Rip Van Zia

Today is looking good so far….I woke up and stayed up and that’s an improvement over yesterday. I woke up at 4:30am yesterday to the sound of vicious winds howling. I gave up trying to sleep in the bed so I turned on the Christmas tree, grabbed a blanket, and snuggled on the couch with the dog.  Personally….I think I was fighting something off. Maybe I needed to recharge, maybe I was a little depressed? It wasn’t because I was alone….my cigarette smoking ghost/uncle/ancestor was with me all day. It was overwhelming at times but it didn’t keep me awake and I wasn’t alone.

I text my brother on and off through the morning and even did two loads of laundry…that was pretty much all I did. I finally put on Alloy McBeal around 6-ish. I couldn’t get the firestick to work so I had to go old school and get off the couch to physically change each disc. I didn’t watch all of the Christmas episodes, three maybe four. I don’t remember them being so sad? I cried a couple of times in the episode with the unicorn. Not bawling…just enough to need a tissue.

My aunt called me around 10/10:30 last night and I went to bed right after that and I slept until 9 this morning. I can’t even believe how much I slept….I must have needed it…. or this just proves that I am part bear and should be hibernating. 🙂

I had some crazy dreams last night. One had the girl much younger and she was crying while saying “I don’t want to kill you mommy.” That….I think stems from my disgust at the forecast. Single digits are ugly and I’m not sure how I will survive them. The older I get the harder it is for me. I wouldn’t mind Winter so much if it stayed at 25 degrees or warmer. The wind was awful yesterday and I am grateful that I didn’t have to go out in it. In a way I am teasing her when I say “the next four Winters are on you” and in a way I am not…

There was the dream about my mom coming back, only this time she died again and the jerk that lived with her said she was so sad that I never came to see her. That wasn’t my mother, my mother is dead is what I  told him.  I used to have dreams about my mother coming back all the time after she died and this one almost feels like a continuation of another dream. One that I can’t remember. I don’t know what it means.

There were other dreams and I wish that I wrote them down when I woke up but I didn’t and those are the two that stick out.

I thought a lot about my goals and resolutions for the new year yesterday. I have my list started but that is a post for either New Year’s Eve or Day. I’m not sure how New Year’s Eve will go. I have plans with PT at the vault restaurant early and then BTS is going to be on one of the shows that night. The girl is already super excited. It’s going to be stupid cold that day too…..2 degrees is the low. I don’t want to be that person that whines all winter, it’s just that it seems extra hard this year. I don’t know why? I have to go to the laundromat to dry towels today so I guess I’m just going to have to suck it up and face the cold.

I mentally prepared myself for a trip to JoAnn Fabrics today. I am not big on the day after Christmas sale but I thought why not? Then I saw the ad,their Christmas is only 75% off….it was 70% off right before Christmas. That’s not enough of an incentive for me to fight traffic and crowds.  Tomorrow is half day Wednesday and the perfect way to ease back into the work week after a four day weekend….I could always stop tomorrow if I change my mind.  Mostly I am hoping that my Scottish cookbooks came in at the library so I can go grocery shopping. That little resolution might not wait until the new year…..Zia

About dragonflyzia

I am just a woman finally accepting that I was never meant to be in the box. I don't fit into any stereotypes, please don't try and label me, that doesn't work either. I am embracing my uniqueness in ways that are new and challenging to me, so that I may continue to grow and never stop learning.
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