The Day After

imagesWhen will I learn? It could have been worse I guess, although why did I tell you what I made for dinner? I know better. I know that I can’t talk on the phone and drink wine, I have no excuse.

When I woke up this morning though……and remembered that I wrote last night…..but not what was written…..ugh! Again…it could have been worse.

I am going to go before I make it worse as I am already the perfect example of bad blogging under the influence…..Zia

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Tipsy Friday

wine-glass-pourWell, I didn’t start out that way……damn cigarettes!  I had SB over for dinner and to give her the birthday presents that I wasn’t able to give her last week. I made her dinner….chicken with roasted red pepper dressing on whole wheat bread with fresh basil.  We also had roasted red peppers stuffed with goat cheese and a brie with the wine apricot jelly that I made.

We had a really nice visit and I really think she is making a major leaps forward in her life ……even though it’s a pay cut right now. I can’t explain it…….just like I can’t explain mine.

Wait….I didn’t explain the tipsy wine thing…….cigarettes are a hand to mouth thing…..when you don’t smoke anymore and are drinking wine…….it leads to trashed!

Moral of the story…..don’t replace a glass of wine for a cigarette….unless you want to be loopy.

It’s weird how SB and I are both dropping pieces of our lives so easily…I blame our wonderful yoga class!  :) Thank you….thank you…..thank you!

I had the most wonderful warm and fuzzy feeling today…. the account that worked with me when I was studying for the optician test called me today because they needed somebody and wanted to give me the first crack at it….how sweet. As you know this is not something that interests me deep down but I forwarded the opportunity to somebody who needs it.

Is that crazy? I want out of my current job….but I am not willing to work a night, or Saturdays without benefits. Mostly I am really partial to being paid to shop on Good Friday……not Thanksgiving….I am against stores being open then.

I really don’t want to be an optician….I wish I knew that $225.00 ago.  Whatever!

The High Priestess reversed called me tonight…..which I had to return the call…….which led to my trashedness!!  I don’t trust her but I do like her….is that a bad thing? Can you relate to someone….like them…..but not trust them?

Life……what a kick in the pants…….Zia

 

 

 

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Bored To Tears

I could lie and say things like “I am getting so much done” or “I have changed over more dry goods to my Italian canning jars from TJ Maxx that I love so much” “I am having my friend over for her birthday dinner and there won’t be any bickering” All of those things apply…..but the truth is that I am bored to tears without them. I gave up on making all of those pennies shiny by myself…it’s too much.a784c4725fa30019e9ab8a66ffdecd69

When my kids leave for good I am pretty sure that I will suffer from empty nest syndrome. They are having fun in DC with their dad though. I gave them each days to text me and send me a picture. The girl is Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and the boy Tuesday and Thursday….she is the over achiever so she gets the extra day.

The difference is so funny. The girl sends me “We’re having fun and I love you and miss you” followed by a picture of the white house and a DC squirrel. The boy sends me “There you go” followed by the Lincoln memorial and the USS enterprise. I am guessing that they were at the Smithsonian.

While I am putzing around the house I am having a Downton Abbey marathon that I am more or less listening to. I am enjoying that.

The grocery store had chip chop ham on sale so I have an experimental dog treat drying in the dehydrator. Hot dogs work so why not chip chop ham? I really have no life without the kids.

I think that I may go before I embarrass myself further…..Zia

 

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New Moon Monday

indexHecate Goddess of the crossroads, boy oh boy have I been thinking about her a lot lately, and again today because of the new moon. This is one of my favorite Jessica Galbreth prints and it hangs above my grandmothers lingerie chest in my bedroom.  It has been my experience that the events of the new moon…..set the mood for the next 28 days. Okay in re-reading that I see where I may put out that witchy vibe…..whatever…label me if you must.

It was a rough day at work for me…..aren’t they all.  I sit next to bat shit crazy….imagine if you will, what Carrie White would look like if nobody dumped pigs blood on her at the prom….and she lived. That’s what bat shit crazy looks like and she has a small title which basically means she is the only one willing to work extra hours at no pay and take the blame if something goes wrong. Her job sucks, I wouldn’t want it and here is an example of her at her finest……

I had just finished up a phone call and normally I try and block out her crazy, but she was talking to one of my accounts. We had apparently shipped another job to god knows where and she says ” I don’t know what to say, we fucking lost your job” What? I almost fell off of my chair!! I waited 5 minutes and called him back, he was okay…a little stunned, but okay. Is sage tax deductible? I burn it everyday to try and keep my walls up, two things happen here…you get mean or you get crazy….I choose neither! Who talks like that? Don’t get me wrong when I am pissed I can drop the f- bomb as well as the most seasoned truck driver but not on the phone to an account. I really have to find another job.

Thank goodness it was yoga night, I will miss it next week. No yoga on labor day. :(  I did however write a little note to the best yoga teacher ever, I even used one of the angel cards that KW had made for me. I decided that this thank you deserved one of those special cards. It’s corny and cute…you know it’s me.

I just wanted to say thank you! Thank you for being who you are and for being my teacher. It’s because of you that the tops of my thighs no longer rub when I walk (the single hardest part about quitting smoking). You have almost completely banished my back fat…over hang wow and under hang….much better. I am also more aware and you have helped me remember how to be that way.Thank you for working my muscles until they are jelly…..when I think that I can’t possibly hold that pose any longer, Thank you for dusting off my spirit and giving it the good old fashioned kick in the butt that it needed. Forever your student, Zia

Yes it’s corny but I believe in letting people know that you appreciate them, and that they are making a difference. Isn’t that what we all really want?…..Zia

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Zombie Walking

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Okay….I’ll admit that is a tad overly dramatic….but just a tad. I did seek out a second job which so far I really do like, but it will take a while to get used to staying up late. I didn’t get home until almost 2am last night, I can’t even remember the last time I was out that late!

It’s always hard when you start a new job and don’t know what you are doing, I think I have the kitchen part down….I just need to learn the computer, although it looks pretty user friendly. It was just too crazy this weekend to learn that. I did get to meet almost everyone yesterday, and it’s nice to work with a team again. I worked Friday night to learn as much as I could in the kitchen so I could be of use for their big event on Saturday. I did just fine in the kitchen and the rest of the night I was more like a bar back? I just basically helped whoever needed it. I only ran into one person last night that I knew, my oldest friends first boyfriend. I have known him since he was 14yrs old, I was a year older than they were, but he also played baseball with the Cockroaches brother…..here we go again. I just let it go and until now I didn’t even give it another thought. Just one of those things that I have to deal with I guess.

I should have taken today to just relax….but that would have made sense! Instead I chopped and seasoned and chopped some more and now I have chunky garden salsa in the canner right now. Let’s not forget the big mess in the kitchen! Why do I do this to myself? I still have laundry in the washer and dryer and it’s almost 10pm…yikes!

The kids left today to go to their dads for a week and they leave for DC tomorrow. They were good sports about having everything clean before they left, I still have my few areas to work on but the majority is clean. I have pennies soaking in my future lye soap making crockpot…what a mess that was. Soaking the pennies in salt and vinegar was a mistake and I actually had to boil the pennies in new vinegar to dissolve the hardened salt….the girl dropped the ball on that one. She sure made up for it by doing a kick ass job cleaning the bathroom and prepping the floor for the pennies…it’s hard to be mad at her for long.

I should take this week of alone time to get some major things accomplished…I need a game plan, maybe tomorrow. Have a great week…..Zia

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Just an Average Day

I am ending my day watching one of my favorite movies…..it was a long day and for some reason this movie always makes me feel better.

Today at work was just like any other we were short handed and I am emotionally exhausted…..but who wants to talk about that? Not me!

We did have some floods yesterday……now someone explain this to me please.  It can rain very little in the spring and I have 3 inches of water in my basement. It rains like this…..WP_20140820_001 WP_20140820_002

my front yard usually doesn’t have a lake in it……and there is only water at the drain and a big puddle in the back room (I am convinced it’s related to the down spout). I just don’t get it!

I receive a message from BM today…..I really hope no one ever picks up the phone and says ugh do I have to call her back when I call……and I feel bad that I do that, but really most days I never want to talk to her. I called her back and omg her daughter has cancer….she is just turning 20. This girl grew up at my house and she is a good kid….her parents may be a hot mess but she is a good kid….it’s just horrible. I will make the effort to check in once a week because I love that kid, but the first time BM brings up the Cockroach I am going to say 68% of the things that I hold in whenever I talk to her……in theory.  Maybe if I just put her in her place things will be better…..yeah I doubt that….control….and hold my breath and I will get through it.

I was at Dillards earlier this evening….finding the perfect black polo….flatters and hides at the same time AND was on clearance with an extra 40%off.  Anywho I was coming out of the dressing room when I heard a loud pompous voice, followed by a young girl walking to find another co worker while bawling her eyes out. It took everything I had not to walk up to him and ask him if he felt manly because he traumatized that young girl. Grrrrr sometimes people are just assholes.

Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday, one more day of soul sucking work and tomorrow night I start training at the winery……yes I am still super excited and I have the perfect polo and everything……Zia

 

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I Totally Lucked Out!!

There is nothing new on the main job front search, but I just hit the part time jack pot!! There is a new local winery….really new and I was just hired for Saturday nights. :) I emailed the company last Thursday night the 14th one whim, I mailed the application Saturday morning, I emailed again on Monday because I attached my resume but forgot my reference page…….she still called me today, I went, and she hired me on the spot! Wahoo for me! Yes I am very excited! This place is new but it has amazing potential and the plans that they have set in motion are just wow! I can make in one night what I used to make in two at Pier 1, that counts as time management…right? It’s a little bit of a drive but when I bring the kids home the best blueberry donuts in town…they won’t mind so much. Did I mention that I was excited?

The only downfall I see is the stretch of 35mph country rd. Since it will be later in the day the deer should keep me within the speed limit….I hope. It’s hard to keep that lead foot under control….and it’s part of the “good ole boys” patrol, yep this part will be hard.

This is my second day of not being home to keep the super clean momentum going….the kids are with their dad for a whole week next week and I want to have everything spotless…….because it stays that way with very little maintenance when they are gone. I won’t have to cook……I just need to remember to eat…….Zia

 

 

 

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Where Did My Weekend Go?

As you can see…..I survived the drive out of my comfort zone. My cousin did text me in the morning and asked if I wanted to follow them…..duh. :)  We (as a group) ended up at the wrong place it was an Ave. vs St situation. My other cousin’s husband came and rescued us, all I could think was whew it wasn’t just me!! The view at the correct place was much better, and I was obsessed with trying to get a good picture of the sea gulls…my phone just didn’t cut it.WP_20140816_003WP_20140816_007WP_20140816_018

I did get my feet wet…..WP_20140816_023

I left with some sand and some stones and a few feathers, the girl even found a shell. The water was very relaxing after the stressful drive….there was this bridge….that I forgot about…..small anxiety attack….I held my breath….it was a long bridge….I was dizzy for a while. The boy who is driving now said “Don’t hold your breath you’re gonna get us killed!” It’s been almost 17yrs since I last faced that bridge.WP_20140816_009

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It was a nice party and it was good to see my out of town family….unfortunately I realized after twenty minutes on the turnpike….I forgot the card. I did however remember to bring everyone the caponata that I canned the night before….go figure!WP_20140816_029

I was home long enough to make the kids dinner and then I was off to PT’s for dinner….funny how we both made burgers. After dinner PT read my cards and they pretty much say all of the things that I have bee trying to do. The three of swords bothers me a little, but nothing worth while is ever easy. I am going to list the reading although this is more for my sketchy memory. 8 of Wands,The Hermit, 3 of Swords, King of Swords (have no idea who this is) and The Sun….which is a phenomenal ending…..if I ever get there. Say what you will….I know…and the cards don’t lie. I knew I would never make it to breakfast if we watched a movie, so we watched two old episodes of Sex and the City.

I came home to my teenage daughter reading on the couch…..let’s pause and reflect on the beauty of that……then the tangent started. Wow…she is not wrong. Looking for Alaska was the name of the traumatic book that was on her school reading list. She said to me “remember how you couldn’t watch the new 21 Jump Street because they were so stupid that it gave you anxiety….well this book is givin’ me anxiety!” Some things I am going to assume that she knew….somewhat anyway. “It lists all 4 bases and they all start with F” I had to stop and think….okay true and the most vulgar way of phrasing it…..then there was the attempted blow job passage. She made me read it, and yes I sat there looking like Sebastian from The Little Mermaid when he first saw Ariel trying to walk on human legs….chin on the floor. Wow….what happened to Canturbury Tales and Wuthering Heights? This was holy cow….on the summer reading list????

I feel bad for the teacher that has to hear the report on this one….. She really liked The Lone Survivor and we rented the movie…it’s really long so maybe tomorrow after yoga.

I did make it to breakfast this morning which is always yummy and the best way to start the week. I did all of my running around and was home as this kids were just waking up.

The rest of my day consisted of crazy cleaning….like taking apart the ceiling fan cleaning. I somehow forgot to do my laundry in this whirlwind of a weekend…clothes today, towels tomorrow. Thank goodness the kids can do their own.

Tomorrow is Monday already….here is to surviving the week ahead…..Zia

 

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When Did I Become Such a Chicken?

20140109-165941If you had taken any of the things that I have said in the history of this blog….especially my fears and traveled back to my high school and repeated them….they would have laughed and laughed. I wasn’t afraid of anything…..don’t tempt the Universe….you will lose every time.  Did this happen after my kids were born?….or after my mother died? I am not sure and it drives me crazy! I am such a chicken.

There is a party up north for my little cousin who graduated med school this year, the debate this week is….do I drive or ride with? I am leasing a soul so I can actually drive out of my 1/2 hour comfort zone.

PT invited me over to dinner tomorrow……I will need it! After the drive to and from the kids will be glad to get rid of me!  I lived up north for a while, through both pregnancies actually. We moved a little closer to home when I was 6 months pregnant with the girl….she will be 17 next month…that was a long time ago and boy am I old! I am just not used to driving in bigger cities. Even when I lived up there I used the park system instead of the freeways. If I get too lost someone can talk me through it and more than half of the drive is turnpike and that’s easy peasy.

I have chopped my way to calm tonight…..work still sucks in a completely hostile way. GB grew some pretty amazing eggplants this year and since he shared I have a large pot of caponata simmering right now. The publication that I found the recipe that I mostly followed is this one, and it’s available again this year….WP_20140815_001

The caponata or lemon basil eggplant salsa type concoction was very popular last year, so when someone offers you eggplant…..always say yes. I will make eggplant parmesan with the rest and who doesn’t love that?!

Happy Friday, enjoy your weekend…….Zia

 

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The Lies I Tell Myself

WP_20140715_002Let me preface this by letting you know that I have been on dream overload lately and on top of that I have been having an awful lot of overwhelming feelings of deja vu. What does this have to do with the price of rice in China? I have no idea but it’s important somehow…..like I am missing a clue. Me missing something? I am sure that you are not surprised.

I went on another guided labyrinth tour tonight, and this girl was much, much better than the last. The theme tonight was acceptance.

I went into the labyrinth with a longing….for a lack of a better term. PT would just say “it’s called horny” but that’s not it…I have plenty of AA batteries. Sometimes I miss having adult conversations on a daily basis….my poor kids, especially the girl….sometimes I think that it is a good thing and other times I feel like she is missing out on teenager things. I was the same way until half way though my junior year, maybe she is just late to the party like I was.

I ended up being a little angry by the time that I had finished my walk and I am pretty sure that it isn’t how it is supposed to work. I “accept” that in this life I am to be surrounded by strong women and weak men. I lie to myself everyday that it doesn’t bother me.

I had the best grandfather that ever was and I have a wonderful uncle. I have supportive male cousins, one brother who is always the mediator, and the one who is clueless and still with his cheating wife and they don’t even live in the same state. I accept that my father is also clueless, and that I have a major grudge holding character flaw. I could care less about my father for as long as I can remember and I can’t even tell you why. It used to piss my mother off when I would refer to him as the sperm donor…..but that really is what he was. For as long as I can remember there was never a relationship there and it probably should bother me….and it doesn’t. Maybe I am a cold hard bitch.

I have an ex husband who cared more about things than people and an ex boyfriend (cockroach) who only cared about himself and his crack….I loved them both….what does that say about my judgement?

Some days I am tired of being strong, but it’s better than giving my power away. I pray everyday that I am not stupid like that again.

So…..am I letting fear rule me or accepting my fate? Am I right……are all of the real men extinct….okay men I will give you 10% of the population that are still real men, the rest…not so much.

I am saying right now….it bothers me…..tomorrow I may deny that statement….ZiaWP_20140715_001

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