Cycles of Sanity

150614-004-3ED50030If you are a man and have lived with a woman at any point in your life than you know……when to run…when to walk away…when to stay late at the office….basically how to disengage. You on the other hand are lucky enough to not know what it feels like.

There are those “special” days when things that normally roll off of your back suddenly don’t. Those people that you usually roll your eyes at……now need to have their faces verbally ripped off.

One of the departments at work that has it’s share of slackers and likes to pass things off, put a frame on my desk…..that didn’t need to be there. Unfortunately I did not realize this until I was already on the phone with a man that I loathe…who talks in circles and dances around his point. I wanted to reach through the phone, pull his face out, smack it…Cher style and tell him to grow a pair and stop whining. Geez and I’m the nice one!

I try not to be snappish but sometimes I can’t help it. Hormones suck! Plus they make you cranky and emotional, aka crying over nothing and that gets replaced with cramps…yeah. Oh and if you didn’t notice it also makes you whine.


Then when you factor in the cost of harmful bleached cotton that you get all personal with…it’s a sin. There shouldn’t be a crazy price tag attached to these products, they should be passed out for free. “Here honey would you like a heating pad with that?” “Maybe you would prefer some Motrin? ” ” Would you like to lay down and listen to some soothing music?” “Here…let me rub your feet.” That’s the way it should be!!tampons

If you have ever felt like your uterus was being ripped out….. you know what I am talking about. The sad thing is at this stage of my mood….I can’t wait for that because by then….I shouldn’t want to secretly slap all the idiots that cross my path…….Zia


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Pumpkin Palooza


Tonight was the perfect ending to the weekend…. PT and I went to a pumpkin walk and I can’t remember a local event where there was such a huge turnout. There were people everywhere! It was a nice family type event, the girl said she didn’t want to go so I asked Pt and then of course the girl showed an interest. She had to go to her dads anyway, did she think that I wouldn’t go? Kids!

I gave up getting anything accomplished this weekend although I remade my Thanksgiving cards and I love them! I found a Christmas card that only said joy, peace, family and had a brown background and in the part where you put your message I put in a quote. “Thanksgiving Day is a jewel, to set in the hearts of honest men;but be careful that you do not take the day, and leave out the gratitude.” EP Powell Some people may have to put on readers to see it, but it is worth it.

MK came for a visit yesterday and it was a really nice day. We started out by having vegan burgers that are rated one of the top 10 in the country. She aspires to be vegan but struggles with giving up cheese. I aspire to eat better but every once in a while there is nothing better than a nice, juicy, very pink piece of filet.

I gave her a frame with a friendship saying on it and was horrified to realize that in the 20yrs that I have known her, we have never taken a picture together. I have plenty of her with our kids and some with me and the kids but mostly it’s our kids. We took a few yesterday and I didn’t like the way I looked in any of them, but we have them now.

We went to a local artisan event and traipsed through the woods in the rain and we didn’t even mind. We both got a lot of ideas and a Christmas present or two. We also decided that once a year isn’t enough and figured out a half way point. There is no evil bridge between here and there so we will meet up more often now for sure. I haven’t lived in the same town as her since I was 6 months pregnant with the girl and it’s funny how we are still on the same page. It’s a pretty cool thing actually.

The girl and I went to a freedom party last night and there was a nice turnout. It makes me smile that she has such a solid supportive group of friends.  There was a lot of talk about kids and sports and I asked the girl afterwards if she missed playing sports and she said absolutely not. These parents are always running here and there, and my brother and sister in law do it too, it makes me tired just listening to it. I don’t have time now so I can’t even imagine…

Maybe I am being selfish? I focused everything on my kids when they were little but the older that they get I try and take a little more time for me every year. I don’t want to be at a loss when they leave the nest….okay I will be anyway but it won’t be as bad… theory.

It was a fun filled friend weekend and I am in no way ready to go back to work tomorrow……Zia

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Out Of Left Field


I went out to my car to take my daily power nap when I checked my phone.  There was a message that said “Hey is this Zia still?” I responded with “Now that depends…..” It turns out that it was Speed Racer and in case you don’t remember….

speed racerIt was a total fishing expedition……boys! He started out with apologizing for his awkward behavior after our almost encounter…..he should have apologized for eight months of foreplay and not making it out of the gate.  Why do I have so many sports references tonight?

He played the “if I didn’t have a girl card”. I responded with “I am happy for you that you have a girl because this woman is too old for you. Then there was this line…..I couldn’t believe that he said it and it makes me still laugh out loud….what is wrong with these twenty something boys? “I enjoyed the hell out of your boobs…..actually that’s why things ended so quickly last time.” I haven’t talked to this boy in over a year…really? Just because you saw me naked for ten seconds more than two years ago doesn’t mean that you can dive right into this line of texting/sexting.

The hardest part of all of this is that I don’t have my CG with me at work…..I need her when these crazy things happen! I miss you CG. :(

I stopped at the store on my way home and my cheating sister in law was there, I had to walk within inches of her twice. I should have known it was her by her accessory….the cell phone attached to her head. I felt indifferent, I guess that’s progress.

I came home and made the forty garlic chicken that I learned to make yesterday and the girl dubbed it homeless chicken. I don’t even have a response for that…..Zia

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If you read my earlier post today you will be happy to know that I did make it to work on time. I may have a lead foot BUT I don’t usually do 60 in a 40, knock on wood was I lucky this morning. Nobody agreed with me on my Thanksgiving stand, they just said well….they don’t have to work there. They were totally missing the point.

Bat Shit Crazy had an account that she babied and he is so high maintenance and annoying and now that she isn’t there they want to give him to me. I am still trying to find a way out of this, I think that it is asking too much of me. I can handle the difficult ones but I have no patience for needy cry baby ones….UGH!!!!!

I only worked 1/2 day because I volunteered to help cook for the homeless shelter. Do you remember the stove in Beauty and the Beast? It was very similar to the one I cooked on today, only without the

The first time one of the pans went up in flames, I stepped back and said “fire”. The kid gave me a lid and said don’t worry it will burn itself out….which it did. Alrighty then! It was a miracle that I didn’t catch myself on fire. I cooked 80 pieces of chicken today, they looked pretty yummy if I do say so.IMG_0176

I will definitely be going back next month and I will have an idea of what to expect. I guess I thought I would just be peeling potatoes, he had more faith in me than I was expecting.

The kids and I started on our cork crafts tonight. The boy went a little crazy with glue on the future grapes.IMG_0178The girl and I started on the trees.IMG_0177

Give them away, sell them, I have no idea. I do know that I want to use up all of my corks. I have started looking at things and thinking “do I want to pack that?” It helps to motivate this queen of procrastinating…….Zia

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It Really Bothers Me

I am more than likely going to be late for work but I had to vent. Why do I get so upset over things that I can’t control? I have no idea! It is a nice reminder to myself on why I choose to send out Thanksgiving cards. What tripped my trigger this morning? Macy’s announced that they are going to open their doors at 6 pm on

So the new motto of Thanksgiving is “screw your family, come spend some money”

I don’t ever participate, it’s my was of giving the bird to the major retailers!…..Zia Thanksgiving turkey

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Is It Worth It?


The Keurig……the latest and greatest….most people have them…..what is your opinion? This is a photo of the model that I have, the one that shipped from QVC on 2/25/2014 and it is already broken. I don’t even use tap water because I have well water and this is acceptable quality?

Are they going to replace it?…absolutely. Did I have to go buy a cheap coffee pot to get me through?….yes. My favorite part was the 36 minutes I spent on the phone with a man that I could barely understand. He tried to joke around a few times so I am going to say he was friendly. It is just so frustrating and as long as we keep ignoring where all of our stuff comes from and focusing on the best buy….we are going to keep receiving inferior products. All I really need is a cup of coffee in the morning, it shouldn’t be a traumatic experience. I think that I would rather have an old fashioned, non electric percolator.


I took a friend with me to yoga last night, she is the one who is getting a divorce from the childhood doll hair puller. She had never been to a single yoga class, I think she liked it. It definitely had an impact…. She text me this morning to let me know that Saturday is her 17th wedding anniversary and instead of feeling sorry for herself she is going to have friends over, and was 7 good for me?  I dubbed it freedom party, and I can’t wait. I told you that I had the best yoga teacher ever!

When I was out getting a cheap coffee pot, I came across this ornament.IMG_0174IMG_0175

I am totally stealing this idea! I came home and told the kids that I found us a family project….how did I end up with two kids that don’t want any part of the glitter? I raised them with the saying “you can never sparkle too much”, the boy I get but the girl? Fine it will just be glitter, glitter everywhere, on my face and in my hair and they can do the sticky glue part! I have a crazy amount of corks from a previous project….it helps to know a bartender. I am hoping for a super fun hot mess!

I only have to work a half day tomorrow because of a volunteer adventure, I will fill you in later……Zia



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The Road Less Traveled



Death seems to be the theme of this weekend and sometimes that is what you need to keep things in perspective. Do I kick myself for stupid choices that I have made in the past? Yes I do and often….. and I have to learn to stop it.

Things would have been very different if I would have stayed in college and on the path of an English major with a minor in journalism and children’s literature….who is to say that they would have been better? I wouldn’t be the same person writing here tonight.

In the months after I left my ex husband I did register to go back to school and it would have been free of cost to me, what stopped me? Where would my kids go? I went out of my way and sacrificed a lot because I chose to not put them in daycare. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with daycare but to me personally I didn’t trust anyone enough. I never left my kids with anyone who wasn’t family and that was very important to me.

They are old enough now to mostly fend for themselves so why am I still dancing around the crossroads without choosing a path? Why is it so easy for me to tell others what to do to fix things and I am clueless when it comes to myself? I know, I know…I am my own worst enemy.

I faced a fear today and went to see an old friend. What could be so scary about her? Well S. Belle had a rough go of it this life, she had an asshole of legendary proportions for a husband and three ungrateful girls. How somebody as kind as she is ended up there, I will never know.  She escaped her marriage and married a sweet, gentle doctor on 11/11/11. I was there and danced at their wedding, they were so happy. Last year he was hit by some crazy aggressive cancer that took him within 6 months, I am not sure she will recover from that.

Everybody has the power to empathize and to feel the emotions of those around them, some are more sensitive than others. I knew it would be rough today and I didn’t cry or get sick, but I keep getting overwhelming feelings of sadness that are still hitting me hours later.

My memories of S. Belle are of this kind, fun loving bundle of smiling blonde curls. Today I was greeted by somebody who has aged 15yrs in the last 3. Her hair was fried and not done, she was wearing no make up and seemed to be going through the motions. She doesn’t work, she just holes herself up in her amazing new house….sleeping a lot. I am really worried about her, but I can’t fix her or make it better. I knew it was going to be hard, which is why I have been avoiding it.

She has a pretty awesome chandelier that probably produces hundreds of rainbows every day.IMG_0164

I have also never laid eyes on a Halloween tree….IMG_0168

One of her daughters lives with her, the pick of the three I guess. She came home right before we left and for some unknown reason she made me very uncomfortable. I am sure part of it was following the hello hugs she says “I’ll be back I need to go smoke some pot.” Who says that? I am not judging…okay maybe just a little….but I didn’t need to know that. This was also the first time I have ever been to somebody’s house that smoked cigarettes in it since I quit, that was tough too.

Yesterday I went to the cemetery for the services for my great uncle, it was nice to see the family but sad to say goodbye. The sun was shining for a change, but it was windy and chilly as per usual in Ohio. I ended up getting a really nice picture with my brothers, the serious one is okay, but I prefer the one where I am yanking on their ties. I will probably do something with it for Christmas, I wish I could show you but since they don’t know about this blog that would be very awkward.

I ended up dragging the kids all over town to get more pictures for the Thanksgiving card.  The boy is such a good sport…..IMG_0096

It was late when I went online to Walgreens to make the cards……they were 50% off, and I couldn’t find any edit buttons or ways to make it larger and I don’t love how they came out. I wonder if they will take them back? I guess I will find out.

I stopped into Barnes and Noble and was seduced by these Christmas cards…..IMG_0171

So now 15 special people will get a Christmas card in addition to a Thanksgiving card.

I can’t seem to get the boy to stop eating the dog treats that I make….in his defense it is just dehydrated lunch meat.IMG_0173

It is only 90 cents a pound but geez I am buying the meat ends for the dog….not the boy.

Since it was such an eventful weekend I am still doing laundry, someday I will take a picture of my journey outside and around the house to the death trap stairs to the basement…..maybe when I leave.

The kids drove over to their dads to watch the Walking Dead so it should be a special treat getting us all up in the morning……Zia

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Where is My Super Power?


Why do spiders like me so much and shouldn’t I have some spidey senses by now?  I feel cheated!  I was making dinner last night when the girl exclaims “you were bit again?” I had no idea. Last night it was a purple circle and then it was red and it has faded throughout the day. To be honest I was really worried that it was a tick bite from the circle but a girl at work’s husband was bit three times this summer and it didn’t look anything like this…IMG_0085

All I know is that it wasn’t a brown recluse for a change…..thank goodness….twice was enough for me! My shoulders finally feel normal, they were so stiff most of the day. The brown recluse bite was disgusting and left a big scar but the brown crunchy wolf spider that got me when I was in high school made me feel the worst. Every joint in my body hurt when I moved it for a whole day. I was a nurses aid early in the day (I hated study hall) and she found the bite, that is the first one that I remember. I definitely have had more spider venom than the average person and still no spidey senses…..very disappointing.

Book club was sparse tonight but we still managed a good discussion. Sarah’s Key is next month and then it’s my turn again. I promised to pick a small, sweet story since it will be so close to Christmas. I have three books sitting here that I need to read and two that I have to finish….plus the one that I am listening to in my car. There is never enough time.

I purchased my notebook for my November attempt at a novel……I would be happy with a decent short story. :) I really like the yoobi notebooks that they have at Target. I needed super sturdy and they are, plus they donate one with every purchase to a classroom in need. I also picked up a 50 cent composition book for my super sloppy confusing notes and random ideas.

I am being dragged away to the couch and The Walking Dead by the girl, so until next time……Zia

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Friendly Reminder

I had a nice talk with an old friend last night and it did wonders for my mood today. I was able to walk into work and shrug off all of the petty crap that I deal with everyday.  I have wonderful accounts and some have turned into friendships because I am good at what I do….sometimes I just need a reminder. Thanks Joel!

The kids finally came home from their dads after school today, the girl was wearing some furry beast of a sweater that was not the least bit flattering. It wasn’t just me one of her friends offered to teach her how to dress herself in the mornings. She is definitely her own person….I have no idea where she gets that from.  :)  The beagle was so happy, just look at that face…..IMG_0084

I picked up another pumpkin on the way home, I couldn’t resist and now the girl can carve a butt head…’s the simple things that amuse me.IMG_0081

The pumpkin carving in this house goes as follows….the boy takes it from the car to the porch. The girl does all of the elaborate carving and I get stuck separating the seeds from the guts. I make the pumpkin seeds and the boy consumes 85% of them. I think that I get the short end if the stick on this tradition.

I received a beautiful card from my artfully soulful friend KW today, mail from her is a very special treat.IMG_0082Halloween is the best holiday!

I did finish True Grit last night and the movie tonight so I am all ready for book club tomorrow. I was hoping that the movie would make me like the book better, but it really didn’t.  Reading for me is an escape and I must be emotionally attached to the characters and I just wasn’t. One of the women at work wants me to read The Witness, I haven’t read any Nora Roberts for a while, I am due for some good brain candy and SB gave me her newest witch series…..I know go figure.

I am happy that tomorrow is Friday, but this is going to be a very busy weekend. Saturday I have family coming from out of town and even baby brother is coming home from Arizona for the burial of my great uncle. I have some family that I only see when somebody dies or gets married but that is what happens when they move away. I have lunch plans on Sunday with two friends, one I haven’t seen since her wedding on 11/11/11. Her husband died quickly last fall, and it is just horrible, there is more to the story and I will fill you in after I get through it……Zia

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**it Happens

743_1This morning it happened…..the ugliness of the septic tank back up…..ick! One flush, one plunge followed by the gurgle in the bathtub…well I knew it was coming and yet I was still surprised. The company I used last time was bought out when he retired and the new people wanted $300.00…whoa! I found a family owned business, a husband and very sweet wife that only charge $150.00 which is about right. It is done and over with and the next time it needs done….I won’t be here! In the here and now, it is one less thing that I have to worry about.

I finally am cooking down 1/2 of the remaining tomatoes (I froze the other half), I put in pieces of whole garlic and a whole basil plant….I can strain later. I love a good experiment….IMG_0080

I am determined to finish True Grit tonight and watch the movie, although the kids took the Wii out of the living room and I have absolutely no idea how to use the xbox controller, grr….. Then I remembered that I have the laptop and the Iphone, I am still learning that I have options in this world. Options are just one of the things that I am grateful for in this life……Zia

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