mean something. I am at a total loss on these, except for the trusting a man thing and I don’t believe I will ever let myself make that mistake again.

Speaking of Native Americans I made myself a smudging fan yesterday. I took the one feather that Force of Nature Girl’s son found and gave me and the rest are from BV’s granddaughters first kill last year. I am pretty proud of how well it turned out considering I have never made one before.

It works very well, much better than the palm of my hand. I tried it out last night, much to the dismay of the girl….she hates when I burn sage. I don’t use the bundles, I prefer the loose leaves. Maybe I will try and mix some lavender and bay leaves next time? Then maybe it will smell a little more herbal….in theory.

I didn’t go to bed until almost midnight last night which led to a long nap this afternoon. Lucky for me….falling asleep is rarely an issue…..Zia

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About dragonflyzia

I am just a woman finally accepting that I was never meant to be in the box. I don't fit into any stereotypes, please don't try and label me, that doesn't work either. I am embracing my uniqueness in ways that are new and challenging to me, so that I may continue to grow and never stop learning.
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