Booked Solid

It is quite the crazy week for me, I have something planned everyday but Friday, and now on Wednesday because I canceled my massotherapy appointment. My shoulder feels much better so I am going to try and see how it feels on its own without therapy.

I was at PT’s tonight to finish our paint by numbers or in my case paint by suggestion. This is what the box said it should look like…WP_20140729_001

Do you know how many little tiny different spaces are in that background? Too many for me to ever finish it, so I  painted the whole background black…..WP_20140729_002

Then I covered the whole thing with a gel medium (yes I really had that laying around) so when it dries it will have texture and nobody will guess it’s a paint by number and it’s going in my bathroom so I won’t need to use glass when I put it in a frame.WP_20140729_003

Door knob and penny floor that is all that is left in that bathroom and it will be done. The girl is slacking on penny duty, I think we might try soaking them on Coca Cola, maybe that will help them shine enough to use on the floor.

I was happy to have some mid week girl time, it really does help. I kept thinking all day about what my yoga teacher said last night. What is that thing that is holding you back from reaching your dreams? In my case it’s me, I am always my own worst enemy.

In my hellish day at work I found myself going to  the thought “life is too short to be this miserable” I understand that work is work and if it was fun it wouldn’t be called work. I am a pack mule of a worker and I always have been, but this environment is just toxic. I honestly don’t think that I can do this for much longer…..

On a brighter note I finally did get some harvest from my late blooming garden…..WP_20140727_018

I will check tomorrow to see if any more beans are ready and then I will can some more pickle sticks. I have the recipe down so it should be okay to do it in small batches, hopefully.

I have a hair appointment with a new girl on Thursday so I am off to pinterest to find some ideas….Zia

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PS I Forgot…..

I forgot to tell all of the dog lovers out there that I learned a new trick this week…. You can slice hotdogs lengthwise and put them in your dehydrator. It’s crazy easy and the dogs go crazy over it! I even purchased some liver and made them jerky, no wonder they won’t eat bone shaped dog biscuits. It’s cheaper and better for them and it’s so easy. Now I will be searching those “manager specials” for jerky treats…..Zia

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Not Enough Hours…….

Honestly, I can’t believe that I am still going! I had another one of my bright ideas last night…..yep..I was up until 1:45am. The end product was worth it though…..WP_20140726_001

This is what 9lbs of fresh cherries looks like after it has become cherry pie filling and what a mess! Whoever invented the cherry pitter was a genius and I hope that they are living the posh life that they deserve. I shudder at the thought of that task without it. It was a complete family project, the boy did 6lbs and the girl 3lbs, but the girl went shopping with me and helped me find the pitter.

I didn’t start until late and the boy and i were already stained purple when I realized that I didn’t have lemon juice…ugh! At 10:15pm nothing local was open and there is road construction everywhere, I didn’t even bother to change my xx t-shirt that looks like a dress, I was on a one track lemon juice mission! I mostly followed Mavis’s recipe….http://www.onehundreddollarsamonth.com/canning-101-recipe-cherry-pie-filling/

The cherries were on sale for $3.49 for 3lbs…who walks away from that price? Not this girl and since this summer is less than stellar and once again the temps will be below normal…… I might as well start filling up all of those free canning jars that were given to me.

I had an appointment near the labyrinth that I walked earlier this month, I am trying to find a more creative way to escape my current work “hell”. I just want to break the cycle, I always end up staying because “I can’t afford not to” or a million other lame reasons. I want to be able to choose to stay, although I still have no idea what the heck I want to do. The classes that they offer aren’t really what I am looking for but I did walk the labyrinth since I was so close.

The kids and I went to hang out with SB at her garage sale for awhile. It was nice to just hang out and I got some bonus vitamin D, I even have a little color on my shoulders. I really think that the sun is why I am still going at this late hour. I tried to get most of my cleaning done tonight so I can relax a little tomorrow.

The girl and I took the dogs down to the car wash this afternoon. It costs $5.00 per dog and it was worth every penny! This is the girl with Z…..WP_20140726_003

They even had aprons for us to use, not that we tied them but it did help. Everybody takes such good care of it there…..or we just got lucky and didn’t get stuck cleaning up a mess. It was so much better than trying to do it at home.

It was a very long and productive day and I now I must sleep……Zia

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I Am So Gullible

I came home from work today and on my struggle from the car to the house (wine bottles,water jug,big water glass,lunch box, and mail) it sounds like someone was trying to get my attention from the neighbors. Usually it’s just vermin and I really wanted to empty my hands and the dogs were doing the pee dance and howling inside, so I ignored it. I put the dogs out and crap I still have my sunglasses on, so I went to put them in the car. This time the call was louder and my neighbor chimed in “you don’t know who is over here do you?”

So begrudgingly I tread across the yard…..it’s the Cockroach’s Uncle D. He is a sweet drunk of 68yrs and he just had to say hi. I being me…. truthfully answer all of his questions. “No I am not dating, boys are bad and I am done with them!” “Yes I am still working in optical, and no I don’t like it.” He tells me about his life and how is retired now and he doesn’t date anymore either, but he is enjoying his life. In my head I am thinking that’s good because he has aged 20 years since I last laid eyes on him.

It has been the nice little catch up and then it happens,” Cockroach is living in an apartment with arachnid man and is working seven days a week.” “Uncle D I really don’t want to know”….he continues and then it hits me…..this was on purpose. I am such an idiot! This was a total fishing expedition and once again I was stupid enough to fall for it.

I wish that somebody would explain to me how I am supposed to move past this when clearly “he” will never let me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When the girl and I left Barnes and Noble on Saturday, I was backing up and there was a bald man sitting in the next row looking right at us.( I didn’t mention because it freaks CM out) All I saw was a silhouette of a bald man, I didn’t stop to look because I don’t care…….watch me if you must…..when I am done ……I am done! I have never had “ex” sex or went back to somebody when it was over. I have realized for a long time that the civil protection order was the only solution for me. I am thankful for all of the people that helped me achieve that….he would have been in my face everyday to take him back if it wasn’t for that little piece of paper. That piece of paper is like my little hero, if only it made me invisible……..

So let’s recap….he knows that I am not dating……I quit smoking…..I am still working in optical….and that I know where he lives and “for now” he is supporting himself and his drug habit.

I just wish that some little unknown opportunity would just walk up and say “let’s change every single thing about your life.”  Apparently my karma is to work things out the hard way, no free passes for me…………..Zia

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Mom We Are Dorks!

The girl learned another life lesson this weekend…….thank you Barnes and Noble. It started innocently enough on Friday night with the first night of festivities, which was basically a big table with free chapter sample books. Some were for the girl, some for my nephew and some were for me. The boy who was with us that first night didn’t show any interest at all. This was our loot….WP_20140718_001

Now I have a reminder when the final book in this series comes out. This was the first series that the girl read….I talked her into it. :) Now we have a beagle that was named after the main character.WP_20140718_002

Saturday was the costume contest at noon, which we won by default. I pulled out my Lenore costume and the girl wore her Rick Grimes costume (with capris and flip flops). Nobody else showed up, the girl was so embarrassed! I told her that it could of been worse…..I didn’t have to dress up with her. Even her ears were red when she said “Mom we are big dorks!” This was our Saturday loot….WP_20140719_003

She has wanted that Batman book for awhile, this was my prize.WP_20140719_004

She went as Rick Grimes and won a Rick Grimes bobble head. We took our $1.00 off coupons (for participating) to the Starbucks cafe and had our coffee and went through our bags.

We laughed all day over this experience! She was so happy at her prize and mine that she seemed to forget how embarrassed she was. We made up ways that it could be worse….my favorite was “what if they make our picture really big and put it on display?” My response “I had a mask on, nobody will ever know it was me!” :)

Then she says to me “Mom, I don’t think other mothers and daughters have this kind of fun.” The fact that she is 16 and still wants to hang out with me is a miracle in itself, I will take it for as long as I can get it!

Once we were back home I started canning, sometimes it’s a curse that I never write anything down. I made a chardonnay apricot jelly that was a big hit last year. I found this at Sam’s club…WP_20140719_005

I paired it with this wine, that turned out to be quite tasty.WP_20140719_006

I think that it may have turned out too sweet….I need feedback, I’ll have to take some to work. I also did my first batch of pickle sticks and I did four pints of actual pickles as well. I also made the peach vanilla butter that has been popular at Christmas two years in a row. Since it’s not my recipe, I took this picture of the page from Mary Jane’s Farm Magazine.WP_20140719_009

It was only 73 degrees on Saturday, and for me since I don’t have air conditioning it was the perfect time to get a jump start on canning. I am trying to be better about canning stuff for us to eat in the winter and to not focus as much on gift giving, with the exception of the pickle sticks. Who knew how popular a dilly bean could be?

I tried to explain to the girl that she has come from a long line of women who cook instinctively, and that she needs to start trying her hand at it. She looked at me like I asked her to walk naked across the yard. That whole conversation ended with me convincing her that maybe she would be the one to finally write it all down.

Do you remember that bad haircut that I received last month? I have been trying to think of a way out of my appointment without feelings being hurt…it was the strangest thing. She text me in the morning to see if I had an appointment because she erased a name but didn’t know who? What kind of luck was that? I really should have played the lottery on Saturday now that I think about it. She keeps texting me now and even called once in a panic almost. Maybe if she payed that much attention to my hair….. I am there every four weeks, make my hair pretty and I will pay you….seems simple. The last time was the last bad hair cut she will ever give me and believe me it wasn’t the first. I hate trying to find somebody who is good and affordable, that is really hard! I will hate every minute of the search but I have also had a bad hair day every day for a month this time. Usually when she messes up it goes away in two weeks, it’s almost like I am supposed to stay motivated, and really how did I get erased from her book? It’s a hair miracle I tell you!!!

Saturday was also my two year anniversary of this blog…..how is that for sticking with something…..Zia

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Over Dramatic Me…..

I woke up this morning, just like any other morning….until I went to put my contacts in…..I spent many hours later freaking out. Subconjunctival Hemorrhage….sounds pretty scary, right? Basically it’s a broken blood vessel in your eye and I have seen way worse…I guess I was lucky. I even took a selfie of my eye…….WP_20140717_005

I had to wear my glasses today, but I still need to put my contacts in to get ready. It didn’t hurt exactly…I am always more aware of my right eye because it is the dominant eye….but there is a feeling of pressure? It’s hard to describe, but I learned two things from this picture. First, check it out….43yrs old and no crows feet and second my eyebrows could probably use a pluck or two, but i will never do that….over groomed eyebrows scare me…I think it was Joan Crawford that first scared me with her eyebrows. It’s just not necessary for me anyway….

I survived another hell day at work and I don’t even want to talk about it. It’s probably work that caused my eye to look like it does.

The girl and I went back to the forest without the dogs and a ton of bug spray. I didn’t upload all of the pictures but here are a few.WP_20140717_008

I thought this tree looked like Voldemort and if Bigfoot wore toe running shoes than we have evidence of his existence.WP_20140717_008(1)

We had fun exploring things off the path, but it was getting dark so we went back to the main path and saw another owl. I tried so hard to get a good picture but it was too dark. Maybe if we didn’t spend fifteen minutes looking for the fictitious “big willow” we could have taken better pictures. I tried to tell the girl that just because troop 5 built a little walk way doesn’t mean that the sign was true.

The bugs are so bad in there….I doctored up the bug spray by pouring pure citronella essential oil into it and I still had to reapply and we were only in there an hour and fifteen minutes, AND I was wearing pants and a hoodie. They are crazy vicious mosquitoes in there!!!!

I am so happy that tomorrow is Friday……Zia

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Sugar Coated Me

This evening I went to a guided labyrinth walk. I have only done this a few other times and it was a really long time ago. I can’t explain it….I saw it in the paper and I had to go.WP_20140715_001

The lady who was the volunteer tonight was very nice, the theme was  “On the path to Growing”  She was a former college professor and that is how she laid out all of the information. To me this is a spiritual experience and hard questions should have been placed as a starting point for our thought process. She was nice and made the effort, but it was lacking.

I met a few wonderful ladies there, there was one lady that stood out. She told me a beautiful story about her gay daughter and why she was there tonight. (it’s not my story to tell) She was the first to take the walk….she had great energy so I followed her. WP_20140715_002

I was the second one in and the last one out…..I have a lot to think about. These are some of the places that my mind went.

When you are little if you go to church or Catholic school you end up singing the song “this little light of mine”……yet that’s one of the first things that school tries to squish out of you. Then when you get older you struggle with finding your way back to your authentic self..

I think that if you have been reading my blog for a while that you mostly know me, well the sugar coated side anyway. It’s my own fault, I am the worst at keeping a secret of mine (others I can keep,just not my own)and if I find the perfect present I almost always give it early because I just can’t wait! That’s just who I am, I like to share things. So I told a few people about my blog and had a cousin that found out by accident……so I am not all of the way anonymous…..therefore I hold back.

I have spent almost all of my life holding back…..what if it hurts their feelings…..oh I can’t say that….let me put myself in their shoes for a minute……  Somebody told me once “get back in your own shoes and worry about you, stop feeling sorry for him, he doesn’t deserve it!” That last one did stick with me and I am getting better about it. I can understand why someone behaves a certain way, but that doesn’t excuse it.

I pray differently….I also pray at least 10 times a day. I pray with sage sometimes, and sometimes I pray with candles…..sometimes I just pray with my breath.  So what if I like to make my own soaps and sprays and bath salts, etc. and can my own food and I can’t help it that the home remedy rolls off of my tongue. If you want to call me a witch…it’s just a word and I don’t find it insulting….I just don’t like to be labeled. It is also not my fault if a random person who tried my mid day shine buster later had a dream that she woke up with boils on her face….although I do get a kick out of people fearing me just a little. Life is short and it amuses me! Since it was just a dream and it came from her subconscious not from me, I can have a little chuckle at her expense.

I am 43 yrs old….I need to stop messing around and be where I am supposed to be. I hate having my soul sucked through the phone for 40hrs a week……but I am responsible for two other people….It’s not like I can say f**k it and file bankruptcy and just move somewhere far away.

There is a part of me that feels the strong family ties, although when my mother died it has weakened some. The other part of me has always thought how nice it would be to move where not a soul knows me and to start over…..my kids on the other hand…not so much. I think that is one of the reasons I love to watch Under the Tuscan Sun so much….what a leap of faith that was.

So let me try and regroup here….I send off a witchy vibe, I see it and whatever…label me if you must…..I hold back most of the time and I need to stop that…..I need to figure out what the hell I am doing with this life instead of coasting through it.

I need to stop letting people at work walk all over me and talk to me like I am an idiot.  These same people watch every move I make and try and copy me. I can’t help that I use big words when I speak….it’s not on purpose it’s just my vocabulary. Yet another person is trying to “single white female” me in her own way….I don’t have the heart to tell her that she is using the wrong words. So when we ship the job to destination anywhere but where it is supposed to be, it is not “incognito” that means in disguise you nit wit!!! See I  really am mean!

Yet I sit there not saying anything, just trying to get through the day the best that I can. I have never worked in such a toxic environment. I need to stop holding back and let the cards fall where they may….Goddess help me!

I did feel better after the walk, I don’t know if I feel more of a sense of direction afterwards….but I do know that I want to lighten my load as much as possible and I need to stop sugar coating me.

On the way home a pheasant almost ran out in front of my car…..how often does that happen? It was my first!  So I looked it up, pheasant means family fertility and sexuality.  The last line says pheasants are good teachers in how to set romantic moods through the warmth of colors….how does that apply? The only person I have sex with is myself….so why the heck is this bird playing chicken with me?……Zia

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Signs, Signs Everywhere There’s Signs

The Universe is aware that it takes me a while to get something…….and even longer to get off of my ass and do something about it. In what life did I master the art of procrastination….I didn’t get this good in this life alone!

Bees and ants….ants and bees..and mix a couple of tiny frogs in the mix……bees and ants are similar in one meaning…..building. Clearly I am just going through the motions paycheck to barely paycheck…..existing….not living. There may be more to the meaning of the bee than I am seeing. Do you know I had one land on my drivers side window and stayed there for at least two miles?

Who needs a cell phone to get distracted….when you’ve got a bee on your window with its butt flapping in the wind? I couldn’t believe how long it stayed there and that I kept my car on the road! Walking into yoga tonight…..dead bee in front of the door…I get it….sort of..

Ants in the bathroom and all through my gardens, and bees….I have ground nests everywhere…..I burn off one entrance and they come out of another one. There is a part of my yard that I think is pure nest for yards and yards…..I’m not sure how the frog fits in? It means transformation through water and sound… I have started OMing twice daily? Water is liked to your emotions? See what I mean? The Universe knows I’m a little slow…..

Yoga totally kicked my ass tonight, it’s a good thing that my ass needs kicking!  I still believe that as long as I am able…this girl is my teacher. I worry sometimes that she won’t keep her Monday class because there are so few of us and I can’t afford the studio where she teaches on other days. I will just keep going with my fingers crossed because this is one of those things that I can’t control.

I was already sore from pulling weeds Saturday night. I am the crazy one out there pulling the weeds under the light of the full moon. The boy is slacking in his landscaping duties and I couldn’t take it anymore! I saw three tiny frogs doing that chore alone…they were so fast, at first I thought spider…and since I have a history, I had to look closer.

Tonight I got bonus goodies….SB is perfecting her memory wire skills, so I got this bracelet……WP_20140714_002

Since she knew I stumbled onto this sturdy crate that made it all the way from Italy….WP_20140711_002

She brought me study guides…..WP_20140714_003

My brother came and looked at it yesterday and it is sturdy enough to make into a chicken coop. I have wanted chickens for so long…I really hope that it works.

I read in the paper that there is a labyrinth walk tomorrow….in a Catholic spot of all places. I am pretty sure that I am going to go, I invited SB…but I will go by myself if she can’t make it…I’m pretty sure that I will. I haven’t been to one in a very long time and this is a guided walk…I will let you know….Zia

 

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Tiny Adventure

This evening the girl and I decided to venture to “The Woods” to take the dogs for a walk. Except for the getting eaten alive part (holy mosquitoes Batman!) we had fun. Z the Beagle wasn’t that into walking, but B was in her glory and had to be the leader…it was kind of funny. The girl and I decided that we have to go once without the dogs and we need to bring a real camera. We both loved this tree and this picture doesn’t do it justice but it’s very hard to take a picture with a dog leash pulling on your other arm.WP_20140712_005

Then there was this tree that held a little fairy house….an empty one.WP_20140712_007

Then there were the owls….it was breath taking….I just couldn’t get close enough….WP_20140712_010

We saw a deer and dragonflies  and some pretty amazing trees. Every time I stopped to take a picture…I was dive bombed…we will load up on the bug spray next time.

Whoever said that the extreme cold would mean less bugs…was a big fat liar!!! Fruit flies are everywhere too, at work I feel like one of those toy monkeys with the cymbals, although I have killed quite a few. Today I poured a glass of wine and wasn’t paying attention……I ate a bug!  The kids thought it was hysterical….ick!!!

Book club was last night, as always it was a good time. We read Garden Spells this month.1158967

It was a fast read which is perfect for summer, I had previously read it but didn’t mind reading it again. Tuesday this book comes out…….I can’t wait….but I have to.16054217

Do you know that this book is $10.00 cheaper online than it is in the store? I have a Barnes and Noble Member card so I won’t have to pay for shipping but I won’t have it in my hands on Tuesday when it comes out….it makes me sad. I will have my fill of that store soon….they are having a pop culture event from July 18th through August 10th. It’s all right up the girls alley and she’s already excited about it and we don’t even have all of the details yet.

Speaking of the girl…..have you ever watched a teenage girl try and kill a spider with a sword? Let me tell you it’s pretty funny….I tried to tell her “human….sword, spider….shoe”. So why was I surprised when she went after one in the mulch with balls from a tossing game?WP_20140709_001

She killed it though, it took a lot longer than a shoe would have but she was determined.

I have been trying to catch up on some other things that need my attention so I haven’t been around much. Time management and me….always a struggle….Zia

 

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Why Do Bad Things Happen To Good People?

My CG is finally home and out of the hospital as of today and now CR is going in for out patient surgery……what the heck are Pagets and why are they sugar coating breast cancer?

The girl is still at her fathers, so I had to call her to tell her that she was volunteered to spend the night tomorrow if necessary. Her biggest concern….she doesn’t know how to make tea…..but she loved the idea of all of the cable channels that she doesn’t get at home…kids! I honestly don’t think she will need to stay….but just in case.

I made a big batch of stuffed peppers that I rarely make and CR loves them, and they heat up nice so that’s what I made.WP_20140708_002

 

The add media button is back……..it’s the little things that make me happy!  :)

I also discovered the Roy Orbison channel on Pandora……I know I am only 43 but I love this channel!!!!  My kids are really…..really….going to dislike this one. The boy made me get my own account when the Enya channel started popping up on his stuff….he didn’t want to share so much then.  The way I look at it…..it’s just the beginning of payback for Pokemon….just sayin’.

Yoga was amazing again last night only with more chanting and OM. I really needed OM, but ever since last night I have been on the verge of tears. I hate when the stuff that I have been holding in needs to come out…..crying is so ugly and wrinkly and wet! I am not a fan, plus it shows weakness and I fight everyday to keep the weak parts of myself buried………Zia

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