I was expecting the drying out process after the flood in the basement….I was expecting to clean and get ready for my launch party….I was not expecting to have a self esteem melt down. Saturday was really bad….
I had my “ah ha” moment when I went shopping with PT. I didn’t realize that I was punishing myself over these twenty pounds I gained when I quit smoking by not buying new clothes that actually fit. It turns out it goes deeper than that. I didn’t realize how bad it really was. Unfortunately the girl was there to witness it. I had a major meltdown and became aware of how I have been talking to myself. I can be a real bitch!
It’s going to take a long time to break this habit but because I am aware of it…I am trying really hard to stop the thought pattern. It won’t be easy and I don’t even know if I can do it but I will give it a shot. My feelings Saturday were over the top!
I thought I was prepared for the energies…silly me. The first thing I did when I woke up was smudge with sage and sweet grass and build a new crystal grid. This grid makes my heart beat a little harder when I stand too close to it. It calmed down a little on Sunday. Saturday it was super intense, just like the rest of the day.
Sunday KB was talking about her struggle with her weight and the girl looked at me and said “take a lesson from your friend, she works hard and is positive about her body even though she isn’t seeing the results she wants. She doesn’t give up and isn’t mean to herself.” I get it…I’m a mean girl to myself.
I know at least one more party will book after I get the mineral makeup kit and that will keep me motivated. I’m not saying that I won’t keep making the body products that I have been making….I am excited that I have real options now.
I love the mineral mascara!! I can’t wait to try the lip liner and lipstick. Once I start using those products that leaves me with hairspray. I don’t know if I can live without Sebastian Shaper Plus? I also didn’t think I could live without hair color and I am loving using the henna color I found. I am almost all the way chemical free…except for food. I don’t live in a bubble so I don’t know if I will ever be all the way chemical free but I am trying my darndest! I guess that’s only a word in the urban dictionary?
Today was radically different than any day last week…we even left work before 5:30. That’s a rare Monday indeed…..Zia