All the Feels….

New moon…Pisces….all the damn feels. Everyone else is struggling…right? This moon is kicking my ass. It all started with this dream…

Last night I was back at the old house…I go there a lot. In the real world the house is no longer there but my dreams still take me there.

The kids were with me this time, which was new. We were there packing up stuff we forgot. Once again, I knew I wasn’t supposed to be there. I looked outside and saw two people way up at the top of the driveway cutting through to another yard. It made me panic a bit so I shut the door and locked it.

The door popped open as a young man and an older woman walked by. He was the owner (not in real life) and outside the door was now a hallway, like in an apartment building. I explained that we just forgot a few things and we will be out shortly. He felt the need to tell me that he didn’t really live next door he just sometimes brings women there. Up until this point I thought it was his mother. Oh and she was French too because when they went on to his place I said “au revoir.”

The kids and I got busy packing up. At one point one of them said “it’s getting dark in here.” I said “turn on the light, it’s okay, he knows we are here.” I remember taking pictures off the wall that I have never seen before and The Girl had a bunch of stuff in a dresser that she forgot. The new owner comes back and says he wants to help and proceeded to distract the kids with a video game.

Insert weird dream within a dream. for a couple minutes we were in a casino type atmosphere when a kid projectile vomited onto a crowd and they needed to be quarantined???

Then I was back in this dream. We were back to packing. The Boy brings me a tall jewelry box type thing and asks me what I want to do with it? It was black and cream, tall and skinny, maybe a foot tall, maybe a little bigger? It had a bunch of skinny drawers. Once I started opening them I realized that it was a clock. A clock with no face but it was a clock. The new owner guy says “let me take a look at it maybe I can fix it.”

Then the new owner guy calls me over to him and says “you are a Scorpio.” “yes, I am but how did you know that?” In front of him is a huge and I mean huge map and there are people sketched all over it. Some men, mostly women from different times, judging from the clothing and hair styles. He points to a picture of a man and this part of the map is bright and colorful. He had thick dark hair, a mustache and was wearing a red coat. The new owner points to the picture and says “because he was and he is you.”

Side note: last week when my dream took me to the old house the new owner had dark wavy hair and was wearing red plaid. These are the first two dreams that include the new owner, usually I am there and know I am not supposed to be.

A clock without a face? I am going with my biological clock. Currently I am 10 days late but whenever I think maybe this is it…as PT would say “Our Lady of Perpetual Bleeding” is back. I never dreamt that my clock stopped before, so who knows? I will be 50 at the end of November this year so anything is possible?

This dream left me with lots to think about this morning before I went to KW’s. We are each supposed to do a craft but the craft I picked took a long time so we only made the one. I found the project here  KW went with a yoga mantra and I picked a verse from The Secret.

I took the picture before we added the herbs and KW asked me to Reiki them so I did that too. We talked a lot about feelings and fears and life…it gave me heart palpitations. I struggled to pull myself together on the way home. I was going to swing by the eagles nest to see if there was any action but I just couldn’t… I guess I have been keeping things in for so long…

We talked about my power. She says my power is love and whenever I leave she always speaks to her husband about how much power radiates off of me. I mention that maybe that’s why I fear it so much. Her response “how can you ever misuse your power if it’s love?” Maybe it’s not so much about misusing as it is about giving it away? I thought Cockroach could handle it because that was what he pretended to be, in truth? He was numb from the drugs so I am back to being alone…it is my destiny I think.  I love too much…I can’t help it. I am what I am, love me or get out of my way. I mentioned all the feels, right?

Today also marks the one year passing of my Mon Cher. There aren’t too many people who get me in this world but she did. I loved my friend and I miss her all the time.

Friday after work was stamp club and we made some great cards! I love the fox and the bird cards the best.

That has been my weekend. I had great times with friends but I am still catching myself holding my breath tonight. I guess it’s my way of dealing with the feels…what choice do I have? Now I’m off to food prep and then it’s back to reading. I am still reading Women Who Run With Wolves, it’s not an easy read but it too, pulls out all the feels….Zia

About dragonflyzia

I am just a woman finally accepting that I was never meant to be in the box. I don't fit into any stereotypes, please don't try and label me, that doesn't work either. I am embracing my uniqueness in ways that are new and challenging to me, so that I may continue to grow and never stop learning.
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