Silent Screams

Late Sunday night, very early Monday morning I had a dream….a nightmare really. It set the stage for a very rough day. Do you remember when I went to the shaman workshop? The journey to the sacred garden? One of the things I learned on one of my journeys is that my sacred garden is protected by spiders living in the trees around my garden. That fact only makes my nightmare more disturbing….

I was walking through a grassy area, very similar to my sacred garden. I stopped under a tree and looked up into a web. There was a male spider (I have no idea why I knew that he was a he?) up at the top of the web. I pointed my finger at him and said “you stay up there….no jumping!” I proceeded to reach up with something….a stick maybe? I stuck in in the web and gave it a good shake, I knew I was destroying a nest of unborn spiders. I walked away from the web and came up to a porch and turned to look at the tree. There was a very large…..bad B-movie…sized large tarantula type spider screaming while spinning a globe of a web. It was the loudest silent scream that I have ever not heard. (It still haunts me today)

I knew I had killed her babies and I was even cocky about it. I was a real jerk! Someone in the house had said “you had better watch out….she knows what you look like and she is calling all of her monkey spider friends to come for you.” I wasn’t even concerned.

It was right before 4am when I woke from this dream. I ignored the 4am footsteps and googled monkey spider. There actually is a spider called the monkey faced spider, although she wasn’t in my dream.

I was such a jerk!!! Why would I do that? I rarely mess with spiders outside. Now if one was running across the floor in the house, I probably…..most likely would smash it, but not outside. All I could think of was grandmother spider….what am I missing here? Seriously….Spirit needs to dumb it down for me.

It was a crazy day at work yesterday….from the new updates in the computer over the weekend to the 400lb patient…it was a rough day! One of the nurses kept coming up from the back “are we on candid camera?” “are we being punk’d” “I just want to lay on the floor and cry.” That last one might have been me….. It was a traumatizing day all the way around.

Another strange thing is happening. You know how your phone lights up after a notification? My phone lit up yesterday at 3:19, only there was no notification? I woke up this morning and looked at my phone 3:19, and today at work I picked up my phone at 3:19. I have also seen quite a few cardinals lately. Red birds….screaming spiders….my moms birthday….what message am I missing?

Sometimes I think I have come so far and other times I realize that I have just begun…..Zia

About dragonflyzia

I am just a woman finally accepting that I was never meant to be in the box. I don't fit into any stereotypes, please don't try and label me, that doesn't work either. I am embracing my uniqueness in ways that are new and challenging to me, so that I may continue to grow and never stop learning.
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2 Responses to Silent Screams

  1. LittleFears says:

    Oooof. The whole post reads like it needs to be turned into a novel!

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