Thrill of the Chase

Lot’s of things have been coming up lately. Honestly…I think the shadow phase of Mercury Retrograde has been worse than the retrograde itself. Things that are better left buried keep coming up. Before I get into that…let’s talk about the chase….

The Young Doctor started seeing someone about a week before Valentine’s Day. He fit all of our recommendations. Mine…big shoulders….Big K….he paid…..Force of Nature Girl…he hunts. He was tall, handsome, had a job, was handy and could fix things.  He even passed one of the biggest tests…he was a good kisser. Unfortunately the Young Doctor thought he was “too nice.” You have no idea how much this phrase bothers me!!!  She never said there wasn’t a connection or attraction but she did say she wanted to “be chased” (insert largest eye roll ever!!!!) Then he bought her a stuffed teddy bear for Valentine’s Day. Apparently that’s the kiss of death to a Millennial? Even the Girl said “she is just looking for excuses now.” The Young Doctor broke it off.

Let me tell you about the thrill of the chase….just like I told the Young Doctor “What happens after he catches you? A large yawn is what happens because now he is bored and needs to be off to the next chase.” She doesn’t get it…she is young, hopefully someday she will understand. The chasers are only in it for the chase and are gone before you can blink an eye….and that’s if you’re lucky. The chasers that hold one are a much more painful experience.

Next comes my dilemma. There is someone who is not really interested but thinks he is interested because I am not interested. Did that make sense or did I have another word stroke? I have mentioned him in the past, maybe with too much detail. Now our work paths cross again and it makes it extra awkward. I made the mistake of mentioning that ML and I went to a comic con last year. That led to a bunch of texts that involved Wonder Woman references. First of all…if I am going to dress for an event like this it will be a costume where I am fully covered. I am NOT a “look at me” person. I chose to ignore the last comment so I will wait and see what the fall out is…if any. Second of all….this person can’t look me in the eyes when I am wearing scrubs….I will not draw attention to the area that is not my eyes..ever in his presence.

Here is what I know…he has a lovely age appropriate girlfriend. He has the attention span of a gnat. He thinks money can buy his whatever or whoever he wants. Most importantly….every time he makes an innuendo it takes me right back to the first time….

I was standing outside smoking a cigarette, still fresh from wounds from having the Cockroach removed from my house when he came outside to smoke with me. I can’t remember his exact words but I remember how it felt. First of all I was in complete shock and felt like a deer in the headlights. I can’t even remember what I said in response but I “felt”  gross and icky. I remember telling SB and her encouraging me to get a smart phone so I could record “the next time” and then I could sue him. That isn’t in me but not being able to let things go…is me.

These kinds of conversations are few and far between these days but when they do pop up…it triggers that old wound. When I started this work relationship Big K said it was all on me…she wasn’t going to deal with him. So this is all on me right now….

Like I said…the shadow period of this retrograde sucks big time! The Cockroach thing was brought up on Monday because of  Wonder Woman texts of the weekend. Which led to me looking up events…which led to me rereading some of the emails I sent the Detective back in the day. Man can I babble! Thinking before I speak? Yeah…I wasn’t gifted with that either. There is quite a bit that I thought I was over…turns out…I am not.

The energy at work has been dark and we have all been cranky the past two days. I was extra “ree-ooww” this morning! On top of the crankiness it was hot and I was pitting out. I kept opening the front door and it didn’t help. I think that it might have been a hot flash? I didn’t want to take my clothes off and lay on the cold floor but I was pretty hot. I have had hot flashes before and they felt different. This may have been an angry triggered response to ugly negative energy.

On a more positive note, today was warmer and I was able to play and try and capture a picture of the moon. The wind was blowing the branches which was messing with the focus. This isn’t the best picture but it’s not too bad. Attempting to capture a shot in nature is always something that lightens my spirit….Zia



About dragonflyzia

I am just a woman finally accepting that I was never meant to be in the box. I don't fit into any stereotypes, please don't try and label me, that doesn't work either. I am embracing my uniqueness in ways that are new and challenging to me, so that I may continue to grow and never stop learning.
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