Change is coming…I don’t know how or when, but it is coming… I have caught myself lately in a new pattern of thought lately and that’s definitely a sign.
I’m sure this song has much deeper meaning than just change but it’s what popped into my head tonight so I am going to run with it.
I woke up cranky this morning for lack of a better way to phrase it. I certainly was in no mood for work and didn’t want to be there in the slightest. Once I was there for a couple of hours it did seem to be a bit better. The morning took for ever…seriously…I never thought it would end! Thankfully the afternoon went much faster.
A very sweet drug rep brought this yummy-licious cake in today. This one was harder to abstain from than most…but I did it… I think it was harder because the day was so rough? The fact that it looked all fluffy and nutty had nothing to do with it. (wink wink)
Unfortunately…bad things happened…. Not So New Girl rear-ended a car at lunch followed by M being called a f***ing bitch by a patient. One of those I felt more sympathy for and since I have mentioned how mean M can be to the patients..I’m sure you can guess where my sympathy went. Even though the patient who called her the name is a huge jerk and it’s never okay to treat someone like that who is doing their job, BUT I know she made that call with spite and attitude. I give Not So New Girl credit…she came back after lunch. She kept crying on and off all afternoon and I get it…I do. Luckily there is almost no damage to the car she hit…unfortunately there is much more damage to her car because it sits lower. She also recently dropped her insurance coverage to liability only…..which equals a double whammy.
I really need to work better on blocking other’s energies out, I am really bad at this. I was already feeling bad and empathizing with Not So New Girl and I’m not sure if that’s why I couldn’t keep the Optician’s crazy energy out of mine this afternoon? She loses it way too easy. I’m even billing her vision insurance jobs for her now..why is she still freaking out? It’s exhausting to feel this crap! I have to find a better way to block it and ground myself at the same time.
On a positive note….on my way home, I started writing in my head. It’s been ages since I did that! It’s not related to my story at all but the words are starting to come again. I know if I stop fighting the impending change it would flow faster but then there is the fear thing…
Another big part of it is the sun. I am no longer willing to live my life without sun. That doesn’t necessarily mean Arizona or South but it certainly means that living in Northeast Ohio is not in my cards. I need the sun….my whole being is screaming for it..this too is part of the change. Can I wait two more years until my daughter graduates from her first four years of college? I’m not so sure…Zia