Why am I crazy today? Seriously….today was bad. My road rage was on overdrive this morning. I swore a lot at a lot of people. The last one really pushed my mood over the edge. I was comfortably driving 50 in a 45, the reasonable 5 miles above the speed limit. There was nobody in front of me or behind me in either direction. Not only did this blue devil car pull out in front of me they drove 37 in a forty five. I was ready to stroke out. I am not complaining about their poor driving skills, I am complaining about the way I reacted to them. I was experiencing a lot of emotion at 7:42 this morning and none of it was good.
My day seemed to go downhill from there. Negative Nancy was an extra jerk today and she’s an asshole every day. We were super short handed, the phones were ringing off the hook and it was loud today. Everything was really loud and I was moody as hell. Was it my drive in to work? Was it hormones? Was it because I’m going to die sometime in the next thirty odd years? I felt extra out of control today and I don’t like it.
Even Mona has a pocket Jamie, this made me laugh out loud. Did I mention how much I need that?
I did write this weekend and it’s a good start, I just need to carve more time out of my day. It’s hard when sometimes you don’t get home until almost 6:30. When did 9-5 become 7:45 – 5, 5:30, 6? I need more time and less work time. Don’t get me wrong….I work for a wonderful doctor, in a beautiful building, in a wonderful location. I am saying that I don’t think I am cut out for a 9-5 job. It’s too bad that it doesn’t matter what I want because I have two kids that I support on my own.
I am extremely dissatisfied with every aspect of my life. Is there some astrological thing happening right now that I am not aware of? Is this a new symptom of SAD? Is it because I will be turning 47 in a couple of weeks and I still have no sense of future? I think that last one might be the winner. Another year closer to death and I still don’t know what I am doing with this life other than existing day to day…..Zia