I Just Couldn’t Take It Anymore…

When I started this blog six years ago I was 130 pounds wishing I was 120. Then I quit smoking and have been stuck at 150 pounds ever since. The most I have ever been able to shave off of that 150 was 5 pounds.

I had to buy clothes when I gained the weight and then refused to buy more. I have been refusing to buy clothes for a really long time now. I used to have a closet full of clothes, now I have a bunch of empty hangers. Last week I snapped! I text PT and said “I’m ready to go to that store you are always raving about.” Today was that day.

At first I was worried because things were fitting me wonky like they usually do. Then I tried on the jeans and they felt good. They felt so good that I could ignore that they were a size 12. I felt a little better. Then PT found the world’s most perfect pants. They were comfortable, slimming, and looked so good I couldn’t believe it. I know you are thinking okay…it’s a pair of pants..so what? I seriously almost broke down in the dressing room. I haven’t worn something that fit me so well and didn’t make me feel like a frumpy old woman in so long, it was kind of overwhelming. They were super affordable too, only $19.99.

The petites made a difference too. I must have shrunk because petites used to be too short. I will wear the heck out of these pants! They just came in to the store so I am hoping they get other colors in, a brown and a gray would be nice. The store is more than an hour away so I will check out the website from time to time to see if other colors turn up. PT made the find of a lifetime…for me anyway, with these pants. They had a tan/khaki color also and PT bought them for me as an early birthday present.

I also bought two tops with PT’s help. She is so much better at dressing me than I am. I am forever grateful ….

I took $100.00 out of my savings for this trip and with tax it was $103.75. I’d say I did good sticking to the budget. This store is worth the drive. Will it help me love my body more? Probably not…Most of my adult years I fluctuated between 112 and 117 and I didn’t like my body that much more then either. I guess this is one of those things that I am going to have to suck it up and deal with….I don’t know if I can do it?

Since I broke the ice and bought a few things, it might make it easier to buy a few more. It’s clearance time and I could used a couple pair of shorts, nothing fancy. Maybe two cotton pair for around the house or a quick trip to the grocery store and one nice denim pair. I think I can manage that.

I’m not saying this will solve my body image issues or that I am giving up on losing weight. I am saying that I am going to try a little harder to stop being so mean to myself everyday….Zia


About dragonflyzia

I am just a woman finally accepting that I was never meant to be in the box. I don't fit into any stereotypes, please don't try and label me, that doesn't work either. I am embracing my uniqueness in ways that are new and challenging to me, so that I may continue to grow and never stop learning.
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5 Responses to I Just Couldn’t Take It Anymore…

  1. AmyRose🌹 says:

    GOOD FOR YOU!!! Oh my goodness! I am so proud of you! Just lately I’ve let go of my body image of what I “used” to look like and am accepting me for who I am now. It is SO cool!! You deserve new clothes to feel good in. You go, Girl!!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

  2. Hello Friend. I just read your post, and I am actually happy to hear that you are learning to accept your body for what it is, while working to get what you want. Many people do not do this. People generally wait on their ideal body to arrive before they return to happiness, I believe that this is the wrong way of doing things.

    Working out, eating healthy and using good products on our skin are good life choices that we all should make. However, we need to realize that our worth does not lie in how we look, our worth lies in our relationship with God. This life that we live in is a short life compared to the eternal life that is to come. We gain access into the eternal life, not by how we look, but based on our relationship with God. God cares more about our hearts than he does about our outward appearances. Focusing on God would not automatically invalidate how we feel about our bodies, but it will help to shift our focus to what is truly important.

    If you wish to begin a relationship with God (if you do not already have one), here are the steps that I usually recommend:

    1) Find a quiet space that is free from distractions, a place where you can pray

    2) Imagine that Jesus is in front of you. Tell him to come into your life, to make your heart his home, and to become your lord and personal savior. Ask for a forgiveness of past sins, and to become a new creation in him. Beware of sudden distractions when you pray, this is a trick that the devil uses to distract people from having focused prayers. You might also get the feeling that Jesus is not there or that he does not care for you, this is another trick that the devil uses to discourage people from prayers. Jesus is there with you, and he cares for you. You also do not need to be afraid of the devil, because the God that we serve is superior to the devil, and we as his followers are superior to the devil as well.

    3) If you have any specific needs, tell Jesus about them. If there is something you need, ask for it in Jesus name and God would attend to your prayer. You need to understand that God usually has three answers to prayers: Yes, Yes but Wait, and No! and he has a reason for every decision. Also note that when you pray, you need to have faith that God will do it for you without doubting God’s power. Lastly, you need to put in actions when you pray, E.g. if someone wants a job, and all they do is pray and have faith without actually applying for jobs, they would not get a job. God does not work that way. God loves hard workers, if God gave blessings to those who simply prayed and had faith but are lazy at work, Christians would be the laziest people on earth. lol. God rewards hard-work, your part is to pray that he should fast-track your success, so that you receive your blessing quicker than others who are simply relying on their own strengths alone. When you get the answers to your prayers, do not forget to thank God.

    4) Begin to read the bible and obey it. You can find some bibles for free online. There are also bible apps that you can use to study the bible on google play.

    5) if you face trials and tribulations, sometimes these are designed to test your faith. You combat this by reaching out to God in prayer, fasting and maintaining consistency in the faith, and God will see you through all trials.

    6) You can join a community of bible believing Christians, their conversations about the faith should help your spiritual growth.

    7) Get a water baptism, and pray to be baptized by the holy spirit.

    Remember that God loves you dearly and he wants to connect with you beyond your body, he wants to connect to your heart. Do not let whatever anyone says make you feel bad, because our ultimate creator (God) says that we are beautiful. Good luck and God bless you, Amen.

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