What…..Was That?

I almost came here at 4:30/5am when I first woke up. I didn’t want to wake the girl or confuse the dog so I fought the urge. Now some of the details aren’t as crisp but you will get the idea.

This nightmare was all about the Cockroach.

I was in a house and it resembled my childhood home, when I heard a knock at the door. I walked towards the door and it was open a bit. In my head I said “why is it always open?” I get to the door, push it closed, and turn the lock before looking through the window. It was the Cockroach who was oddly wearing a royal blue button down shirt and a hat. I can’t even visualize the hat anymore but since he never wore hats it was a detail that stuck out to me. He was all smiles and friendly and wanted me to let him in….yeah that wasn’t happening. He turned like a snake full of anger and said something about the girl owing him an apology for yelling at him. That of course never happened, she was the closest thing he had to a best friend.  I remember thinking “do I call the police?” The time on the protection order is over and I wasn’t sure what to do. Next I went into the bathroom and stepped out into the driveway at the old house. There was a car at the top of the driveway that I didn’t recognize and the girl was standing there waiting for the bus. That brought up my next question “Is it acceptable to ask the police to be here as a presence when she gets off the bus?” Then I saw smoke coming from the building and I asked the girl “Do you have any tests today?” She shook her head and I said “I don’t think you are going to school today.”  The peak of the building was just starting with flames but I knew everything would be lost. Then I woke up. That bastard! He always threatened to burn my house down.

I’m fairly certain this dream played out in part because I am taking the girl to her old school today. She is bringing a friend and going to the graduation ceremony. (not as a participant just an observer) I will be down the street at the laundromat drying towels. I’m not worried for her safety, there will be too many people, or maybe I am and that’s why I had my dream? Who knows?

Shortly after this dream there was a very persistent bird chirping outside my bedroom window. It may or may not be the little bird that knocked on my front door and then tried to land on the screen. “Really? Did that just happen?” That’s what I said to the girl last night.  I can’t make this stuff up! I think it may be a Lark Sparrow, the sound of the song is the same? I have my Merlin Bird ID app on my phone and that’s where I did my investigating. Someone needs to come up with an app like Shazam for birds. That would be very handy.

I did eventually fall back asleep and then overslept and missed breakfast at PT’s. I have to readjust my list and get this day moving……Zia

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Rising Sun

I had one of those magical moments the other day. I can’t remember if it was Wednesday or Thursday morning. I was driving down the road and with all of the trees it was pretty dark….maybe it had rained that morning? Usually at this time of year the sun is past the rising when I am going to work so it had to be because of the rain and the clouds. Anyhoo…I looked up because that’s what I do and sitting on the peak of a little house is a rather large owl. My first thought was “hawk” but it’s head was larger and rounder than that of a hawk. The morning light was shining directly on this bird, and he was basking in the glow. I struggled to fight the urge I had to turn my car around and try and capture the moment on my phone. The clouds had blocked out the sun in a way that it reminded me of something biblical. The Universe was shining it’s light, illuminating this bird and I was the only one there to witness it.

I love morning light above all others, sadly I can never drag my ass out of bed to see it. It’s a nice thought to say that I should make the effort to try and wake up earlier so I can experience it everyday. Let’s be honest….that date I have with the snooze button every morning has been going on since high school. Old dog….new tricks….not likely.

I witnessed another miracle yesterday. Remember my big night of chicken cooking? It was too late to clean up the kitchen so I left it. I woke up the next morning, shook my head at myself and said “this is going to suck big time when I get home from work.” I came home from work and the dishes were done….I almost fell over!  The girl cleaned everything but the three cast iron skillets that I used to cook the sausage. I couldn’t believe my eyes! She said “I figured that this mess was because of me and it’s the least I could do since you spent all night cooking chicken.” See….miracles do happen!

The boy and I hung out today. He’s my garage sale buddy and he wanted to go to the ReStore with me. I found a couple things and he found one or two. We even went to lunch. I had been wanting to try this little local place that everyone raves about so we stopped there. It really is tiny, I counted 38 chairs and then there was a bar for seating, I didn’t count those seats. It was super tasty! It was brunch so I had the half serving of sausage gravy and biscuits which was amazing and the boy had a fried chicken sandwich that was drizzled in syrup. I took a bite of his sandwich and the breading was the lightest and  flakiest that I have ever tasted. I will definitely be returning to this place.

Now I have to go get ready for work. I am grateful that I have this waitress job but most days it’s really hard to muster up the motivation to get ready. I’m okay once I get there, it’s just that there is so much that needs done around here…..Zia

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Way Over My Head….

I am a very lucky person. I was able to call the chef at my waitress job and most certainly he will store food for the girl’s graduation party in the freezer. I am mostly sure that if I offer him a case of Michelob Ultra, if he will have it warm and in the pans the day of the party.

One of the small specialty stores I sometimes shop at had whole chicken leg quarters on sale for $0.59, $0.49 for the first five pounds. I was able to get 25 pounds of chicken for around $15.00. I also purchased ten pounds of Italian sausage for $20.00. I have never left the stove tonight.

I am grateful that my little buddy stopped over with  salads from the vault restaurant so I didn’t even have to think about dinner. I have one more batch in the oven and then I will make use of my new Sam’s Club membership with all of my new freezer bags.

I don’t have a count of pieces as of yet but I am sure I have plenty. It smells so good in here, it’s hard not to sample.

The girl woke up this morning and would not get out of bed…..I tried everything. She did not show up for her mandatory practice. I did my best, so her not walking at her home school is on her. I am not complaining but it had to be her choice, which she made. As you know….I am not sad about it.

We were let out of work early today which made it possible for me to stop at the store and still be home at 5:09 which is ten minutes ahead of schedule. I started cutting the chicken as soon as I got home….talk about hard on your hands…..thankfully that part is done now. For the most part I am good….until meatball day….there will be sauce and balls for miles. I will take a picture before I relocate anything so you can see what is happening.

Since it was Outlander day and my little buddy stopped over with food….I had to try and suck her in. So we watched season 1, episode 1. For me….it was very difficult to stop. I would like nothing better than to sit and binge watch my favorite show, unfortunately that’s not how it works.

So here it is 10:30, I have to shower, package food for freezing and do dishes…..thank goodness tomorrow is Friday….Zia

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This mornings dream is brought to you by heartbreak and devastation……Yep, that’s how I started my day.

In my dream this morning I was with the girl and she was helping me make a bed when she said out of the blue “You know your mother adored you?” If there was more to this dream I don’t remember it. I remember those words and waking up in tears. What a way to start the day.

Oddly…the girl barely remembers my mom. Every once in a while I will ask her what she remembers. She always says “her toe ring”. My mom was not a fancy woman but she was tickled by that toe ring which is why I made sure she was buried in it. So it was odd to have the girl say those words to me in a dream, unless it was a mother, daughter thing?

Adored is not a word that I can imagine my mother using regarding me. I am the emotional, huggy person. My mom….not so much. Did I know my mother loved me? Absolutely! We talked every single day and that was the hardest thing to get over when she died.

If someone said my mom said she adores the boy, that would be completely believable. The sun rose and set around the boy. That’s how it should be. Adored, the word seems odd to me.

Most days I’m pretty good about pushing that pain back down, today was a tough one. My mom died in 2001 and it is still raw. Part of me has never recovered from that. She was the only person in this world that I could count on, she was my rock. So when you read my words and shake your head “what has that fool girl gotten herself into now?” just remember….I am an emotional hot mess that is just pretending that everything is okay….Zia

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Every Minute

I love having an extra day. I have enjoyed every single minute of my bonus day.  There is nothing quite like enjoying a mimosa at 12:30 on a Monday afternoon while you finalize your list for the day….and getting paid for it. Paid days off are one of my very favorite things. It was a light list today, since I had an extra day I tried to make sure that mundane things like laundry were already done. I even found time to play a little……

I found this weird but whimsical cornucopia at the ReStore for $2.50. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with it until today.

I made it into a table top fairy garden. I would love to have an outside fairy garden and I do have a small one in a big pot outside. Here’s the thing….there really isn’t a space to hang out outside at this house. The little fairy garden I do have, I rarely see, at least with this one I can enjoy it.

Last night while finishing up the three book page wreaths I had to make, I finished watching Anne with an E.

If you loved the LM Montgomery story of the quirky little orphan who had a knack with words and stole your heart do NOT watch the Netflix original. It was dark and way off topic. Netflix has done to Anne of Green Gables what HBO did to the Charlaine Harris books. I watched them all but I said WTF a lot!

Yesterday while frustrated that I was running out of white vinegar, I googled Sam’s Club membership deals. I was lucky and found a good one. Now I don’t have to depend on anyone, if I need it, I can go myself. I hate depending on anybody.

I have also had a few weird dreams this weekend.(I know….you’re stunned) The one on Friday night I don’t remember very well. It had a goat in the basement and a lamb. That truly is all I remember. Funny thing about dreaming about a goat….remember the kid dishwasher that I made into the character Goat? Well he is home from college and came back to work Saturday night. I was so excited to see him. The prep cook told me he was back before the chef did….boy was the chef pissed that he didn’t get to tell me first. I am partial to my work kids and I missed this one a lot. That was the highlight of my weekend. We were so slow Saturday night….I had one table. Lucky for me it was a party of ten cute little old people. It was sad for the others who got dressed, came to work, and had no tables.

Saturday night I had a dream that the kids and I were looking at a potential new home. It was a unique space that would need to be converted to a living space. While we were admiring the architecture a large spider started rising towards the ceiling with a grip on a turtle. In my dream I remember saying “that spider can’t bite through the turtle’s shell?” The girl in a turtle saving frenzy brushed the spider off and clutched the turtle to her body. The spider fell off of the side of wherever I was sitting and then climbed up his thread again. I tried to dodge it but he landed on my oddly bare foot. I thought to myself “stay calm, don’t move and he won’t bite you.” That lasted for a few moments and then I started pulling on his very sturdy thread. I got him off and damn it he bit me, there were marks. There was no pain but he left marks. Why am I always the one who gets the spider bites?  We were walking out of the space when we stopped at a very nice manly desk for the boy. I asked how much it was and this woman said “I will ask but you need to leave people are coming in to work.” Then it was like a factory? That was it and I woke up…crazy I know.  Spider and turtle….what could that mean?  My dreams are out there.

Speaking of dreams….the girl and I were at Barnes and Noble today when she found this book’s sequel.

I never read the first one so I couldn’t start with the sequel. She said “what the heck…you have one unicorn dream and we see that tapestry everywhere?” Oh good it’s not just me was my thought…..Zia

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Question Before the Court

Do I…..or don’t I? This whole school year I have done everything in my power for the girl so she can walk at her home school’s graduation. Then she wavered for a bit in the last few weeks which let me get my hopes up. Now she is leaning towards walking again. I was surprised at how much I didn’t want to go?  I saw her graduate from her school with all of her friends and while the actual diploma comes from her home school , it’s not required that she walk on graduation day. I was fine for all of this time because I knew I had to do it and then she had to waver…..it was just long enough for my real feelings to come to the surface.

I could go with the one mom I am friends with….barricade myself within her family unit with the hopes that I remain invisible. For me it feels like going backwards. I don’t give two shits what any of those people think of me but there is always that chance that one of those idiots will send Cockroach a text. I don’t want any drama and this is the very last piece of that part of my past. Can’t I just skip it? The parents most likely to send the text will be there I’m sure. Last I heard their daughter wasn’t being detained by the police in any way so they will be there…trying to stir up something because that’s what those people do. I really, really don’t want to go.

I went to the Saturday yoga class that I have been going to this morning. It’s such a nice gentle class and she always has the best music playing. Sometimes I will hear a song and it will strike a chord with me on some level. This song did just that and the video reminded me that the girl and I never saw this movie. I went online this afternoon and reserved it from the library.

A funny thing happened after class….I was talking to the teacher and my throat closed and I started coughing. Not in a normal way. It was like the Universe was saying “stop talking now” The minute I walked away from her I stopped coughing, it was the weirdest feeling. I also felt something touch my side during savasana. That’s not a first for me although I usually hear things more. It was a very weird morning.

I left yoga and went to the ReStore where I found this signed print in a horrible frame. I took the print and left them with the frame so they could resell it.

I was drawn to the image instantly although I feel she is a little sad. The girl thinks the face is creepy. I think statuesque is a better description but that’s just me. A woman I worked with at Joann’s gave me this as a present because she knew I liked the frame. I never had a place to hang it so it’s been in storage for about ten years. I think I will take it to Hobby Lobby and have a mat cut so I can use this frame.

The girl and I watched the first episode of Anne with an E last night. I loved those books when I was little and I also loved the original mini series. I believe this little girl as Anne. Matthew…while not Richard Farnsworth has won me over. I’m not sure yet about the new Marilla because Colleen Dewhurst was the perfect person for this roll. I give the new actress some credit because you can tell she studied the original. I haven’t made it to the part with the new Gilbert but Jonathan Crombie has some big shoes to fill. The new Anne is pretty young so will they recast her every season? They were able to make Megan Follows look young in Anne of Green Gables so it was an easier transition into Anne of Avonlea. Only time will tell and I have a couple of book page wreaths that I need to make this weekend so I may get quite a few episodes in…..Zia

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Picture Day

I feel like I didn’t get a whole lot accomplished on this half day Wednesday. I’m sure the hour nap late this afternoon had a little to do with that.(wink wink)

I messed with photos from Walgreens and had to make two trips. I sent them through late last night and it’s been a while so I forgot how the image varies so drastically when you change the size. I lost two whole kids when I made a picture an 8×10. They were really good about applying the money from the 8×10’s to the new collages that I made so it didn’t hurt so bad. They have a 40% off sale going on now so I am trying to send pictures in as soon as I know I need them.

Funny story about Walgreens…..I almost ended up with the cheating skank sister in laws photos as well. She went back to her maiden name why is she still using mine? Not only that, she didn’t use her first name and we both have the same first initial. So who is she messing around on now? Not my problem anymore, I am just glad my brother is free of her. 

This after meeting a new coworker at my waitress job on Saturday night. I think I forgot to mention this in all of the graduation excitement. This little 21/22 year old new girl was standing talking to the other girls. I happened to be up on the stairs watching her. Mostly because she reminded me of the skanky sister in law. She happened to be standing by a part of the wall that is a mirror and she kept catching her reflection while she was talking….smiling at herself….and then taking her hair out of the ponytail only to put it right back up. This girl likes herself a whole lot and the nationalities match up. Not that I think all Lebanese people are conceited….just those two. (my ex sister in law is half)  It freaked me out a lot, I hope this girl rarely works a Saturday.

I purchased a small drawer a while back from the ReStore to make a project. I need old sewing drawers, the small one would have a whole different look. Since I had this one I painted it for use at the graduation party to hold the rolled silverware.

I also put the unicorn print in it’s new frame. This frame was only $15.00, it’s not as nice as the one at Joann’s but the size is what I needed.

The mat looks black in the picture but it is really navy blue. I didn’t have time to dig out the tools to put a proper hanger on it. I rarely use what comes on the frame.

That was it….not much. Hopefully I will be more productive tomorrow…..Zia

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The Places She Will Go….

I was so excited for the girl when I woke up this morning. I remember how excited I was on graduation day, although the girl likes school way more than I did. I couldn’t wait to get out!

I got to her school around eight. I made a brief pit stop to congratulate baby mama and give her a hug before I went to the girls class room. She was eager to take pictures which surprised me. She took a picture with everyone in her class including the teacher. I picked the background. I thought the periodic tables were fitting for her class. Obviously I can’t post the pictures but I cropped most of the girl out of one of them.


So after our photo shoot I headed out to the madhouse of seating. I found the ex husband and they didn’t have enough seats which was okay. He did stand and offer his seat which was crazy. I told him to sit down, it was fine, I would find my own seat. When the boy graduated they saved me a seat….well the girl saved me a seat.

I found a seat next to two Chatty Cathys which was slightly annoying. When the kids came in I was the lucky one because the girl walked in on my side. She saw me, smiled, I waved, and in the next second she realized her dad and brother weren’t there. That look on her face was not my favorite….I didn’t  cause it and I didn’t care for it.

I think that he thinks that he steals all of the moments but he really isn’t. Sure he had her last night and today, big deal. When I went to take pictures in her class room, most of those kids knew me. He doesn’t know any of her friends, he only knows the little world he created with his parents, the boy and the girl. To each his own, I don’t feel a bit deprived.

Do you remember that little book page flower vase I made last night? Well, she picked it up and loved it. She made me take the $20.00 even though I only feel it was only worth $10.00. She was happy and that’s what counts. It was my first custom order and it went well. Whew!

The girl just came home, and it’s early? I’m not complaining, I can’t wait to hear all of the things that happened after the ceremony since I had to leave and go back to work. It’s all very exciting……Zia

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The Big Day

Tomorrow the girl graduates high school. I can’t even believe it….she was just four last week. Time really does go that fast. That has pretty much consumed my time since Saturday. All of the invitations are addressed and I took them to the post office last night. She decided that she wanted me to make a book page wreath for one of her favorite teachers and that took up most of my night last night.

I have a couple of different things that I am working on for her party at the moment but I will wait to post until they are finished. I did pull out my tote of graduation stuff I bought last year at 80-90% off. I can’t remember exactly how much it all cost but I’m pretty sure it was $15.00 or less.

I couldn’t remember what I had so I thought I had better bring this out so I don’t over buy like I tend to do. I need cups and maybe some more forks. I still have to make the picture board but other than that I mainly need to concentrate on food. I need to make some decisions there as well.  Lots of people have lots of opinions and that will help me pro and con it until I make up my mind.

So how about this one….I sent my ex husband a text about her party and that he was more than welcome to come and invite whoever he wants. Which would be his parents, one cousin, and I think the kids said he had a friend at work. I am trying to be the bigger person here….I can suck it up and deal with his mother for a few hours. Do you know he never answered me? What’s that about? It doesn’t matter to me, I was just trying to be nice. When will I learn to stop that? Oh well….I am who I am.

I had a patient ask me if I could make a smaller version of my book page topiary, maybe in a vase to use as a card holder for an anniversary present. So I came up with this….

You can’t really see the vase against the black but you get the idea.  I text her a picture and she seems excited. I told her $10.00 and she is insisting $20.00. The poor woman just lost her husband last year. I think $10.00 is a fair price, it only took me a little over an hour to make it.  We left it at “why don’t we wait until you see it in person”. She’s supposed to pick it up in the next couple of days.

I also made brownies for a fundraiser at the ReStore tonight. It’s been a busy one over here……Zia


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Set in Stone….

I had been doing a lot of stressing lately over the girl’s graduation party. I have never thrown a graduation party and that alone is a lot of pressure. I wasn’t sure when to have it or where to have it, although I had an idea. KB booked the pavilion last night and I made the invitations today so I would definitely say it is set in stone. I said to the girl “what do I know about having a graduation party?” She shrugged her shoulders and said “nothing”. I then asked her “what do I know about throwing a Summer Solstice party?” “A lot” she agreed. That is how I picked the date. It’s on a Wednesday and that made the rental cheaper and hopefully the park less busy. I have successfully thrown many parties on this date and I am hopeful this will be one more to add to the list.

We went to the craft store today to pick up some napkins and silverware in her school colors. I had originally grabbed her home school colors and she asked if we could do some in her actual school colors. It’s her party, I don’t really care what colors we use. I have a lot of silverware to roll regardless.

We had a slight disagreement about pictures. She doesn’t want a photo board in any way shape or form. Her argument is “if they want to see me they can turn around and say “oh there she is”. I’m not dead, I’m just graduating.” She’s just going to have to suck it up because she is getting a photo board.

I bought her a desk from the ReStore today. After I fix it up for her it will be her graduation present. It’s the same style as her furniture and has the same drawer pulls as the night stand I bought her in recent months.

I took my camera to work yesterday to get some practice in during lunch. I was looking for anything with a flower. I did not know what a black locust tree in bloom looked like before yesterday and the smell was perfect. I even made Force of Nature Girl walk over and smell it. She inhaled so hard that she ended up with a petal up her nose and still couldn’t smell it. I grabbed some flowers off of it after it rained and then she could smell it. All perfume should be that subtle.

It was a pretty slow night at work tonight, thankfully I had a small party because that was my only table. The girl has a friend sleeping over and once again it is scary movie night at my house…..Zia


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